Colifer - Unscripted
by CaptainSwanStories
Summary: Jennifer left the cast of Once Upon a Time after the season 6 finale. She started directing but changed her mind and came back just before they started filming season 7. They welcomed her back with open arms and shared the camera's with Colin again. Her Starbucks lover and best friend in crime, but will their bond be the same as before? (Started: November 19th, 2017)
1. Chapter 1 - Adorkable

**Jen's pov**

'I love you'. We stared into each other's eyes for a minute. The most adorable smile I've ever seen showed up on his face. I leaned in and started to kiss him slowly as he pushed me softly against the wall behind me. He slightly opened his lips and stuck out his tongue to run it across my lips before he parted them.

'Cut!' the director yelled. 'Great job guys! The chemistry between the two of you is amazing!'

I smiled and pulled Colin with me. 'What the hell did you just do?' I yelled. Colin laughed and I couldn't hold my serious face. 'That was so unscripted!' I added but it made him laugh even more.

'Everything in life is unscripted, Jen.'

'Yeah, that's why I became an actress. That's scripted!'

He took a step closer to me and I felt his breath against my neck as he spoke. 'You wanted it to be scripted?' he asked with his hot Irish accent.

'You're unbelievable!' I said laughing as I walked away. He really is unbelievable. We just started filming season 7 and he already is the dork he used to be.

I walked over to my trailer with a smile on my face. I had two hours until my next scene and one hour until we have some lunch together. I sat down on my sofa and decided to read the new book about an evil snowman I got from my mother last week.

I looked around in my trailer. This place made me so happy. When Eddy and Adam asked me for another season I refused. I wanted to focus on other things and improve my directing, but I missed the acting too much so I changed my mind. They gave me a warm welcome back and here I am again.

I smiled because of those memories. I always loved acting, but Once Upon a Time became a part of my life and the cast is my second family. My thoughts got interrupted by a knock on the door.

'Hey you!' I said as I saw Colin in front of my door.

'Hey... you' he answered. He came in and closed the door behind him. There was an awkward silence for a minute.

'So, about earlier...' he started 'the unscripted thing, you know... I'm sorry. I got caught up in the moment and I crossed the line.'

'Colin, please. Don't be sorry. You're such a good actor and I know you for so long. It's okay.'

He smiled. 'Sure?' he asked to be sure.

I slapped him on his arm. 'I'm sure, dork!'

We looked at each other for a while. I stared into his beautiful blue eyes and my heart skipped a beat.

'Starbucks?' we asked at the same time.

'I'll pay!' he added quickly.

I smiled. 'You're aDORKable!'


	2. Chapter 2 - Crossing The Lines

**Colin's pov**

'That will be $8,45, sir!'. I smiled at the cashier and gave her 10 dollars. 'You can keep the change!' I said as I winked and grabbed the coffees. I handed one over to Jennifer and took a sip of mine.

We walked back to her trailer and I sat down next to her on the sofa. 'How are things with you and Helen?' she asked. I chuckled. 'Well, you know about two dates I had with her. There was another one after you left, but it didn't work out. She is really sweet, but she deserves better.' I said as I stared at the wall on the other side of the room to avoid her gaze.

'Colin, seriously? You are the most honest and loving guy I've ever met. You deserve a sweet girl like Helen!' she almost yelled at me.

'Thank you, I guess...?' I said a bit shy because of the compliment she just gave me. 'No seriously. Don't say such things ever again. Most of the girls will kill someone to be with a guy like you.'

My cheeks flushed red and I tried to hide it but failed. 'Aww, you're blushing!' she said while grabbing my cheeks. My heart skipped a beat when she touched my face. I covered her hands with mine and they fitted perfectly. She stared into my eyes and I couldn't help to stare back.

We sat there like that for a while. At that moment it felt so right to kiss her, but I didn't. I was too afraid she won't let me. It wouldn't be our first kiss, but it would be our first kiss as ourselves. I already crossed the line today.

She leaned over to me still holding my cheeks in her hands and mine still rested on hers. Her forehead rested on mine. I could smell her sweet scent and it turned me on. I placed one hand on her back and sighed.

Our little moment got interrupted by a knock on her door. She immediately let go of me and opened it. 'Jennie! Joining us for lunch?' Josh said with his puppy eyes. Jennifer laughed. 'How can I say no? Colin and I will be there in a minute!'. Josh raised his eyebrow. 'Colin and I? That sounds good' he smirked. 'Bye dad!' Jen laughed as she closed the door.

She turned around and faced me. 'Colin...' she started. I stood up and took her hand. 'I know.. crossing lines.'

I grabbed my jacket and walked out towards my trailer. Jen and I always had a special chemistry but since she got back it felt more real than ever. I never felt the need to kiss her, but the last few days it's more like a craving inside me.

I was in my trailer for like 5 minutes when I heard a soft knock on my door. 'Josh, really? I'm coming!' I yelled angrier than I intended to. I yanked the door open and stared right into Jen's beautiful eyes.

'Jen... I./. eh... what are you doing here? I just left your place.' I stuttered.

'I want to finish what we were doing' she said as she stepped inside.

'What do you mean? Did we start something?'

She closed the door behind her and pressed me against a wall. 'Yes, something unscripted which will totally cross the lines'.

'Hm, what did you do with Jen?' I asked sarcastically.

'Shut up'. She stared at me. For a long while she didn't move. Then she leaned over and kissed me fully. The taste of her blended in with the smells that always surrounded her.

I let out a moan and ran my hand up over her spine. She suddenly stopped me.

'It's lunchtime'

And she was gone.

* * *

 **A/N: I don't like stories in which Colin is cheating on Helen, so in this story** **they aren't married.**


	3. Chapter 3 - Time For Coffee

**Jen's pov**

When I got out of his trailer I let out a giggle. What the hell did I just do? Not that I felt a single form of regret. It felt so right to kiss him but I didn't realize it could also ruin everything we had.

I hurried myself into our lunchroom and walked over to an extremely enthusiastic Josh. I laughed out hard. 'Seriously Ginny, how do you survive this bomb of happiness every single day?' I asked as I sat down next to her. 'Hey!' Josh yelled pretending to be angry. Ginny rolled her eyes. 'Believe me, you'll get used to it.'

After a few minutes Colin walked in. Josh acted extremely enthusiastic again as Colin walked over to our table. 'Hey..' he said a bit uncomfortable as he reached our table. At that moment I was relieved there wasn't a free spot next to me. It would have made things more uncomfortable than they already were and believe me... It was uncomfortable!

However, the only free spot was right in front of me. RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! Which meant I had to gaze into his mindblowing blue eyes. Maybe that was even worse than sitting next to him.

Josh and Colin went to the bar to get us some food and drinks. There was a silent moment between me and Ginny but eventually she broke it. 'What's going on between you and Colin?' I swallowed harshly. 'Nothing, why?' I tried to ask with a straight face. 'Jen, come on. Everyone can feel the tension between the two of you. You can tell me anything!'

'I know Ginny and I really appreciate that. I swear there's nothing going on. We just have to get used to each other again.' Ginny snorted. 'You're best friends since day one but it's okay. I'll find out eventually.'

The boys came back with our food before I even got the chance to answer Ginny. 'What did you get?' Ginny asked curiously. 'A sandwich for my lovely wife and a grilled cheese for the blonde' Josh answered while putting our dishes in front of us. 'You're so charming!' Colin yelled. 'Back off lady! I'm married!' Josh said to Colin trying to keep his serious face. Colin's disappointed face made him laugh eventually.

They all enjoyed their lunches and went back to their trailers. They had to get ready in 20 minutes before they started to film a new scene. It was a very close scene between Colin and I and after what happened earlier it wouldn't make things any better. Besides that, Josh and Ginny were in that scene too which made it even more awkward than it already was.

'Action!' the director yelled.

The scene took place in Hyperion Heights where Emma and her family were searching for Henry. Emma felt that something was wrong with Henry and this affected her pregnancy. She was at the end of her sixth month right now. Killian didn't agree that she was joining the trip, but Emma wouldn't be Emma if she wasn't stubborn.

'What if we don't find him?' I started the scene.

'We will find him, Emma! In our family we will always find each other' Ginny said.

'Swan! Isn't this Henry's?' Colin said as he picked up a Starwars lunch box. 'What the bloody hell is Starwars actually? Is it with fighting stars or something?'

We all laughed. 'Yes, that's Henry's indeed and we definitely need a movie night!' I said while I still couldn't believe how stupid his line really was. My face got a sad expression. Colin walked over and grabbed my - actually Emma's - hand.

'He's going to be alright, Swan. He's a tough lad and he can overcome anything. Just like you. Please try to lower your stress level. The little one in there doesn't like it.' He said while placing his hand on my fake pregnant belly.

I smiled. It was a sincere one because I imagined what it would be like if it was all real.

He caressed my cheek and crushed a long and passionate kiss on my lips. I had to withhold myself to kiss him back with full surrender. I tried to be Emma as good as possible, but I felt my knees become weak.

'Eh... Guys, you're not alone remember! I don't want to see my daughter making out, thank you very much!' Josh yelled. We let go of each other and laughed uncomfortably.

'Cut!' the director yelled.

Within minutes everyone had left the set, except Colin and I. He walked over to me and my heart skipped a beat when he came closer. He pushed me on a table and his head was close to mine. I felt his warm breath and smelled his leathery scent. The scent that felt so familiar after all those years.

He caressed my thighs with his hands and rested his head against mine. I closed my eyes and enjoyed every minute of him touching me.

Colin lifted my chin a bit and kissed me passionately. His hands ran up towards my breasts. I moaned as he touched them and squeezed them slightly. Just as I was about to touch his body he stopped the kiss.

It surprised and disappointed me. He leaned over and I really hoped he wanted to kiss me again. I closed my eyes and leaned a bit towards him.

'It's time for coffee' he whispered before he left me.

* * *

 **A/N: Teasing, teasing, teasing. Did I mention teasing? :)**


	4. Chapter 4 - A One Day Thing

**Colin's pov**

At the end of our day, I walked towards my car. A blonde lady leaned against my car. At first, I thought it was a fan, but when I got closer I recognized her. 'Jen?' I said surprised as I walked closer towards her.

'You need a ride or something?' I asked.

She only nodded and avoided my gaze.

'Well, get in then.' I said as I walked to the driver's side.

'Colin?' she finally said before I started the engine.

I gazed into her eyes. 'What's wrong?'

'Maybe we should talk about what happened between us today.'

'Perhaps. What do you have to say about it?' I asked harsher than I intended.

'I just want to know if... if it meant something for you?'

I nodded. 'You know me, Jen. I'm not the kind of guy who kisses someone without any reason. I have to admit that I was surprised when you kissed me. We're friends for so long. I never thought about kissing you.'

Tears welled up in her eyes. 'I don't want to ruin things between us.'

I grabbed her hand and caressed her palm with my thumb. 'Trust me, you didn't. I just don't know how to feel right now, because you're one of my closest friends. You know... I told you about every person I dated with.'

She nodded understandingly.

'What about you? Did it meant something?' I asked curiously.

'I am less old-fashioned in terms of kissing and dating. I could kiss a man if I only like him but don't feel the attraction.'

'Which means you played a game?' I asked while trying to hide my disappointment.

'Not a game. It felt right to kiss you, but I'm not so sure now.'

'Maybe I should drive you home' I said as I started the engine. It was quiet during the ride to her house. It seemed to take hours, but it was only 20 minutes. When we drove into the street, I parked my car in front of her house and turned off the engine.

'You want some coffee?' she asked.

'I think I had enough coffee for today.'

'Colin?'

I turned my head and gazed into her eyes. We stared at each other for a few seconds.

'Never mind. I see you tomorrow!'. She pressed a kiss on my cheek en left the car.

Although I was very curious about what she wanted to tell, I started the engine and drove home. I was tired after a long shooting day and needed a shower.

Just as I was about to go to sleep I heard my phone beeping. I grabbed it from the bedside table and there was a message from Jennifer.

 **Still buddies? x J.**

 _We were never not buddies ;) x_

 **You're such a dork!**

I smiled as I read her text. I lost the number of times she called me a dork.

 _'Dork is my middle name! But of course, we're still buddies!'_

 **'A one time** **thing? ;)'**

 _'Ha! It happened twice actually... perhaps even three times... More like a one day thing?'_

 **'Let's call it a one day** **thing! Good night Colin! x'**

 _'Good night Jen! x'_

* * *

 **A/N: A one time** **thing which happened three times... Confusing! I have more troubles with writing Colin's pov so this chapter turned out a bit short and boring, I'm sorry guys!**


	5. Chapter 5 - Chubby Hubby

**Jen's pov**

That night I had the weirdest dream I've ever had. Colin was about to kiss me but unfortunately, I woke up. Colin and I had to shoot our first real intimate scene today and I don't know if I was nervous or looked forward to it. We had some intimate scenes before but it never went beyond kissing each other.

Today was going to be different. Fans were craving for an intimate scene between Emma and Hook and Adam and Eddy thought it was the right time. They're married and with Emma getting pregnant, there has to be a scene like that. After everything that happened yesterday, it could make things complicated between us.

After an hour I arrived on set. We decided to film the intimate scene later that day because it would be a bit more quiet on the set then. The day seemed to be infinite. I tried to avoid Colin as much as possible and it seemed like he did the same. Normally he would join us for lunch, but he sat down with Andrew and Rose this time.

'He exchanged us for Andrew and Rose?' Josh sounded disappointed. Ginny giggled. 'It seems like he has another bromance, honey. You'll get over him.' Ginny turned around to face me. 'Why is he acting like that?' she asked.

'Josh? I think you should know that. He's your husband, not mine.' I tried to be funny and avoid the question as well.

'No. I was talking about Colin. YOUR hubby.' she sneered back.

'He is not my hubby. We're just friends and I don't know what's going on with him.'

'He has become a little chubby, don't you think?' Josh said while pointing towards Colin.

I laughed. 'Colin chubby? I knew you were crazy, but you must have it checked' I said trying not to laugh.

'Chubby hubby' Josh said randomly.

I failed and spilled out my water over the table. We laughed hard together as we tried to act as normal as possible.

When lunch was almost finished, Colin stood up and walked over to our table. I felt my heart racing and tried to hide it but I saw at Ginny's face that she noticed something. She shook her head and smiled. 'Cheater!' Josh yelled.

Colin laughed. 'I'm sorry, mate. You missed me that much?'.

Josh nodded. 'You don't know what you're doing to me!'

I grinned. 'I think you meant what Colin is doing to us when YOU are like this...'

That was the first moment that day when everything felt like before. As if we had never kissed each other. I like how it used to be between us, but I can't forget about the kisses we shared. They were so different than the onscreen kisses and I never felt this weird sparkle inside of me before.

* * *

 **A/N: I think we deserve an intimate scene between Hook and Emma for real, but since we don't get it... I'll write it myself but... in another chapter! ;) And yeah I realize that Josh is a bit childish in here, but I love it :)**


	6. Chapter 6 - Sexual Tension (Part 1)

**Colin's pov**

After we've had lunch we did some other scenes with the rest of the cast. At the end of the afternoon, the whole cast left the set. Everyone except Jennifer and I.

The whole day I felt a bit nervous because of the scene we had to shoot. An intimate scene between Killian and Emma. Normally I have no trouble with these kinds of scenes, but after what happened yesterday it's very uncomfortable to see each other like that. In addition, this scene was extra special because it would be the babymaking scene. It reminded me of the fact that my own love life wasn't that smooth for a person over 30 years old. Especially because I also have a child wish but no one to share it with.

'Okay guys, we're going to start! Colin and Jennifer, you can take off your clothes. Colin, you can keep your boxer shorts on. Jen, you can keep your panties and bra, but you know the script.' explained the director.

We both nodded and did what we were asked. I tried hard not to look, but I couldn't resist it. My eyes fell on her beautiful, slender body. From that moment on I knew it would be very difficult to withhold myself. I wanted to touch her so badly and kiss her all over her body.

I noticed that she was looking at me too and her cheeks flushed red. I smiled at her before we went into the bed together. It felt very forced, but when I felt her skin against mine, that feeling disappeared.

There was a certain tension between us. Especially in the sexual way. That tension wasn't only between Killian and Emma, but also between Jennifer and me.

'Action!' the director yelled.

'We should go to sleep, Killian' she murmured while she laid her head down on my bare chest.

'Aye, but I prefer something else'

'What then?' she asked.

'This' I lifted her chin and kissed her. First slowly but then more passionately.

She stroked my jaw with her thumbs as she kissed me back. My tongue slid along hers, which was in the script this time. She nibbled on my lower lip and cupped the back of my head with her hands.

I already knew she was a great kisser but this one seemed more passionate than others. I tried to separate myself from the character, but it wasn't easy since my attraction to her developed.

'You're so beautiful' I said. It was in the script but I meant every single word of it. She really is beautiful.

She laid down on top of me and ground her body against mine. I groaned as she kissed my eyes, my temples and bit my earlobe.

I lowered the straps of her bra down her shoulders and arms. Once her red bra hit the floor, she found my lips again. I felt her breasts against my bare chest as she kissed and ground on me. I tried everything to keep myself together but the only thing I wanted now was to slide off her panties.

* * *

 **A/N: I stopped in the middle of 'it** ', **because I want to continue it from Jen's view!**


	7. Chapter 7 - Sexual Tension (Part 2)

**Jen's pov**

The whole day I was nervous because of this scene. I've done it before and it's always a bit weird. You get excited, but you can't do anything and mostly you don't want it with that person either. It was different with Colin.

He moaned in my ear and I could hear that it wasn't acted. My fingers stroked his chest towards his stomach. I rested my hand on his boxers.

When I wanted to sit more comfortably on him, I felt his hardness. He was turned on and I couldn't deny that I was too. It felt like it wanted to break free from his boxers. I wanted to tease Colin a bit more. I knew he -literally- had a hard time right now, but so had I.

I rode him while his boxers were still on. Nobody could notice it, but Colin definitely did.

'Cut! Well done guys. Let's have a short break. We'll start in about 15 minutes!' The director said as he and the crew walked out.

Colin sighed. 'Seriously Jen... Was that necessary? You're giving me a really hard time right now'

I giggled. 'Yeah, I could feel that.'

He laughed. 'I'm sorry about that. I don't have the control of it'

I was still on top of him and gazed into his blue eyes. 'I know, that's why I did it. You should now by now that I like to tease'

'Maybe I like that too' he said as he ran his hand towards my breast.

I grabbed it. 'What are you doing?'

'Teasing' he said as he continued. I moaned as he touched my breast and squeezed it. He touched my breasts before, but we had clothes on then.

'Let me guess. You're going to tell me that you want some coffee?' I said in between some moans.

He shook his head. 'I can't go out of bed with that little pirate in my pants'

I chuckled. 'Little pirate?'

'Yeah, I had to call it something'

'I don't think you're pirate is little' I said teasing him. His cheeks flushed red.

'He is just very enthusiastic when a beautiful blonde woman is sitting on me' he said eventually.

I leaned over to him and pressed a kiss on his forehead. My breasts were close to his face and I could feel him stiffen. I shivered.

'Are you cold?' he asked friendly.

I nodded.

'I would have given you my sweater if I was wearing one, but as you can see I have not much to offer you right now'

'Not much. So you do have something?' I asked.

He spread his arms and pulled me against his chest. 'Better?' he said as he wrapped his arms around me.

'Much better'

It felt so good to be in his arms, to see him, to smell him and to hear his voice. It was everything I needed right now.

Unfortunately, the crew came back faster than I wanted. I could lay down on his chest forever. The intimate part of the scene was over and we closed it.

I walked to our cars with Colin. It felt awkward after what we just did. Even Colin couldn't bring out a word and he used to be the crazy one. 'I guess I see you tomorrow then?' I asked stupidly after we reached my car.

He nodded and turned around to walk towards his own car.

'Colin?'

He faced me as I walked over to him. 'What's wrong Jen?'

'Good night' I said and pressed a long kiss onto his lips.

* * *

 **A/N: Jen's view as promised! Hope you enjoyed it! :)**


	8. Chapter 8 - Parking Spot Conversation

**Colin's pov**

I pressed her carefully against her car and deepened the kiss. I ran my hand over her spine up to the back of her head. She sighed as she let go. 'That was...' I started.

'A two days thing now' she added.

I grinned. My head still rested against hers. 'Do you mind?' I whispered.

She shook her head. 'I don't think so'

'Good. I don't know what this means and where it goes, but I'm willing to find out'

She smiled and I noticed something was bothering her. 'What's wrong?'

'Listen, Colin. I really like you and the last few days are killing me. I don't know what I want, but what I do know is that I don't want to lose you as my friend'

'You won't lose me'

'You're saying that now, but what if we try and it's not going to work out? You're not going to tell me that you can still be friends then.'

I grabbed her hand. 'You're too afraid to give it a try, Jen. What if it does work out?'

'But most people don't stay together forever and I'd rather have you all my life as a good friend than for a few years as a boyfriend' she said while staring at our feet.

'But what if you can't find love because of your feelings?'

'Who was talking about feelings?' she sneered.

I knew that words could hurt, but the words she just said had hit me like a sledgehammer. I let go of her hand and walked over to my own car.

'Colin?'

Irritated I turned on my heel to face her and glared. 'What?'

'I don't want to hurt you.'

'You already did, Jen!' I sneered back.

Her face softened. 'You know these things are hard for me, but believe me... I'm trying.'

'You can't say you don't want to be with someone just because you don't want to hurt him. Think about your own happiness.'

'But that's selfish' she muttered.

'It isn't selfish. You're just afraid to get hurt and show your sensitive side.'

'I don't think this is the right place for this conversation'

I raised my eyebrow. 'Seriously, that's what bothering you right now?'

'You want to talk about your feelings on a parking spot? Go ahead! I've nothing left to say.'

I sighed. 'I know about your hurting in the past and that you've dated the wrong guys, but let me tell you one thing.'

'And that will be?' she interrupted.

'Love didn't hurt you. Someone who doesn't know how to love hurt you. Don't confuse those two.'

She gazed at me. I turned around, walked towards my car and drove away.

* * *

 **A/N: Some troubles in Colifer paradise... :(**


	9. Chapter 9 - Beware Of Grumpy Piratess

**Jen's pov**

Last night was very restless. I was thinking about the conversation with Colin in the parking lot. I repeated the moment in my head. I just couldn't understand that Colin can always be so sweet, while I can be really mean. Which I was last night and he didn't deserve that.

I had a lot of scenes with Colin that day. Something I normally look forward to and can enjoy, but what I really didn't want right now. I woke up from my daydream and realized that I had to hurry. I quickly got dressed and hurried to the set where I just saw Colin coming out of his car.

'Goodmorning!' I yelled at him.

He looked at me for a moment, but his face said it all. 'Goodmorning' he said grumpily as he walked towards the trailers.

'Wow, someone is in a bad mood' said Ginny as Colin passed her.

Josh showed up from behind me. 'Beware of grumpy pirates today, Jen!' He pressed a kiss on my cheek and walked over to Ginny. I smiled. Josh can be so childish, but he can always bring a smile to my face and I loved him for that.

I walked on to my own trailer and stretched out on my sofa. My thoughts went back to Colin and a smile appeared on my face. I was so tired that I probably fell asleep.

'Jen!' I heard somewhere far away in my head.

'Hmm..' I murmured.

'Jen!' It was louder now.

I opened my eyes and looked straight into Colin's face which was upside down. I giggled because of this view. He raised his eyebrow.

'What are you doing here?' I finally asked in amazement.

'I wanted to apologize for earlier. I was rather grumpy.' he said, his cheeks flushing red.

 _How could he be so sincere, sweet and kind, even if he was grumpy?!_ My head was running at full speed through all those thoughts. Colin clearly noticed that.

'Are you okay?' he asked.

'Yes, I am.' I answered uncertainly.

He laughed. 'Don't lie to me. You're an open book, Morrison '

I was still on the couch and Colin was still leaning above me. Even upside down his face was the most beautiful I've had ever seen.

A yawn escaped from my mouth. 'Sorry, I didn't sleep much tonight.' I apologized.

'Busy with other things?' Colin asked cheekily. He clearly meant something else.

'If you mean things like that... No, then I wasn't busy!'

He laughed. 'You're not the only one who has had a short night.' he said as he sat down beside me on the sofa.

'Move up a little!' he said after a while, throwing his legs on the sofa.

'Colin, what are you...' I began but he cut me off.

'As I said, I also had a short night. You seem very comfortable, so I'll be lying next to you.'

I laughed. This is exactly why he's such a dork. His reasoning doesn't make any sense and that's what made him so funny.

'Unless you want me to leave?' he added.

I couldn't help but stare into his beautiful blue eyes. I drowned a countless number of times in them and every time it happened again. As if he comes from another planet.

'Please stay' my voice not louder than a whisper

'If the lady insists'

I nodded in agreement. Despite our little quarrel last night, I wanted to have him with me. None of us apologized, but we also couldn't stay away from each other.

'Colin?'

He laughed. 'How many times are you going to say my name, Jen? Just say what you want to say'

'Don't you like it when I say your name, O'Donoghue?' I said teasingly.

'I do like it when you scream it' he said cheekily.

He caressed my face and came close to me. My hands were clinging to him as I tried to steady my breathing. His face was so close to mine. Our lips were a mere inch apart and I wanted to taste him so badly.

He brought his head closer and pressed his lips to mine. He turned me a bit so he was on top of me. I felt sparks all over my body and my heart was racing very fast. I wrapped my arms around him without leaving his lips. He opened his mouth to deepen the kiss but then my thoughts were interrupting us. My body shouted _YES, YES, YES!_ But my thoughts were telling me something different.

 _NO, NO, NO_

I put my hands on his chest and slowly pushed him away.

'Colin, we can't do this ...'

* * *

 **A/N: Seriously... everyone wants your spot on that sofa, Jen! Sorry for teasing, again... 3**


	10. Chapter 10 - Her Kind Of Guy(liner)

**Colin's pov**

I got up quickly and Jennifer did the same. 'You have to be kidding, Jen. Again? You can't treat me like that.' I said finally.

'Treat you like what?' she shouted.

'Don't act like you have no idea what I'm talking about. You're teasing the hell out of me.'

'I really don't know what you're talking about'

I snorted. 'You're playing with my feelings right now. You always act like you want me but when the moment is there you push me away!'

'You're my best friend, Colin! I can't be your friend with benefits.'

'I don't want you to be my friend with benefits. I have feelings for you, Jen!' The words came out of my mouth before I realized it.

Her jaw dropped. 'You... you have what?' she stuttered.

'I have feelings for you.' I said softer this time.

'Colin...' she began as she sat down on the sofa again. She gestured for me to sit next to her.

'If you start a sentence with my name then there is often something I don't like' I said as I sat down next to her.

She grabbed my hand. ' Colin, you have to listen to me.' I nodded in agreement. 'You're one of my closest friends and I don't want to lose that. You're a handsome guy and I do love you for sure, but I just love you as my friend... you know...'

My heart filled with disappointment. The past few days I really thought there was more between us, but it was all lust. At least for her.

'Why did you kiss me if you don't have feelings for me?'

'I guess I was just confused. I had feelings for you when you were in a relationship. We have chemistry for sure, everyone can see that.'

She gazed into my eyes and caressed my face with her hand. I desperately needed to kiss her right now but I tried as hard as I could to withhold myself. 'Don't you feel that too?' I finally asked.

'What do you mean?' I could see she was confused.

'This tension between us' I whispered while I leaned my head forwards. My head was so close to hers that I could count the tiny hairs on her face. 'Colin...' she began but I cut her off.

'Stop saying Colin' I whispered.

'But...'

'No buts'

She giggled. 'What am I allowed to say?'

'Nothing' I said as I pressed my lips to hers.

I slowly slid my hands under her shirt without leaving her lips. I needed to feel her skin and touch her. Against all expectations, she wrapped her arms around me as she sat down on top of my lap. I groaned as I felt the pressure of her body against my manhood.

One moment later the door flew open. Jennifer quickly grabbed an eyeliner from her table.

'What are you doing?' the makeup artist asked as she lifted her eyebrow. Jen was still on top of me pretending she was applying my eyeliner.

'We... I...' I began.

'I wanted to try the guyliner thing once!' Jen said enthusiastically. She increased the pressure on my groin.

'I warned you, Morrison...' I groaned into her ear.

'Maybe I have to admit that you are my kind of guy, O'Donoghue' she whispered back.

* * *

 **A/N: Someone clearly doesn't know what she wants...**


	11. Chapter 11 - Cooking Is Like Performing

**Jen's pov**

There was tension between us all day. With every touch, I felt goosebumps all over my body and I was sure he had it too. With every smile, I felt my knees become weak. He had that influence on many women. I didn't lie this morning. He was my kind of man, and after I had felt what he has in his pants, it became increasingly difficult to hold back.

The end of my shooting day approached and I knew that Colin was going home at the same time. I was waiting for him by his car, something I did more often lately. His beautiful smile appeared on his face when he saw me.

'Hey you!' he said cheerfully.

'Hey you!' I repeated. 'What are you doing tonight?'

'Not many plans. It will probably be a Netflix night. Again.' he said with little enthusiasm.

'Maybe we can do something fun together?' I gathered all my courage to ask the question. There was a long silence.

'If you don't want to, then...' I began.

'No, no, that is not the point.' he said quickly.

'What is the point then?'

'I didn't expect it, Jen.' he said as he grabbed my hands. 'But I think it's nice to do something together. It's a long time ago.'

I nodded. The last time we did something together was over a year ago. Of course, we're on the set every day, but it's different. Being together with him has always been very nice. He's the kind of person you can laugh with, cry with and share everything with. I smiled at the thought of that.

'Earth to Jennifer. What do you want to do?' he asked for the second time.

'Sorry... We can go to my place and cook together if you like it?' I suggested

'I would really like that!' he said genuinely enthusiastic.

I felt a weight falling from my shoulders. 'Shall we go then?'

He nodded. 'There is only one problem...'

 _Please, don't say that you have a girlfriend and that you can't do this._ 'What kind of problem?'

'Buckley ... I really have to walk with him before I go to your place'

Another weight fell off. 'No problem! Then we first go to your place and then to mine. I also like to see Buckley again.'

We got into his car and drove to his house. He has said for a long time that he wouldn't move for his work, but he did it anyway. Traveling became too much for him. I've always had a lot of respect for the fact that his family lives on the other side of the world and that he's actually completely alone here. Of course, he has his friends and colleagues from Once Upon A Time, but a big part of his life is back in Ireland.

'There we are!' he said as he parked the car. He got out and walked to the other side to open my door. _He is such a gentleman._ I smiled when I got out of the car and we walked together to the front door. Behind the door, I heard Buckley running enthusiastically back and forth.

'Hey Bucks!' Colin exclaimed enthusiastically as we walked inside. He knelt down next to Buckley and tickled his head. 'Hey buddy!'

We put on his collar and leash and walked together. It almost felt like we were already a couple. 'You can take Buckley with you if you want to? Ava would love it!'

He nodded. 'I don't have to pay attention to the time, so if you do not mind...'

'Of course not! You and Buckley are always welcome, you know that.'

We walked back towards his house. Colin fastened Buckley in the car as I leaned against it. When he was done he came close to me. 'Ready to go?' he asked.

I could only nod. His head was very close to mine and my knees became weak again. 'Ready to cook?' I finally managed to say.

'Don't you just want to order something?'

I shook my head. 'No way, O'Donoghue!'

He laughed. 'Since when are you so dedicated to cooking?'

'Cooking is like performing. Put it all together and raise the temperature. That's why I am so dedicated'

He groaned. 'Are you sure you're still talking about cooking?'

* * *

 **A/N: Date number 1 is on its way!**


	12. Chapter 12 - The Secret Ingredient

**Colin's pov**

The ride to Jennifer's house was a quiet one. Despite the fact that we didn't say anything, the tension was tangible. Buckley tried to get our attention a few times from the back seat. He always liked Jennifer and nothing was changed.

I parked the car in front of her house and looked at her. She looked beautiful. I always knew she was, but lately, I noticed it more and more. I smiled when she looked back at me. We got out of the car and walked with Buckley to her front door.

Jennifer put the key in the door as there was a soft barking from behind it. Jennifer laughed. 'Sorry, Ava is very enthusiastic'. Buckley also seemed to be very excited. She opened the door and Buckley rushed inside as if it were his own house.

'Sorry...' I murmured when Ava and Buckley ran through her house.

'Don't worry. They're having fun together, right?'

I nodded in agreement. 'Just like us' I said before I realized. My cheeks flushed red.

Jennifer smiled. 'Shall we start cooking?'

'You really don't want to order something, do you?' I laughed.

She shook her head. 'You think I can't cook, so I want to prove that I can do it'

'I never said tha...' I started, but she cut me off.

'No, but after 6 years I know how your head works.'

Jennifer put her stuff down and continued her way to the kitchen. I followed her. 'Shall I make us some pasta?' she asked.

'Sounds great! Tell me what I can do!' I said as she took the ingredients out of the cupboards.

'If you can cut the ingredients, I'll start cooking'

I did what she told me to do. I had to search through her kitchen, but finally, I found a knife and a cutting board. Less than half an hour later a delicious smelling pasta was ready.

I raised my hand to give a high five. 'We did it!'

Jennifer laughed. 'You pretend like making a pasta is a victory'

'I mainly eat take-out food, so it's actually a victory' I said as I stared at my feet. I wasn't great at cooking and would never be.

'You only eat take-out?' she asked surprised.

'Mainly. Sometimes I cook, but there's nothing fun to cook for yourself'

She nodded understandingly. 'I recognize it. Maybe we should do this more often.'

'Sounds nice, Jen!'

I took a bite of the pasta and it tasted great. 'Wow, what's in this Jen?'

She laughed. 'You helped yourself, dork'

'No secret ingredient or something?'

She shrugged her shoulders. 'Love is the secret ingredient'

I swallowed. I couldn't tell if she was still talking about the food. We ate in silence.

'We can watch Netflix together if you want to?' she asked.

I nodded. It felt good to be with her. Since I moved here I noticed that I felt more lonely. Of course, I have Buckley, but sometimes you just need human contact. On the set, I have it continuously, but it would be nice to have someone at home. Someone to eat with, to talk to, to laugh with. You name it.

After clearing the table we moved to the living room. Buckley was stretched out on the couch, leaving only a small space. 'Buckley, move your ass!'

'Let him lie down. It doesn't matter to me. We have small butts, so that will fit the little spot.'

I laughed as I sat down on the couch. Jennifer walked over to me and sat down beside me. It was very tight. She laughed. 'Okay, maybe you're right'

I turned my head and stared at her. 'I think it's fine, actually' I said no louder than a whisper.

She laughed and laid her head down on my chest. I could almost hear my own heartbeat.

'I like it this way'

She trembled and a little sigh escaped her lips.

'Cold?' I smiled as her gaze found mine.

She nodded. 'A little. I guess I'm more tired than I realized'

'If you want me to leave...'

'No, please stay!' she said as she patted my leg. The heat from her hand penetrated my jeans. Her touch was as comforting as I remembered. I suppressed a moan.

'You want something to drink?' she asked.

I shook my head. I was afraid to open my mouth and let out another sexual sigh that was threatening me. Besides that, I was also afraid that the tension would be gone when she got up.

I tried to keep myself together as I prayed my heartbeat would go back to normal. I would be in big trouble if my thoughts didn't slow down...


	13. Chapter 13 - Head Over Heels

**Jen's pov**

Colin's eyes were burning like lasers through me. He held me tighter as I snuggled my face inside the curve of his neck.

'You're killing me' he moaned

'I don't want you to leave tonight' I said no louder than a whisper

'I don't have to' he murmured.

I couldn't believe what was happening right now. I was totally head over heels for this man and I could feel that he felt the same. We had never really expressed ourselves to one another, but admitting that you don't want to leave is enough for me. I want this man. No, I need him.

Although I didn't expect it, Colin pulled me on top of his lap. He kissed me and I could feel something grow underneath me. I, on the other hand, had turned into a slip and slide.

He pulled my shirt over my head and released the clasps on my bra. I didn't feel ashamed at all. I felt never ashamed with him. I moaned as I pulled his shirt over his head.

My fingers slid across his abdomen. He couldn't suppress a moan coming out of his mouth. I could feel his erection pressing against me as I moved my body over his hips.

'Shall we go upstairs?' I moaned.

He nodded. I wrapped my arms and legs around his neck and waist when he got up. He walked the stairs with me around his body. It surprised me every time how strong he was. When we arrived in my bedroom, he carefully laid me down on my bed.

I smiled when he came on top of me. 'Are you sure, Jen?' he asked. I nodded. There was nothing I wanted more than this. 'There is no way back when we continue...' he tried.

I caressed his face. My fingers slowly slid across his cheeks and perfect jawline. 'I don't want to. I want you, Colin.' I was very sure about this.

'Me too' he finally said. I pressed my lips to his.

He got up to kick off his pants. He removed the skirt I was wearing and smiled when he found no panties underneath. 'So you were waiting for me?' he asked cheekily. I nodded.

He buried his face between my legs, causing a moan to escape my lips. My entire body was filled with lust and pleasure and I could barely breathe. Just as I was about to reach my peak he stopped. 'Don't do this to me' I moaned dissatisfied.

It took a while to catch my breath. I already enjoyed this man and the real work still had to start. My hand slid down from his abdomen over his hardness. I stroked him carefully as I pressed kisses all over his body.

I noticed that he was about to reach his peak. I sat down on him and carefully slid him inside of me. 'Oh shit' he growled. Pleasure took over my body. It wasn't my first time, but I never had sex like this before. I made love for the first time. It was nice and slow and he took his time with me. Colin knew exactly what I needed. Colin was actually all I needed.

* * *

 **A/N: A short chapter but a lot of moaning ;)**


	14. Chapter 14 - Sex,Murder & Flying Popcorn

**Colin's pov**

After enjoying a passionate session of lovemaking and a brief sleep, I woke up in the middle of the night. I pressed a kiss on Jennifer's blonde hair as I pulled her closer to me. Her head was placed on my chest. Our bodies were a perfect fit.

Jennifer smiled. She ran her soft, warm hand over my abdomen towards my chest. She lifted her head and met my eyes.

'That was...' she began

'Not a one time thing' I said as I pressed my lips on hers.

She nodded. 'But I don't know if I can do this, Colin'

'We already did. We will figure it out, But all I want now is you'

'Shall we finish the movie we were supposed to watch?' She asked to avoid the subject but I nodded.

She walked downstairs to grab her MacBook, some drinks and a bucket of popcorn. She placed her MacBook on her bed and snuggled herself against my body. We were watching in silence for almost half an hour.

'He'll never get away with it. He left some clues behind almost like he wants to get caught.' she said as she rolled her eyes.

The killer was in the victims' house, waiting for the victim to come home so he could kill him. 'You think he wants to get caught?' I asked as I raised my eyebrow.

'Subconsciously, yes'

I smirked at her logic.

'What? I didn't mean he wants to get caught. He's just not smart enough to do it right and get away with it'

I couldn't help but smirk again

'Colin!' she yelled as she threw a piece of popcorn at me. It rolled down my chest. A giggle escaped out of her mouth.

'Bad Jen!' I flipped my body on top of hers. The popcorn was flying as I pinned her under my weight.

She gasped. 'We're going to miss the part where he's going to kill him'

I pressed my hips firmly into hers so she could feel how hard I was. She moaned.

'Still want to watch?' I said huskily.

She shook her head. 'Fuck the movie'

I slipped my tongue inside her mouth. When I let go of her I stared down at her perfect body as her eyes danced over my chest.

I palmed her breast and my fingers rolled over her nipple. 'Fuck the movie!' she moaned again. I lifted myself and sat down on the edge of her bed. 'Stand up!' I commanded.

She pushed to her feet and stood in front of me. I could see that she was confused. Last night I showed her my sensitive side, but this time I wanted to show her something else.

I grabbed her hips and spun her around. Het ass was facing me now. I stood up and cuddled her from behind. She shivered. 'Don't worry. I'm not going to hurt you.' I whispered.

'Put your knees on your bed and bend forward' I commanded.

She did as I asked. I took place behind her and nudged her legs apart. I pushed the tip of my cock against her entrance. 'You're so wet' I groaned in her ear. I kissed her cheek as I slid him inside of her.

Her breathing grew heavier as I slowly began to thrust inside her. I slid my hand over her spine and slipped my free hand around her hip and rubbed my fingertips against her wet clit. 'Oh...' she cried.

She moaned as we both released and I collapsed on top of her. I withdrew from her body and she winced at the sudden emptiness. I laid back on my place as she still laid down where I left her.

'Come on Jen, you're going to miss the part where he's going to kill him.' I laughed as I playfully smacked on her ass.

She sighed and snuggled her body against mine. We finished the movie and fell asleep.

Later that night I woke up again. I heard someone unlocking the front door downstairs.

'Jen, I'm home!'

* * *

 **A/N: Worst title ever... but... who came home that night? You'll find out soon 😇**


	15. Chapter 15 - Not Entirely Mine

**Jen's pov**

'Jen, I'm home!' I heard somewhere in the distance. I opened my eyes and saw that Colin was awake.

'Who is that?' he asked.

I flushed red. 'Tell me, Jen!' he insisted

We heard someone walk up the stairs. 'Later. Hide in the closet, please'

He gave me a ferocious look as he picked up his things. He hurried to the closet and could hide just in time. I sighed with relief.

'Hey beautiful!' Aiden said as he walked into my bedroom. A grin appeared on his face when he realized that I was naked. 'Were you waiting for me?' he asked cheekily.

I smiled. 'I didn't know you were coming home already' I admitted. Aiden walked over to me and I felt my heartbeat speed up. He sat down beside me and kissed me.

'Why are you back already?'

'Aren't you happy to see me?' he asked disappointed.

'Of course, I'm happy. I'm just surprised.'

He nodded. 'I wanted to see you before I go to my parents'

But you're just here...'

'I know, honey, but my mother needs me. Do I see you tonight?'

I nodded. He pressed a kiss on my forehead and hurried downstairs. Before I realized it, I heard the front door close.

Colin came out of the closet and avoided any eye contact. He threw his clothes on my bed and started to dress.

'Colin...' I began.

'No, Jen. I'm so done! I really thought this could be something. That we could become something...' he said. I could see that his feelings were hurt.

'We can become something...' I tried.

He grinned. 'You think? You didn't even tell me that you have a relationship. We had sex. Twice!' He almost screamed with anger. I had never seen him like that before.

'Colin...' I said again

'What? What do you want me to do or say? Oh Jen, it doesn't matter that you haven't told me about your boyfriend. No problem! Sex?' he said sarcastically.

Tears welled up in my eyes. 'I know it was wrong, but I didn't want to push you away again. I really like you.'

He shook his head. 'So lying was a better option?'

'I just don't know what I want.' I said as a tear rolled down my cheeks.

Colin rolled his eyes. His voice became softer. 'You know, Jen ... I know what I want and after tonight I thought we were on the same line. My heart is broken too often and I'm done with it. You are happy with him, so who am I to disturb that?'

I stood up. His eyes slid over my naked body as I walked towards him.

'Jen...'

'Do you want me?' I asked cheekily.

Colin closed his eyes and nodded. 'Yes...' he whispered

'I'm all yours'

I took his hand and put it on my breast. He moaned.

'Do you like what you feel?'

He nodded again. After a while, he took his hand off my breast. 'Jen... don't. You are not entirely mine, you showed me that'

'But I want to be that'

He shook his head. 'I can't do this. I'm not a second choice and I don't want to be that. I need someone who really wants me and not just for sex '

He took the rest of his things and walked to the door.

'Colin?'

He turned on his heel and raised his eyebrow.

'Can we still be friends?'

He shrugged his shoulders and left.

* * *

 **A/N: Poor Colin... Small explanation: Aiden is a made-up person and Jennifer's boyfriend in this story. She doesn't see him often, because he has to travel a lot for his work.**


	16. Chapter 16 - My Chosen One

**Jen's pov**

Colin had left early in the morning. I knew I would see him again on the set later that day. I was looking forward to it, but I was also ashamed. I knew I should have told him about Aiden, but I just couldn't bear it. Being together with Colin was nice, so incredibly nice that it can't be described. It feels like coming home after a long journey, even better than that. The evening and night we had together were great and I ruined everything in barely ten minutes.

I buried my head in my pillow. Although I didn't see Aiden often, I really started to love him. It wasn't comparable with what I felt for Colin, far from it, but I loved him. 'Dammit!' I screamed in my pillow. Tears rolled down my cheeks. I can't lose Colin. I refuse to.

I went out of bed a little while later. I looked at myself in the mirror and what I saw was awful. Red eyes with bags underneath it. Something that appeals to every man... Not! I laughed at how pathetic that actually sounded in my head. 'You're a 38-year-old woman, Jen. Get your shit together' I said to my reflection in the mirror. I poked the bags underneath my eyes and laughed. 'The make-up artists will have a lot of work on that!'

The morning slowly passed. Colin would start at 11 o'clock, but it was a scene without me so I started later. When I was picking up my stuff, I saw his t-shirt in the corner of my eye. My heart skipped a beat. His t-shirt was on the couch. As a movie, the night before played off in my head.

And then I realized that we had already pulled out each other's shirts on the couch. I sat down on the couch with Colin's shirt in my hands. I brought it to my face and sniffed his smell. His delicious familiar scent. He always wears t-shirts under his blouses and he must have forgotten it this morning. I took me a while to realize something else. The most terrible part. Aiden... Aiden must have seen Colin's shirt when he came in. I buried my face in my hands. What was I doing?

When I arrived on set they were already done with the scene without me. It went so well that they were done very quickly. I went looking for Colin. Something I did every day for almost 6 years. Only this time it was different. This time he probably wouldn't want to see me.

His shirt burned in my bag. I doubted whether I should give it back or not. I walked towards his trailer and knocked. No answer. I pushed the door handle down, but it was locked. I stared through the window but saw no movement. Colin wasn't in his trailer at all.

I turned around as I heard a voice singing softly. I recognized the sound like no other and walked in the direction it came from. Colin sat on a bench with his guitar, humming a song. When I came closer I could hear him sing.

 _'Touch my mouth and hold my tongue. I'll never be your chosen one. I'll be home, safe and tucked away. Well, you can't tempt me if I don't see the day'_

I swallowed as I watched him. He didn't realize I was there. He was often ashamed to sing, but his voice was beautiful. I could listen to it for hours.

 _'The pull on my flesh was just too strong. It stifled the choice and the air in my lungs. Better not to breathe than to breath a lie. Because when I open my body, I breathe a lie.'_ he continued.

Tears welled up in my eyes. It felt like he sang about me and I was pretty sure he did.

 _'I will not speak of your sin. There was a way out for him. The mirror shows not. Your values are all shot.'_

I felt a tear roll down my cheeks. Don't get me wrong, his singing was beautiful, but the words hit me one by one.

 _'But oh my heart, was flawed I knew my weakness...'_ he went on but he stopped immediately when he heard a loud crackle. A branch broke under my feet.

'Jen? How long have you been there?' he asked in amazement.

'Long enough'

He nodded and continued on his guitar. I walked over to him and sat down next to him on the bench.

'Colin...'

He laughed. 'If you start a sentence with my name, it usually means nothing good' he said annoyed.

I took his hand but he pulled it away. 'I'm really sorry. It was so incredibly wrong to tell you nothing about Aiden, but I started to fall for you.'

He rolled his eyes. 'I already fell for you. And do you know what has fallen with me this morning? My heart.'

Tears rolled down my cheeks. 'I'm so sorry.' I sounded more desperate than I would have liked.

He wiped the tears from my cheeks. I smiled. 'I don't want you to cry' he said. How has the world deserved a man like him? The most loyal and sincere man out there.

'I don't want you to hate me...' I cried

'I don't hate you. You hurt my feelings.'

'That's even worse!'

He sighed and stared at his feet. 'You know, Jen... I wish you all the luck in this world. You deserve that. You _really_ deserve that.'

Another tear rolled down my cheek. I wrapped my arm around him and put my head down on his shoulder. It felt so good to be with him.

'What about us now?' I asked. I was afraid of his answer. Afraid he didn't want to see me anymore. Afraid he wouldn't tell me everything again. Afraid that he couldn't or wouldn't be friends anymore. Did I mention that I was afraid?

'I don't know. I honestly don't know. I can't imagine a life without you'

'Neither do I...' I had spent most of my life without him, but he had become so important to me. 'You're my best friend...' I added.

'And you're mine'

A weight fell off my shoulders. We both stood up and I hugged him. 'Are we finding our ways through this together?'

He nodded as he hugged me back. I felt my knees getting weak and my skin was on fire because his was touching mine.

'Colin...' I said when I pulled away from him.

He laughed. 'You really like to say my name, don't you?'

I smiled back. 'What did you mean when you sang: I'll never be your chosen one?'

'It's just a song.' he tried.

I shook my head. 'No, it was more than that. Tell me!'

He sighed. 'I'm disappointed in relationships so often. You know me. If I like someone I'll go for it all the way but it hurts even more if it's not mutual. It also happened more often that there was another man and it never worked out well. '

'Why?'

'I was never the chosen one'

I caressed his cheek with my thumb.

'You'll always be my chosen one'

* * *

 **A/N: The song Colin was singing is an actual song. It's 'Broken Crown' by Mumford and Sons.**


	17. Chapter 17 - Comforted With A Lie

**Colin's pov**

It was difficult to get through the day. I still didn't realize what has happened in this short amount of time. I knew that I had shared the bed with my best friend. Twice! Something I would never do, but something that did happen and all I felt was guilt and self-pity.

The worst part of all this is that I have feelings for her. Of course, I already loved her, but this is different. This goes deeper than friendship. Deeper than what I have ever felt in my life. I denied it until last night. Yesterday evening there was nothing holding us back. No opinions from others, no colleagues, no cameras. Nothing. Until Aiden came home.

'Hey you!' I heard a familiar voice behind me. Jennifer walked over to me and sat next to me on the docks.

'Hey,' I murmured back.

'Are you alright? I haven't seen you at lunch '

I nodded. 'Yes, I think so. I just don't feel that hungry, that's all.' I swallowed and felt a lump in my throat. She must have heard it clearly.

'Are you sure?' she asked concerned.

'Do you love him?' I asked before I even realized it.

I noticed that she was startled by my question. There was a moment of silence before she answered. 'Yes, I do love him'

I felt my heart break into small pieces. 'Good.' I managed to say. 'Are you going to tell him?'

She shrugged her shoulders. 'I don't know. I don't want to hurt him.'

'Sometimes it's better to get hurt by the truth than to be comforted with a lie'

'Maybe, but I don't know what I want yet'

'How are you going to find out?'

She shrugged her shoulders again. 'I don't know. Maybe I should spend time with both of you to find out. I haven't seen Aiden for a long time, so maybe things have changed between us.'

'You deserve someone who is always there for you, Jen. Not someone who should comfort you over the phone most of the time.'

'Let me guess, you can be that man?' she asked offended

'Why do you interpret it that way? I do believe that I can give you that yes, but you know your feelings and I don't.'

'I just don't know, Colin!'

I rolled my eyes. 'I love you, I truly do, but I can't do anything with this answer. I want to start building my own life and yes I hope you want to be part of it, but I'm not going to wait while you're with someone else. I refuse to do that to myself.'

Tears welled up in her eyes. 'But I don't want to lose you...'

I wiped a tear from her cheek. 'And I don't want to lose you.'

We sat in silence on the docks for a while. Both not knowing what to say but enjoying the silence at the same time.

'Do you want to go on date with me?'

My jaw dropped. I tried to meet her gaze. 'What did you say?'

'Do you want to go on date with me?' she repeated

'Yes, I would love to! Maybe tonight after work?'

She shook her head. 'Aiden... I promised him to be home tonight.'

Disappointed I stared at the horizon. She put her hand on mine. 'Is tomorrow evening okay?' she asked with her puppy eyes

I shook my head with a laugh. 'You are unbelievable, Morrison'

'Please?' she insisted.

'Yes, surprise me!'

'Wait, do I have to...?' she started but I cut her off.

'Aye, love. Meet me at 7' I whispered in her ear.

'Woa.. wait... wait a minute, a date with Hook or a date with Colin?' she laughed.

'Whatever you want, babe' I winked, pressed a kiss on her cheek and walked away from the docks.


	18. Chapter 18 - No Desserts Before Dinner

**Jen's pov**

That evening I had a date with Aiden. When I got home he had cooked a delicious meal and there were candles on the table. Normally I would have loved it, but this time it didn't matter much to me. Aiden talked about his business trip and told me that he had to leave again tomorrow for his next trip.

'Can't you stay longer?' I asked

He shook his head. 'It gets paid well, honey. This summer we can finally make that long journey that you would like to'

That he would like to. I've spent part of my life in an airplane, so I don't even want to make a long journey. I was disappointed that he had to leave so quickly, but it gave me opportunities to find out what I wanted with Colin.

Everything that Aiden does, I now compare with Colin. I even compare the sex between us with that one night I had with him. It was so perfect. He was so loving and gentle, but also had his crazy naughty side.

'Jen?' Aiden said. I was apparently lost in my thoughts.

'Sorry, what did you say?'

'Don't you work too much?' he asked concerned.

I shook my head. 'It was just an intense day' I lied. There was only one person in my head and that wasn't Aiden. After a while, I fell asleep with my head on his chest.

The next morning I woke up and I noticed that Aiden was already gone. It surprised me because he always woke me up when he had to leave. I found a note on my bedside table.

 _'Good morning darling,_

 _I've let you sleep because you were so tired last night. Don't forget I love you and I'll see you in two weeks._

 _With love, Aiden '_

I smiled. He was always so sweet and concerned. I sent him a message to let him know that I had read it and to wish him a nice trip. Then I quickly got ready for a new day of work. That night I would finally go on a date with Colin and I was really looking forward to it. We have been friends for years and we know each other very well, but we can talk endlessly about everything.

I picked one of my favorite dresses for tonight's date and looked for a nice pair of heels. I put them in my bag and less than a minute later Josh and Ginny were at the door to pick me up.

The day slowly passed. I didn't see Colin that much that day and it only made me more nervous. Our gazes met at lunch, but he sat down with Andrew and Rose. It frustrated me that I couldn't talk about it to anyone.

Somewhat before 7, we were finally done. I hurried myself to my trailer to change my clothes. 'Are you going somewhere?' Ginny asked when she came by my trailer to say goodbye.

I nodded. 'I'm going to eat something with...' I paused

'With whom?'

'With Colin' I admitted

Ginny laughed. 'Finally! Have fun tonight!' she yelled at me as she walked away with Josh.

'Thanks! See you tomorrow!' I yelled back. I quickly fixed my hair and make-up and walked outside. Colin leaned against my trailer. He looked beautiful in his dark jeans and a black shirt. His jaw dropped.

'You look...' he paused for a minute '...beautiful, Jen'

I smiled and looked at my feet shyly. It was colder than I expected. He noticed that I shivered so he wrapped his arm around me as we walked to his car.

'Where are we going?' he asked as we sat in the car

'Your favorite restaurant'

He raised his eyebrow. 'My favorite restaurant?'

'Come on, O'Donoghue! You're not going to tell me that I know better what your favorite is than yourself!'

He laughed. 'I'm afraid so, Morrison. I have no clue'

'Think about it' I insisted

He thought for a few seconds. 'McDonald's?'

I rolled my eyes. 'I think we're really well dressed for that, dork. We're going to eat at that Irish restaurant you talked about recently'

He laughed harder this time. 'Irish restaurant? You mean a pub?' he almost cried out of laughing.

'You know what I mean!' I said offended.

He started the engine while he was still laughing.

I slapped his knee. 'Colin! Stop it!'

'Sometimes you really don't know how funny you are, Jen. But you want to get to know the Irish atmosphere?'

I nodded. 'Yes, you know the United States by now, but I don't know anything about Ireland.'

He looked at his rear-view mirror and then at me. 'Why don't you go with me once? My parents would also like to see you again'

'I would love to, but...' I began, but he cut me off.

'Aiden, I know...'

I put my hand on his hand that rested on his gear stick. 'Shall we not talk about him tonight, but only about us?'

He nodded. 'Don't you feel guilty?' he asked directly.

'Colin!'

'I'm sorry, I just can't get it out of my mind'

I caressed the top of his hand. 'Shall we just enjoy tonight?'

He nodded in agreement.

After a few minutes of driving, he parked the car in front of the restaurant. He turned to me and caressed my cheek with his thumb. He rested his forehead against mine and our noses touched each other. I felt his warm breath against my face. We were like that for a few minutes and neither of us wanted to let the other go.

'You really have to let go, otherwise I can't stop myself from kissing you' he moaned

When his lips came closer, I pressed a kiss on his cheek.

'No desserts before dinner, O'Donoghue'

* * *

 **A/N: Next chapter is about their date from Colin's point of view!**


	19. Chapter 19 - Drunk Sleepover

**Colin's pov**

We went into the restaurant together. The host welcomed us and guided us to a table in the corner of the restaurant. It was nice and quiet there. Even though it was Friday night, it wasn't very busy.

Jennifer ordered a glass of wine and I ordered a coke. After all, I had to drive back and with the fatigue of that day, it didn't seem like a good plan to drink alcohol.

'Well, Mr. Irish. What would you recommend?' she asked as she looked at the menu.

I grinned. 'I have to disappoint you, but there isn't really an Irish kitchen. If you really want Irish food, then you should go for the Irish stew'

'Irish stew?'

'Yes, a stew with beef, bacon, beer and different kinds of vegetables. Not very well known, but very tasty '

'I trust your knowledge' she laughed.

She ordered a carpaccio as a starter and the Irish stew as the main course. I decided to order the same. After ordering we sat in silence for a while to recover a bit from the busy day at work.

'Do you like it?' she broke the silence.

I nodded. 'Of course. Always when I'm with you, you know that!'

I saw her cheeks flushing red and she tried to avoid my gaze.

'Good to hear, me too'

There was another silence. When our starter was served after about 20 minutes, I noticed that a girl at a table ahead looked in our direction. I laughed.

'What's wrong?' Jennifer asked as she raised her eyebrow.

I bent forward so the girl couldn't hear me.

'I think, that girl at the table behind you recognizes us'

Jennifer smiled. 'Or she thinks that you're just a good looking guy'

'She is barely 16!' I yelled a little too hard.

'You have to learn it on an old bicycle'* she grinned ( **explanation in A/N** )

'That's why I'm attracted to you' I rebounded

'You don't have to learn anything about women anymore' she said kindly

I put my hand on hers and smiled. We enjoyed the rest of the evening and the food. The time went by fast. We had endless conversations about our youth, but also about what we want in the future. After the dessert, I settled and stood up to leave. We decided to go to the girl for a photo and a signature. After that, we headed outside.

It was incredibly cold. I wrapped my arm around her as we walked to the car. I felt her body shiver.

'Do you want to get a coffee on the way home or shall we have a drink at my place?' she asked in the car

I knew that if I went to her house there was a chance that something would happen between us. I could feel the tension during dinner. My head said no, but my heart screamed yes

'Let's have a drink at your place' I finally said

After a 20 minute ride, I parked the car in her street. I turned off the engine and we walked towards the front door. It was autumn for a while, but it was already very cold!

After two cups of coffee, I decided to go home. I looked outside and the world had turned into a winter wonderland. I sighed. I had my driving license for years, but driving this weather was horrible.

'I don't really want you to drive in this weather' she said as if she were reading my thoughts.

I shrugged my shoulders. 'I have to go home anyway'

She turned around and looked at me. 'You can also sleep here. We're free tomorrow. I don't like it when you have to go back in the dark with these slippery roads.'

'Eh... I don't know if that's a smart idea, Jen' I began

'You don't have to sleep with me in one bed. You can go on the couch' she said as she pointed to the couch.

We drank some more wine together. Jennifer was clearly drunk and I felt the alcohol doing all of his work. I looked at the clock and saw that it was already after midnight.

'Maybe we should go to bed' I suggested

'Let me grab a duvet and a pillow for you' she said as she staggered to the kitchen with the wine glasses.

I laughed. I had seen Jen like that before, but never if it was just the two of us. Not much later she entered the living room with a duvet and a pillow.

'There you go, Mr. O'Donoghue' she said with a thick tongue. She turned on her heel and walked to the kitchen.

Since I had no pajamas with me, I decided to sleep in my boxer shorts. The heating was on, so I would be warm enough. When I had taken off my pants and shirt, I turned on my heel and saw Jennifer staring at me.

* * *

 **A/N: *You have to learn it on an old bicycle = a typical Dutch saying. It's a really old one and the meaning nowadays is way different than years ago. Nowadays it's related to sex. It means that if you want to learn how to have great sex, do it with someone old(er) than you**


	20. Chapter 20 - You're In My Veins

**Jen's pov**

The only thing I could do was stare. Staring at his muscled arms and abdomen. My eyes were drawn to him and slid all over his body. He turned on his heel and stared back.

'I... I'm sorry' I stuttered. I tried to look away, but my eyes were constantly drawn to his body.

He raised his eyebrow. The eyebrow that makes him even sexier than he already was. Why had I drunk so much wine? I stumbled in his direction and almost fell over my own feet. He caught me before I smashed to the ground.

I had seen him naked before. I knew perfectly well how his hairy chest overflowed into a tight muscular abdomen and every time it surprised me again. It surprised me how perfect someone can be. Colin brings out the best and the worst in people. The best with his perfect appearance. That handsome face with that sweet smile and naughty blue eyes that you can drown in. Then comes the bad part. He raised the bar so high that no other man can match him. At that point I'm currently with him and Aiden.

'Can't hold your wine?' he asked, referring to one of our scenes as Killian and Emma.

I smiled while he still held me. If he didn't, I would have been lying stretched on the ground right now. My knees were so weak.

'I'm not drunk' I said with a thick tongue.

'Yes, and I'm Captain Hook. Oh wait... wrong joke'

I grinned. 'Do you know what's so nice about you...'

'Tell me'

'Your jokes are so stupid that I only get them if I haven't drunk'

My head was very close to his. I felt his breath against my face. 'Is that so?' he whispered.

The only thing I could do was nod. I had drowned in his eyes and his perfect face so close to mine had taken me to another world. A world in which only he and I existed.

'I want to kiss you, O'Donoghue.' The alcohol was talking. You know what they say about drunk people. Drunk people always speak the truth. In this case certainly true, but this drunk lady would have liked to keep it to herself.

'Then why don't you do it, Morrison?'

'Because I don't want to ruin this moment.' There was the sober Jennifer again. At least that's how it sounded. I really didn't want to ruin the moment between us. There were no circumstances, no expectations, no people, no cameras. Just the two of us. The two of us and the most important fact: Colin almost completely naked within my reach.

He gently pressed his forehead against mine. 'If you don't kiss me, I have to kiss you' he threatened

'Then why don't you do it?' I repeated his sentence

He pressed his soft lips on mine. Emotions overtook me. Part of me felt guilty because of Aiden. The rest was a combination of lust and desire for the man who kissed me passionately. I have kissed many men in my life, but no one did what Colin did to me. He was by far the best kisser out there.

I felt his tongue over my lips, looking for mine. When they met, the kiss became even more passionate. My hand slid across his chest to his abdomen and back up. He moaned between kisses.

Our lips let go of each other so we could catch our breaths again. 'That was...' I began

'The drunk Jennifer who finally admits that there's something going on between us'

'I never denied it.' I protested

'You never admitted it either.' he rebounded

'Don't ruin this moment now'

'Jen, I'm not a toy'

I caressed his face. 'I don't see you like that. Believe me'

'How do you see me then?'

'As a very handsome man, whom I can't and will not keep my hands off and who has to spend the night with me.'

'Jen...' he tried to protest

I put my finger on his mouth to silence him. 'Ssh... You're not a toy for me Colin. You're driving me crazy and every part of my body is craving for you '

He grinned as he leaned his forehead gently against mine again. 'So if I do this...' He slid his hand into my pants. My whole body shivered.

'Please don't tease me. I want you.' I moaned almost desperately.

I pushed him on the couch and sat down on his lap. I curled my hands through his hair and stared into his blue eyes. I saw some leftover eyeliner here and there, but even that was sexy on him. I caressed his cheek with my thumb.

'Colin...'

'Jen...'

'I don't want you to sleep on the couch'

He smiled. 'Me neither'

We sat there for a while. He in his boxer shorts and I on his lap with our foreheads leaning against each other. He started humming softly. His sound calmed me.

'I wish I had a guitar' I said as I enjoyed his humming

'Why?'

'I like it when you sing'

'As you wish' he said as his humming went into a soft singing.

 _'Nothing goes as planned, everything will break. People say goodbye in their own special way'_ he started singing.

 _'All that you rely on and all that you can fake will leave you in the morning, but find you in the day'_

I enjoyed his beautiful voice. He didn't sing often, but every time I heard it, it gave me goosebumps. He sings with so much passion and emotion that it touches you deeply. As if he has experienced everything himself, which was often the case.

 _'Oh, you're in my veins and I cannot get you out. Oh, you're all I taste at night inside of my mouth.'_

I blushed when he looked at me and hoped deep inside that he was singing about me

 _'Oh, you run away 'cause I am not what you found. Oh, you're in my veins and I cannot get you out'_

Tears welled up in my eyes. One slowly rolled down my cheek. Colin wiped it away. 'What's wrong?'

I shook my head. 'Nothing. It's just the first time a man sings for me and your voice calms me '

He pressed a kiss on my cheek.

'Everything for you'

* * *

 **A/N: Colin sang an actual song again in this chapter. It's 'In My Veins' sung by Andrew Belle. It's such a beautiful song!**


	21. Chapter 21 - Give Me A Chance

**Colin's pov**

The next morning I was in bed beside her. It felt so familiar with her and it felt great to wake up next to this beautiful woman. The previous evening it was all about us. I went upstairs with her and before I knew it we were both naked in her bed. It was the third time within a few days. Her head was on my chest and her arm was around my waist. My left arm rested on her lower back as I caressed her face with my right arm.

'I can lay down like this for hours' Her voice was barely a whisper.

'I don't have to go anywhere'

She lifted her head and looked at me. 'Do you want to stay with me today?'

'On one condition'

She raised her eyebrow. 'Tell me'

'I want to get to know you better, Jen'

'But you've known me for almost 6 years?'

I nodded. 'Yes, as friends, but I want to know more about you'

She stroked my abdomen with her hand. I felt something harden under the duvet. She grinned as she went down with her hand. I grabbed her hand to stop her. 'Not that way. I want to know how we are without sex '

She bit her lip and sat down on me. 'Please?' she begged.

I laughed. 'You have no idea how desperate you sound right now'

She shrugged her shoulders. 'Maybe I'm desperate'

I stroked her back with my hands. 'I can't imagine that. You're in a relationship.'

'With someone who is never there'

I didn't even know Aiden, but I didn't like him at all. Jennifer deserved better. Much better. 'I'm here'

She came closer and leaned her forehead against mine. 'I know and I really appreciate that'

'But?' I felt that there was more going on.

'But we don't have a relationship'

That hurt. I knew she was right, but it hurt. 'Would you like that?'

'I've never thought about you that way, to be honest'.

Lie number one. It was written all over her face. 'Never at all?' I still couldn't believe it.

She shook her head. Lie number two. I knew from Ginny that she had feelings for me. She once admitted it at an after party when she had drunk too much.

'I did' I admitted.

She seemed surprised. 'Why didn't you say that?' she said as she moved to sit on the edge of the bed.

'You just told me that you never thought about it'

'I just don't believe you' she said sharply

'The truth is hard to swallow when you're choking in your pride'

She looked angry at me. 'What do you mean?'

I grabbed her hand. 'Jen, sometimes what you truly need is right in front of you... But you've got to be willing to open your eyes and see things in a better and different light'

'I still don't understand you' she said annoyed

I caressed her cheek. 'Open your eyes and look within yourself. Are you satisfied with the life you're living?'

Jennifer grinned. 'What is this... Oprah?'

'I'm serious, Jen'

She thought about it for a moment but finally shook her head. 'No, not really'

'How come?'

A tear rolled down her cheeks. 'I'm so afraid of losing something I love that I refuse to love anything'

I sat down next to her and wrapped my arm around her. She laid her head on my shoulder. 'You know, Jen... Before I met you, I never knew what it was like to be able to look at someone and just smile for no reason. You make me smile every single day no matter how sad I am.'

She stared at me. 'You're too good for this world, Colin'

'You just overthink too much'

'But imagine that I stop things with Aiden and going on with you... What if it doesn't work out?'

'But what if it does work out? You're the risk that I will always take'

She wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tightly, while her cheek rested against mine. A sigh escaped from her mouth. 'Please don't break my heart' she whispered.

I took her face in my hands. 'Give me a chance and I'll never hurt you. Give me a chance to show that I'm not like the rest. Just... Just give me a chance to be with you'

'I give you a chance'

'You what?' I couldn't believe what I just heard

'I give you a chance, but I want to end things with Aiden when he's back. Not just by a phone call or message'

I nodded in agreement. 'Take your time. I'll be waiting for you'

She laughed. 'I was scared as hell to want you but here I am, wanting you anyway'

'Don't be afraid, love'

'Hey, Killian! I missed you!'

I poked her belly with my finger. 'Soon you will scream his name when we have sex'

'No sex today, Mr. Irish'

I suddenly realized that I had indeed come up with the stupid idea of not having sex today. 'Then you'll probably find out that I'm damn boring'

She stood up and pulled me with her. 'You aren't boring. How about pancakes for breakfast?'

I raised my eyebrow. Pancakes had a whole new meaning since last year.

'Not that!' she yelled laughing.

* * *

 **A/N: Bye Aiden!**


	22. Chapter 22 - The Unexpected

**Jen's pov**

Two weeks ago Aiden left for his business trip. I had to find it terrible, but deep inside I was disappointed that he came back today. I had to face him and tell him that I have just had the best two weeks of my life without him but with my best friend and onscreen husband and soulmate. I felt guilty. So incredibly guilty. You can't change feelings. They'll overtake you. What overtook me was how good it can be to be in love, but how much better it is when you have found someone who feels the same way for you. Not that Aiden didn't love me. I knew he did, but in this fairytale, I was the problem. He loved me too much and I didn't love him enough.

Today was the first day without Colin since our snow date. I felt empty without him. A feeling that I wasn't used to. I loved to be alone and to dive into my own world with my own thoughts. The buzzing of my phone woke me from my thoughts.

 _'I miss you, Jen'_

A smile appeared on my face. These kinds of sweet little things... that was typical Colin and made me love him even more. It's these kinds of things that I can appreciate the most. I have had several men in my life and they weren't all bad, but I missed these little things. I now sound just like a pampered kid, but an 'I love you' or a simple kiss before going to bed was what I wanted the most. Thanks to Colin, I finally know what that feels like.

 _'I miss you too'_

I sent the message with a huge smile on my face. Less than a second later I received an answer.

' _I wish I could help you today'_

Tears welled up in my eyes. I had to break someone's heart today and that was the last thing I ever wanted to do.

 _'I really have to do this alone'_

 _'I know. Be careful and don't forget I'm always there for you. X'_

I laughed. 'Be careful?' I repeated aloud. I was about to hurt someone and he was worried about me. I locked my phone and decided to erase all traces of Colin's presence over the past few days. A number of items of clothing were still in the bedroom and Buckley's hair was everywhere.

About an hour later a car stopped in front of my house. Aiden got out and my heart skipped a beat. He was there again. I hated the feeling of two men who loved me, and I knew what was the best choice for me, but seeing Aiden did something inside me. I had missed him.

'Jen?' He called from the hallway. I ran to him. 'You're back!' I hugged him tightly as if I never wanted to let him go.

He laughed. 'Did you miss me?' I nodded. 'I missed you too, honey'. He took me in his arms again. Colin appeared in my mind. Why was this so difficult? For years I had longed for his muscled arms, perfect face and beautiful blue eyes. Now it was finally within reach and I doubted. Why am I always a doubter?

Aiden caressed my face and kissed my lips. My knees didn't become weak like with Colin. Aiden was a good kisser, but Colin was breathtaking. Everything about him was breathtaking and that frightened me. He is like a kind of angel who can disappear from your life at any moment because it was all a dream. Aiden was just a beautiful person.

He walked with me to the living room and told me about the business trip he had had. He had been to Paris and told how much he wanted to go there with me. I was in love with Paris and I always said that we would ever go there together. That's what I said in every relationship by the way, but it never happened. He told passionately about what he had done and seen during his time in Paris. A sense of guilt crept more and more inside me and I couldn't find the moment to tell him.

'Are you alright?' he asked when he noticed that I wasn't paying attention.

I nodded. 'Yes. I just had a few busy days'

'With Colin?' I felt my cheeks flushing red. 'Why do you ask that?'

'You work a lot with him, don't you?' A weight fell off my shoulders. I was convinced he knew, but that poor man didn't know anything.

I nodded. 'Yes, almost all of our scenes are together'

'And you never dislike him?'

 _Now, Jen. Now is the right time._ 'No, we are getting along together, so it's always nice to work with him'.

'You're lucky with such a good friend'

I nodded. _Damn it, Jen!_

He caressed my face. 'Do you mind if I go to my mother? We can have dinner tonight if you like. Just the two of us'

I nodded again. I bought myself some time to think about how I was going to say it. He stood up, grabbed his things and left.

I picked up my phone and saw some messages from Colin.

 _'How did it go? Are you alright? Let me know!'_

Tears welled up in my eyes. I was so emotional today.

 _'I couldn't do it...'_ I sent back

It took longer this time before I got a message back. _'Take your time. I'll wait for you with coffee, drinks, whatever you need'_

I needed him. My best friend who always knew what to do with these situations, but who I couldn't ask for help now because it was about him. A tear rolled down my cheeks. I caused this mess myself, but I was going to lose someone today and that hurt me.

 _'Thanks for everything, Colin. You really have a golden heart'_

And I meant it. He's the purest and honest person I know and that's what makes him so beautiful. Of course, his outward appearance is nice to look at, but his inner self is what makes him a beautiful person.

Just before dinner, Aiden came home. He seemed very nervous, but I thought it was just the situation. We hadn't seen each other for a few weeks and that was always a bit awkward.

Just as I sat down at the table, he got up

'What are you going to do?' I asked confused.

He stood next to me and took my hand. What he did then was the last thing I expected... He went down on his knees. The naïve Jen thought he had a heart attack and collapsed. The clearly thinking Jen knew what he was doing.

'Jen, the last few weeks I realized that I want nothing more than to be with you. I missed you with all my heart and realized that I want you by my side for the rest of my life...' he paused

'Jennifer Morrison, will you marry me?'


	23. Chapter 23 - Her Happy Place

**Colin's pov**

As promised, I waited for her that night. I didn't like the idea that she was alone with Aiden all day, but it adorned her that she wanted to end things this way. If I were in her situation, I would have done the same. Especially if the person you have a relationship with has never done anything wrong to you.

I knew better than anyone that Jennifer has had difficult relationships. She doesn't know how to deal with feelings and that makes sure she always has her armor on. Once you know how she is and you can pierce through that armor, you have won her and she'll do everything for you. It's not in the cards for everyone. She doesn't trust a lot of people and doesn't let anyone come close. Fortunately, I'm an exception to that rule.

We have had a wonderful time in the past two weeks. We got to know each other better if that was even possible. We've spent each moment together and even our scenes went on better than before. When Aiden's return approached, she started to behave differently. She felt very guilty about what she had done to him. It wasn't what I wanted to hear, but I understood it.

I stared outside. I hadn't heard from her yet and I started to worry. After another half hour of waiting, I decided to call her. Just when I wanted to grab my phone, I heard a knock on the door. I rushed quickly to open it.

There she stood. Like a pile of misery in the rain. Tears ran down her cheeks. Even though the rain I could see that it were tears.

'Jen!' I called as I pulled her inside. 'What happened?'

I took her in my arms. Every part of her body shivered. Her face said it all, but at the same time, I knew nothing at all. She was in pain, but I didn't know if it was inside, like a heartbreak, or that he had touched her.

'Jen, please. Tell me what happened!'

She wrapped her arms around me and sobbed. 'I just want you to hold me' she said softly. I took her even more firmly in my arms. I felt that she didn't want to talk at the moment and I respect that. I thought it was terrible to see her like that.

I put her on the couch in the living room, while she didn't let go of me. 'I need to know one thing...' I began

She looked at me with eyes full of tears. She looked broken. 'What do you want to know?'

'Did he hurt you?'

She stared at the ground. 'No, not that way'

I stroked her cheeks. 'Tell me when it feels right. I'm here for you and you can stay here as long as you want '

She nodded gratefully. 'Colin?' I laughed inside. Laughing because of the fact that she said my name so often at the beginning. It started as something that didn't mean much good, but lately, it only felt good when she did it.

'Why are you doing all this for me? You can get all the women you want' she sobbed.

I took her hand and pulled her towards me until she was in my arms again. 'Because you're my best friend and I care about you and if you stay I promise you there is no safer place in the world'

'It feels so weird... Don't I go too fast?'

'Darling, I don't know what happened between you and Aiden tonight. What I do know is that he should have been there for you. He's going to be sorry he lost you, so stop worrying. Forget the past, forget the pain and remember what an incredible woman you are'

Normally I'm not the type of guy who shares his feelings, but it's different with Jen. She can do and is so much more than she shows the world. She seems like a cheerful lady without worries. She is cheerful for definite, but she has worries. She is a doubter, an overthinker and that devours her from the inside.

'I don't want to go too fast with you and I'm afraid things are changing between us' she said with tears in her eyes.

'Listen to me' I said while I used my finger to raise her chin. She resisted but gave in eventually. I finally met her gaze. 'You can tell me everything. There's nothing you can tell me that will change how I feel about you.'

She smiled. 'Nothing?'

I nodded. 'Nothing.'

'He has asked me to marry him'

My jaw dropped. As a reflex, I immediately looked at her hand. 'I rejected him, but...' she began to cry again. I pulled her against me and wrapped my arms around her.

'Why am I always the one who ends up with a broken heart?' She sobbed.

My heart broke. Not because she cared about him, but because it hurt her so much. I took her face in my hands. 'Do you remember what you said to me when my relationship was over and I went through hell for months?'

She shook her head. 'No, I don't know that anymore'

'You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks or even months over-analyzing a situation. Trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened or you can leave the pieces on the floor and move on. It's just a chapter in the past but doesn't close the book. Just turn the page.' I quoted her.

I caressed her cheek with my thumb. 'Just remember it's okay to be sad. It's okay to cry. Just don't let the sadness take over your life. You'll be smiling soon, I know it.'

She laughed through her tears and stroked my hair with her hand. 'I'm so happy with you in my life. It may sound strange, but because of you, the world makes sense to me in a way it didn't before. I have a happy place now... with you'


	24. Chapter 24 - Three Words, Eight Letters

**Jen's pov**

'Jennifer Morrison, will you marry me?'

My jaw dropped. I had been asked for marriage more often, but this time I was the most surprised. I was about to tell him what had happened between me and Colin and he asked me to marry him. HE ASKED ME TO MARRY HIM! I knew I had to answer him, but I wasn't able to produce any sound.

'I totally understand that I surprised you with this...' Aiden began

I nodded. 'Yeah, you can say that...'

'Sorry, I understand if it's too soon for you. We don't have to marry right away, we can wait for a year or maybe two. Even longer if you want to.'

I shook my head. 'I don t know, Aiden'

'What don't you know?' he asked as he slowly got up.

'Whether I want to continue all this with you...'

'But things are going well between the two of us. I don't understand'

Something broke inside me. 'Things are going well with you. Not with me! I can't have a relationship with someone who has to go away on a business trip every week'

He sniffed. 'Says the woman who works sixteen hours a day'

'You knew that when you agreed to have a relationship with me. Your business trips came later'

He gave a hard slap on the table. I have never been afraid of him before, but this time I was. I had never seen him this angry.

'You're such an egoistic woman!' he yelled as he slapped the table again.

I felt the tears welling up in my eyes as he went on with his tirade. 'Which man on this earth is good enough for you, Mrs. Morrison?'

A tear rolled down my cheek. 'You don't have to say things like that to me...'

He grinned. In my eyes, Aiden had always been the sweet, innocent man, but now I saw the other side of him and I didn't like it.

'The princess can't handle it?'

I had misjudged him. So damn misjudged. I played the role of a princess, but I was anything but a princess. I stood up and wanted to grab my stuff.

'What are you going to do?' he shouted angrily.

'I'm going away' I answered briefly. I didn't want him around me anymore.

'Where are you going to?'

'To Colin'

He rolled his eyes. 'What do you want from him?'

'To be honest, I want more with him than with you at this moment,' I sneered back. I ran up the stairs and noticed that he was coming after me. He grabbed my ankle, causing me to hit the stairs.

'S-sorry Jen, that should never have happened!' he stuttered. 'Are you alright?'

I shook my head. Tears rolled down my cheeks. Not because of the pain, but because of everything that had happened. 'If I come back tomorrow, you and your stuff will be gone. Understood?'

I rushed outside while the tears continued to roll down my cheeks. I didn't want to be alone with him for a minute longer.

Less than half an hour later, I was shivering and crying at Colin's door.

'Jen!' he yelled as he pulled me inside. 'What happened?' He took me in his arms. He felt warm and familiar. He felt solid and safe. I wanted to cling to his shirt, bury my face in the curve of his neck and never let him go.

We spent the rest of the evening together and talked. I told him that Aiden asked me to marry him, but I still couldn't believe what happened after that. I wanted to forget about it as soon as possible.

It felt good to stay with him. Not that I had another place to go to, but I loved to be with him. It felt so familiar to lay down in bed next to him. I stared at the ceiling of his bedroom. He's lying next to me and I'm half asleep wondering what I did to deserve this moment. What I did to deserve this man. While he's here next to me, breathing easily and fast asleep, all I can think about is what happened a few hours ago. Tears started to roll down my cheeks for the hundredth time that evening. The worst crying is when you're lying in bed, with your hand over your mouth so you don't make noise. The tears are running onto your pillow and your heart's breaking and you're thinking of everything that made you cry. Your other hand is on your heart because it hurt.

I felt his lips on my cheek causing my body to shiver. I felt his hand caressing my face. 'Don't cry for someone who killed your smile' he whispered.

'I don't want to cry' I sobbed.

He took me in his arms. His strong, warm arms which I desired the most right now. I buried my face in the curve of his neck as he stroked my hair.

'Jen... There's one thing you may never forget' he started

'I will hold you up when you can't stand, I will wipe away your tears when you cry and I will fight for you when you give up. Whatever happens between us just don't forget that I'm always there for you.'

Now I knew for sure. Throughout life, you will meet one person who is unlike any other. You could talk to this person for hours and never get bored, you could tell them things and they won't judge you. This person is your soulmate, your best friend. Don't ever let that person go. And Colin... He walked into my heart like he always belonged there, took down my walls and lit my soul on fire. Colin is my soulmate and I would never let him go.

'I love you' I whispered.

* * *

 **A/N: Jen's pov about the break-up evening! Poor girl, but hey... she can be cute with Colin again! 3**


	25. Chapter 25 - The Hidden

**Colin's pov**

My eyes widened. She said she loves me. She loves me... I knew she did and she often showed me that, but she never said it aloud. She said it once before when she was drunk and I brought her home, but with a thick tongue, it sounds less sincere.

I pressed a kiss on her forehead. 'I love you too'. The words I had never said to a woman before. Unless you can count my mother, but I said the words rarely. You can say that I had the same problem as Emma. I was afraid it would become too real if I said to someone that I love her.

In my previous relationship, I tried to say it. I was with her for almost 3 years and it started to become an issue that I couldn't express my feelings. At the end that was also the reason why she left me. Now I said it to Jennifer within a few weeks. Of course, I have known her for a long time, but I didn't have the fear to express my feelings to her. It felt good.

Jennifer made me feel things that I didn't know existed. When I look at her, and she's looking back at me, I can see something. This tiny hint of something more, something you're feeling but can't say aloud. When our eyes meet, it's like we're instantly connected to each other. I know no one catches it but me and you, but that's the thing I love most. Her eyes are the most gorgeous I've ever seen. There are moments I want nothing more than to look her in the eyes because it's when we're looking at each other in silence that we end up saying the most. Right now was a moment like that and I loved it.

Eventually, we fell asleep together.

We woke up early the next morning. We had a day off and I was very grateful for that right now. Jennifer was still broken. She told me about the appointment she had made with Aiden. She would come back today and he would be gone by that time with his stuff. I could tell that she didn't like to go back.

'Shall I go with you?' I suggested.

She nodded gratefully. 'Do you want to do that for me? I'm afraid he might still be there when I go back. I don't want to be alone with him anymore. "

I stroked her hair behind her ear. 'Then I'll go with you, don't worry'

An hour later we finished breakfast and we got in the car. I can tell she was nervous or scared or maybe both. I still didn't know everything about yesterday evening, but Jennifer isn't afraid of anyone. My blood started to boil by the thought of him.

When I parked the car in front of her house, I grabbed her hand. 'It will be fine, I'm with you'

'Thank you. His car isn't there anymore, so I think he's gone'

'Let's hope so' I said as I opened the car door. I had a weird feeling in my stomach and I hoped it had nothing to do with him.

We entered the house. I had expected him to be there, but there was no trace of him. She sighed with relief as she saw the front door key on the table. 'He's gone' she said with a smile.

'You can stay with me for a few days if you want to?'

She nodded. 'I would really like that.' She pressed a kiss on my lips. 'I'll take a few things from upstairs and then we can go. I look forward to spending a whole day with you!' she smiled.

She ran upstairs while I sat down on the couch. I was just reading some messages on social media when I heard a loud scream. The scream came from upstairs and I knew exactly who it was...


	26. Chapter 26 - Love Is A Murder

**Jen's pov**

 _Six weeks later_

Sometimes you wish you could go back in time, to when it was easy to smile and your heart didn't feel like it may break. If only I could turn back time now.

Even after everything I've been through with Aiden, I'm in love with him. I still love him. I miss making him smile and feeling him close to me. I miss being able to just love him, without guilt. But the thing is, no matter how much I love someone, I have to love myself more. I have to get over him and let him go no matter how hard it is. I want to fall in love again, with someone who feels the same way. I know I will because I'm already falling. But besides Colin, I have to fall for something else. It won't be some person or thing, it will be with my own life. I have to love it unconditionally and without fear. I have to create my own path to happiness and I will love it even though it's without Aiden.

The images of that day are still flashing through my mind. I was at my house with Colin and I was about to grab my things and go with him for a few days. Until I came upstairs in the bathroom and was scared to death. There was a body in the bathtub. The lifeless body of Aiden.

Then everything went very quickly. The only thing I can remember is that I screamed my lungs out of my body and Colin was with me within a few seconds. It's over a month ago and I still felt guilty and especially angry. Aiden was an optimist and enjoyed every moment in life. He would never do such a thing, but unfortunately, the truth turned out to be different.

And I know that no amount of guilt can solve the past and no amount of anxiety can change the future. Yet it felt like I could have prevented it. If I had stayed to talk about it, he might have lived now. But I didn't. I have run away from my problems for the umpteenth time and this time I couldn't change anything.

I have gone through hell the last few weeks. Aiden's mother was devastated and blamed me for everything. I should have engaged with him because then he still would have been here.

I used to think I couldn't go through the day without Aiden's smile. Without telling him things and hearing his voice back. Six weeks ago, that day arrived and it was hard. I knew I wasn't going to be okay for a very long time. Losing someone isn't an occasion, an event or a party. It doesn't happen once. It happens over and over again. I lose him again every time I pick up his favorite mug, discover an old shirt of him or when our song is playing on the radio. You can lose someone over and over again.

At these moments I was extra grateful for Colin in my life. He dragged me through it and distracted me from all the misery. It has made us stronger and our bond is indestructible. I would stay with him for a few days. Those few days have become a month by the way. I simply couldn't be in my own house anymore after all that happened there. I have tried it, but that resulted in panic attacks and a lot of crying.

Meanwhile, my house is for sale and I went to live with Colin unofficially. He never officially asked me to move in, but I know I can stay as long as I want to. I'm not sure if I want a place for myself. For now, it feels good to be with him.

Christmas came closer and I didn't look forward to it. Normally it's my favorite moment of the year, but this year I hoped it would be over soon. Colin would go to Ireland and I should miss him for a few weeks. Only thinking about that was already horrible. He had suggested not to go and to stay with me, but I knew how much he missed his family. I couldn't take it from him, however how much I wanted to keep him with me.

I felt his warm hands on my shoulders. He massaged them gently as I enjoyed his touch. We hadn't been intimate for a while, but he was so patient with me. I liked to cuddle and kiss him, but I couldn't go any further than that.

'You're doing great' he said not louder than a whisper

I smiled. 'I still feel guilty'

He caressed my cheek. 'Let go of the guilt and the worry, love'

I nodded. I knew he was right but it was easier said than done.

'I never expected that love could be a murder'

He raised his eyebrow. 'What do you mean?'

'Aiden killed himself because of love, so...' I began but he cut me off

'Jen, stop thinking that way. You're making yourself crazy'

I buried my face in the curve of his neck. I was still a mental wreck. He stroked the back of my head.

'Let's do something fun today. It'll be good for you'

I thought it would be nice to do something fun with him, but on the other hand, I didn't feel like it. My curiosity won. 'What do you have in mind, O'Donoghue?'

'Christmas shopping!'

'Christmas shopping?' I repeated. I didn't understand what he was talking about.

He nodded. 'You're going to Ireland with me'

My jaw dropped. 'Really?!' It was the first time in weeks that I was enthusiastic about something. 'Are you serious?' I still couldn't believe it.

He grabbed my hand. 'I'm serious. I can't leave you like this and you won't let me stay with you so taking you with me is the best option!'

I hugged him tightly. He knew exactly what I needed: being with him.

* * *

 **A/N: I know that suicide is a serious issue, but unfortunately, it's something that happens more and more often. I absolutely don't want to hurt anyone's feelings with this chapter and I don't want to make fun of it. I just want to create awareness. Be aware of what you say to people. Sometimes a certain action or certain words can be the straw that breaks the camels back. Just be kind to each other 3**


	27. Chapter 27 - Butterflies & Naked Cuddles

**Colin's pov**

I couldn't leave her alone this Christmas. Her family already made their plans and after all that happened, she just can't be alone. I think that no one should be alone at Christmas, but unfortunately, it happens too often. My parents responded very enthusiastically when I said that Jennifer would come along. My parents are in any case the most hospitable people you can imagine, but with the holidays they like it even more. I haven't told them about what is going on between me and Jennifer. We haven't made it official yet, but I think that's too early for her.

There were still two weeks of scenes on the program. After shooting we would leave for Ireland to stay there for two weeks. I had the luxury of having my own place there. When I'm in Vancouver I rent it out and as soon as I go to Ireland I have my own familiar place. Drogheda was my home and every time I missed it again. I was already looking forward to being there again.

Jennifer had agreed to do Christmas shopping. I always love to pamper my family at this time of the year. We wandered through the city together. Fortunately, she seemed a lot happier than she was this morning. I knew she loved Christmas. Of course, there was a blemish this year due to the death of Aiden, but I wanted to see her laugh again. Something she rarely did lately.

I looked at her and smiled. Every time I looked at her I felt a tickle in my body. The kind of tickle you have when you're in love, but it felt different. Much more intense. When I looked at her, I saw a future ahead of me.

It isn't very masculine to admit, but I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life. I just didn't know if she felt the same way. We walked past a jeweler. She took me to the shop window and enthusiastically showed me a necklace she liked so much. I was shocked when I saw the price.

'I'm not worth it' she sighed.

I wrapped my arm around her. 'Treat yourself, Jennifer' I said referring to an interview with Josh.

'You're crazy!' she said laughing.

I shrugged my shoulders. 'They say so, but I think it's not that bad'

She laughed as she pushed me away. Jennifer never actually bought anything for herself, except for books... She bought a lot of them.

We continued our way in the city. We stumbled into almost every store, but at the end of the afternoon, we had bags full of presents. She was going to have dinner with Rose that evening, so, unfortunately, we had to say goodbye at 5 pm.

She pressed a kiss on my cheek. 'I'll see you tonight' she whispered.

I smiled. 'See you tonight'

She giggled for a moment as she walked away. Everything about us screamed that we have a relationship or at least that we're screwing each other. I can tell you it isn't both of them. It has been more than 6 weeks since we had sex for the last time, but she asked me to be patient.

I walked back towards the car and passed the jeweler where she became so enthusiastic. I stared at the jewelry in the shop window and at the necklace she wanted so badly. I already pictured him around her neck. I decided that she did deserve it and went into the store.

In the store, I looked a bit further and saw the engagement rings. Given our ages, it isn't strange to think about that, but her last proposal wasn't exactly a success. I did want to ask her to marry me, but this would be too soon. I sighed and walked over to the checkout where I asked for the necklace in the shop window.

'She must be very special' said the girl behind the counter.

I smiled. 'That's for sure'

She winked. 'She's lucky with a man like you'

I felt my cheeks flushing red. I wanted nothing more than to be her man, but I had no idea what she wanted right now. One moment she was very affectionate and the other moment she didn't seem to need me at all.

'Is it a Christmas gift?' she asked.

I nodded. Actually, I didn't want to wait until Christmas. My family would immediately notice that I feel more for her and that she isn't just a friend. My mother will notice that soon anyway. In addition, I'm also very impatient. If I buy a gift for someone I prefer to give it immediately.

I settled and left the store. Before I went to the car, I stopped at a few stores to get some extra presents for her. After that, I drove home.

Once at home I decided to have food delivered. Since I'm closer to Jennifer, I haven't had any takeaway food. Previously I ate that almost daily, so I'm making progress.

The rest of the evening I spent on the couch with Netflix. The last few weeks we only watched together, so I had little fun with it. Halfway through the movie was an intense sex scene and it turned me on. Normally I have no problems with that, but it was already some time ago since I had sex. I picked up my phone and decided to send her a message.

 _'I really want to kiss you right now'_ I smiled as I sent the message.

Less than a minute later I already received her message.

 _'Thank you for reminding me what butterflies feel like. I need to kiss you'_

She only made me want her more

 _'I promise to always be by your side. Or under you... Or on top ;)'_

 _'Don't dare me, O'Donoghue. Do you want to cuddle naked when I'm home, yes or yes?'_

I laughed as I sent _'YES!'_ in capital letters to her. I couldn't wait until she was home.


	28. Chapter 28 - Third Leg Day

**Jen's pov**

I couldn't wait until I could return to Colin. For a long time I didn't want to be intimate with him, but now I could no longer wait. Rose kept chatting endlessly about her Down Under family. I loved her so much, but I hoped the time would go by soon tonight.

After a few long hours, she finally told me that she had to leave. I called Colin to pick me up. Half an hour later we were in his car together. There was a huge tension between us and it was even a bit uncomfortable. Something that was normally never the case between us.

He rested his hand on my thigh. I felt the warmth of his hand on my skin. He continued to slide his hand under my skirt.

'Colin, you're driving...' I moaned.

He immediately withdrew his hand, which made me regret that I had opened my mouth. My thigh felt cold without his hand. It was quiet for a few minutes. He took my hand and stroked the top of it with his thumb. Then he did something totally unexpected. He put my hand on his crotch.

He moaned as I tightened my grip. I felt him getting hard in his pants. He rested his hand on my thigh again.

'Maybe we should wait until we're back home' I whispered between our moans

Home... it wasn't even my home officially, but that's how it felt for me. Colin was my home, my safe place.

'I can't wait' he moaned.

I took my hand off his crotch and took the hand that was on my thigh. 'You're driving and I want you to pay attention. I want to have you by my side for a while'

The fact was that I refused to lose someone else. Especially when it comes to him.

Once home, it didn't take long for our clothes to fly around the room. I longed for him and for the first time in weeks it felt good again.

The following days were all about working. The day we were leaving for Ireland was approaching and I became more and more enthusiastic. He told me stories about Ireland and I wanted to see it with my own eyes more and more.

We would spend the week before Christmas at his house. His place in Vancouver was pretty simple, but if I could believe the stories of Sean, Colin has a beautiful house in Drogheda.

From Christmas Eve to December 26th we would spend the day with his family. His parents are the most incredible people I've ever met and I can't wish for better in-laws. In-laws... I already considered them that way, while at the moment Colin and I are no more than friends who have sex with each other. Intuitively I knew things were good between us, but we never made it official. Something I would like to do despite everything.

I couldn't think about seeing him with another woman. My heart couldn't handle it. Yet I was too coward to ask him myself. I was afraid that it would change things between us and I didn't want that to happen. Number one on my list with good intentions for next year: don't doubt and wait. Something I did quite often lately.

'Jen, do you know where my suitcase is?' he said as he walked into the bedroom

I laughed. Sometimes we seemed like a married couple. I turned on my heel and looked at him. 'Honey, I've been with you for just a few weeks and I've never seen your suitcase here.'

He shrugged his shoulders. 'Women can always find everything'

'No, I know how you're searching for things. You look fast, but you don't move anything.'

He stepped closer to me and rested his forehead against mine. His familiar, leathery scent came towards me and I felt my knees getting weak. He noticed it and laughed. 'Can't you handle it?'

I shook my head as I grabbed the lapels of his jacket. 'My knees can't handle it'

'Are you in love?' he asked sharply

'No, yesterday was leg day'

I could tell that he was shocked at first. 'Do you mean in bed with me?' he asked laughing

I pushed him on his bed and sat down on top of him. 'That was your third leg day'

'That sounds fun. Can you tell me how to do that?' he asked cheekily.

I moved up and down on his crotch. 'Something like that' I whispered in his ear.

'What else?' he groaned as he moved his hands to my ass.

I pressed kisses on his neck and slowly went to his mouth. I took his face in my hands and kissed him passionately. 'And this' I whispered between kisses.

'I think I want another third leg day' he groaned as he tried to kiss me again.

'We have to pack our bags...' I said while he pressed kisses on my cheek.

'That can be done later. You must be done now'

'I hate how you seem to know that I can't resist you in anything' I said trying to act like I was disappointed

He laughed as he caressed my cheek. 'And I love you for it'

'Shut up and kiss the hell out of me, before I change my mind'

* * *

 **A/N: Next stop: Ireland! :)**


	29. Chapter 29 - Truth Or Dare

**Colin's pov**

Of course, we did everything except packing our bags. A few hours before departure, we threw everything into our suitcases. The forgotten stuff we could always buy in Ireland.

Jennifer was ready in the hallway with her suitcase. I laughed as I walked downstairs and saw her standing at the door. 'Someone wants to leave' I said as I pressed a kiss on her forehead.

She nodded. 'I just want to get away from here and Ireland seems great to me'

I stroked her hair. 'We're going to make it an unforgettable time'

She smiled as she buried her face in the curve of my neck. I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her closer to me.

'Shall we go?' I asked

She nodded as she stared at me. 'I don't want anything more than that'

I pressed another kiss to her forehead and brought the suitcases to the car. My suitcase was even bigger than Jennifer's. I was used to traveling back and forth to Ireland, but you could clearly see that she was much better in limited packing.

Once at the airport we were not recognized by passengers. We checked in and paid a visit to our shared love: Starbucks

The flight would last a little more than 12 hours in total. I liked traveling, but I thought it was terrible if you had to be for more than 6 hours on a plane. Fortunately, it was for a good cause. I couldn't wait to see my family again and to show Jennifer more of Ireland. Ideally, I would move back after Once Upon A Time, but deep down I knew that wasn't a smart step for my career. Ireland is a wonderful country to live in, but for the real big acting, you have to be in the United States.

The flight went better than expected. We had a row for ourselves and a place with lots of legroom. Normally I made this trip alone, but it was much more fun to be able to watch a movie and listen to music together with someone.

I looked aside and saw that Jennifer had fallen asleep. I tried to stay awake. I knew how terrible those jetlags can be when you travel to Europe or from Europe to the United States. Maybe I should have told her, but on the other hand, she needed her sleep too. After all, we didn't have much sleep the last few nights, if you know what I mean.

The last couple of hours I read from the book what Jennifer had bought for me. I was never so fond of reading, but I must admit that her enthusiasm has kindled me. I never went beyond the books of Harry Potter, but I now know that there are more good writers than just J.K. Rowling.

I felt her head on my shoulder. 'Can't you sleep?' she asked sleepily.

I intertwined my fingers with hers. 'Yes, but I will regret it when we have landed'. I looked at the screen in front of me and saw that it would only take more than 2 hours. I no longer felt my legs because of the long sitting in the same position. Jennifer clearly had no problems with that. She had raised her legs and claimed the empty seat in our row with her legs.

Her head was still on my shoulder, while she had fallen asleep again. I stroked her face with my fingers and rested my head against hers. Eventually, I also fell asleep.

Late in the afternoon, we landed at Dublin airport. While I waited for our suitcases, Jennifer arranged a taxi to Drogheda. It was only a half hour drive, but it seemed to take a long time.

Jennifer's mouth fell open as we drove up the driveway of my house. 'Gee, Colin ... why did you never say how beautiful it is?'

I scratched my ear. I never had a bad time when it comes to money, but I was always a bit embarrassed about the size of my house. I knew very well that it wasn't normal for most people.

I opened the front door and it immediately felt like home again. Unfortunately, Buckley wasn't with us, because a trip like this is a lot of stress for a dog. He stayed with friends in Vancouver for the upcoming weeks. He was there for me during the lonely days and he will always be very special to me.

'I understand that you didn't like to move from this place!' she yelled enthusiastically

I smiled uncomfortably. 'That didn't have much to do with the house. I just miss the people and the environment.'

She winked. 'I only tease you a bit'

After a short tour through the house, we drank something together at the kitchen table. We both didn't feel like cooking, so we ordered a pizza. After a lot of wine and lots of chatter, Jennifer suggested playing truth or dare.

'Truth or Dare?' she asked

'Ehh... truth' I started safely. The fatigue in combination with alcohol in my body didn't seem to me like the ideal basis for a dare.

'How many bed partners did you have?'

I almost choked in a sip of wine. 'You start with the easy questions, aren't you?' I said sarcastically. Not that I was ashamed. For a man of almost the end of 30, I was pretty neat.

'Ten' I guessed.

She nodded. 'You are such a good boy'

I rolled my eyes. 'Your turn. Truth or Dare?'

'Dare' she answered almost immediately.

I knew Jennifer for years and this was certainly not the first time we played this game. Meanwhile, I knew that she always started with a dare.

'Pull out a garment of your choice'

She smiled. 'Is that all you've got Mr. Irish?' She stood up and uncluttered her bra. Then she pulled it out and threw it in my direction. I felt my cheeks flushing red.

'Truth or dare?' she asked as she sat down again.

'Dare'

'Pull out a garment of your choice' she repeated mine.

I smiled cheekily and pulled her towards me. I slid my hands under her shirt as I slowly pulled it out.

'Not a garment from me!'

'You never said it should be mine'

She laughed as she wrapped her arms around my neck and pressed her lips to mine.


	30. Chapter 30 - Christmas Preparations

**Jen's pov**

The next morning I woke up in Colin's bed. I don't even know how we got there, but what I do know is that we had a great time. Colin lay beside me in his boxer shorts with his hair all messy. Even that was sexy on him.

The only thing I remember is that we played truth or dare and that we were soon cuddling naked. I loved cuddling but cuddling with him was wonderful. His muscled arms are firmly around me, his stubble rubbing against my face and his wonderful smell in my nose. A wonderful start to our holiday in Ireland.

A sleeping Colin is the most adorable thing I have ever seen in my life. His face completely relaxed, messy hair and his mouth slightly open. I stroked his hairline, smoothing his hair from his face and kissed his forehead. His eyes opened slowly.

'Goodmorning beautiful' he said softly. His hangover was probably just as big as mine. Traveling, fatigue and alcohol aren't exactly the best friends.

'Goodmorning' I replied. I felt butterflies flutter through my stomach.

He pulled me close to him. 'Did you sleep well?' he asked.

I nodded. I always slept well when he was lying next to me. His warmth beside me made me feel safe.

We stared at the ceiling for a while. My head was on his chest and I felt him slowly breathe out. His heartbeat sounded like a melody.

'What do you want to do today?' he asked to break the silence.

I turned around so I lay on my stomach and could look at him. 'Shall we buy and decorate a Christmas tree?' I enthusiastically suggested. I loved Christmas trees and fairy lights, but he didn't have anything in his house.

He laughed. 'Her first day in Ireland and Mrs. Morrison wants to decorate a Christmas tree'

I shrugged my shoulders. 'I can also decorate you with balls and lights'

'As you know, I already have balls' he said laughing

I let my hand slide over his boxer shorts. 'Is that so?'

'Maybe you should check it out' he moaned

'Perhaps'. I let my hand slide into his boxer shorts and felt. 'Yes, you're right!' I said as I pulled my hand out of it.

'Hey! That's so mean!' he said disappointedly.

'You know me!' I pressed a kiss to his mouth and left the bed.

Two hours later we were hunting for a Christmas tree. Of course, we were very late and everyone had one for a long time. We only had the choice between little ones or immense ones. I suggested to choose a small one, but Colin bought the big one.

'You're crazy!'

'About you' he said as he wrapped his arm around me. 'If you are happy with a Christmas tree, we will not buy a small one. You deserve the biggest one out there'

He looked at the Christmas tree and raised his eyebrow. 'It isn't this one, but the biggest one I could find'

I smiled as I wrapped my arms around his neck. 'You're the sweetest!' And I meant it. He was the sweetest man I knew.

Once back in his house, he took out a big box of Christmas decorations. 'I thought you never had a Christmas tree here?'

He nodded. 'Normally I don't, but when I was still together with...' he paused for a moment.

'You know who... I always had a Christmas tree'

'Do you miss her?' I asked sharply. I knew it was his first Christmas without her and I also knew how painful that could be.

He shook his head. 'No, it's better this way and why should I miss her if you're with me?'

I took his hand. 'She didn't deserve you. Just like me'

'Why do you say that?'

'You deserve the best'

He grabbed my face and stared into my eyes for a long time. 'You are the best, Jen'

My mouth was sucked towards his. Never before had anyone said anything so sweetly to me. I felt his soft lips on mine and only wanted him more. Our tongues fought for dominance. Sometimes I forgot how wonderful it was to kiss him. I forgot everything around me and my knees became incredibly weak.

'Hm... I can do this for hours, but the Christmas tree doesn't decorate itself'

I groaned disappointedly. 'We can do that later?' I suggested

He laughed and rested his forehead against mine. 'The last time you said that we packed our bags one hour before departure'

I leaned in to kiss him, but he gently pushed me away. 'Be patient, love. You have to do it with me for another two weeks'

'That's not a punishment. I want to do it with you for more than two weeks'

He laughed. 'I meant with my presence.' He gently pushed me toward the Christmas tree. 'Come on, we have a tree to decorate!'

I never expected that we could have so much fun decorating a Christmas tree. Colin ended with two Christmas balls on his trousers at the height of his crotch and I had two Christmas balls as earrings. He scratched his chin and looked thoughtfully at the Christmas tree.

'We have forgotten the topper!' he said dramatically

'We'll never be able to do that. You can't reach it from here' I laughed. Normal people start with the topper, but these suckers forget about that.

He smirked. 'You think?'

I nodded. I didn't understand where he wanted to go with this discussion.

'You can reach it now' he said as he went through his knees and put his head between my legs.

I giggled. 'What are you doing?!'

He got up and I let out a shriek. I was now on his shoulders. 'Colin! Put me down!'

He put his arms around my legs. 'Don't shriek like that, Jen! Put that topper in the tree, will you?'

I curled my fingers through his hair. 'As you wish'

I placed the topper on the tree after which he put me back on the ground. 'Satisfied, Mr. Irish?' I asked dramatically

He nodded and guided me to the couch where I had to sit down. 'There's only one thing missing...' he said as he walked away

'What then?' I called after him

He didn't answer. A few minutes later he came into the living room with a present. He handed it over.

'Colin ... we wouldn't buy anything for each other' I protested

He grabbed my hand with one hand and placed the other on my cheek. 'Listen Jen, I want to spoil you and after all, you earn this'

I had to restrain myself not to cry. I opened the gift. There was a nice box in it that I carefully opened. My jaw dropped. In the box was the necklace that I showed him during Christmas shopping.

'Colin...' I started again. This time I couldn't control my tears. They rolled down my cheeks.

'Don't you like it?' he asked as he wiped a tear from my cheek.

'It's beautiful, but I really can't accept this'. It was a very sweet gesture, but I knew the price and that was too bizarre for a Christmas present.

He took the necklace out of the box and put it around my neck. 'As if he was made for you'

With my hand, I stroked the jewel. 'You're crazy. Really crazy!' I hugged him, making him fall back on the couch with me on top of him.

He stroked my face. 'Jen, we have been through a lot together. Beautiful things, but also very sad ones' he began

My heartbeat rose. When men started a sentence with my name and then started to talk so profoundly, it often meant only one thing. A proposal.

'We've been growing on each other lately and the last weeks were the best weeks of my life'

No, no, no... he's really going to do it. I'm on top of him on the couch and he's going to do a proposal. Not even on his knees! I'm not ready for this.

'Jennifer, do you want...'

To build a snowman... My mind was exploding right now. 'No... no ..' I interrupted him as I pushed away from him.

He looked surprised and disappointed. 'You didn't even let me finish'

'I know what you want to ask and I'm not ready for that yet. It was 2 months ago. I can't get engaged with someone. Not so fast!' I rattled

He raised his eyebrow. 'Get engaged? Who's talking about engaging?'

I didn't understand anything anymore. 'What did you want to ask?'

He sat up and grabbed my face. 'I've considered it because I want you in my life forever, but I know it's too soon.'

I smiled. I knew that I would ever marry him. 'What did you want to ask?' I repeated.

He caressed my cheek with his thumb. 'Do you want a relationship with me?'

I could only nod. Tears rolled down my cheeks. He had finally asked me and I wanted nothing more than to be his girlfriend.


	31. Chapter 31 - Christmas Eve

**Colin's pov**

The high word was out. After six years of friendship, kissing on the set, helping each other through all the love drama and endless conversations we are now a couple. And weirdly enough it doesn't change anything between us. We are still crazy and are still laughing a lot and I'm happy about that. Your partner must also be your best friend and we are without any doubt.

She lay with her naked body against mine. I stroked her lower back with my fingers while her head rested on my chest. Since we were in Ireland, we were woken up every morning like this and it was the best thing ever. I have had a long relationship before Jennifer and I have never felt as good as I am now. I can be myself with Jennifer. The real me.

'What are you thinking about?' she whispered softly

I stroked her hair with my hand. 'I'm thinking about us'

She curled her fingers through my chest hair. Another thing that my ex-girlfriend hated and Jennifer had no problems with.

'I don't want this to stop'

I pressed a kiss on her head. 'Me neither'

She started to giggle. 'I really thought you were going to ask me to marry you'

'If I ask you to marry, it won't be on the couch while you're on top of me'

'I like being on top of you' she said as she crawled on top of me and pressed her body against mine.

I put my arms around her body to hold her close to me. My face was buried underneath her blond locks.

We laid like that for a few hours until her stomach began to rumble.

'Let me make some breakfast for you' I said, pushing away the duvet.

She stopped me. 'Colin?'

'What's wrong?'

'I ... eh ... I like to be here with you'

I smiled disappointed. Some time ago she said she loved me, but that was only by accident. Jennifer still had trouble expressing her feelings. I knew that this wasn't what she wanted to say.

'Me too' I said as I got out of bed.

'Colin...'

I turned around and faced her.

'I'm sorry'

I shook my head. 'Don't be. I understand.

I didn't want to make her feel bad, but actually, I didn't understand. Of course, she was hurt often, but I had the same problem. I went to the kitchen and started to prepare breakfast. After about ten minutes she came down in my favorite shirt. It just came over her buttocks.

My jaw dropped slightly when she came closer. She stopped to pick up something that caused the shirt to slide up a little. I had a beautiful view of her ass and realized she wasn't wearing panties.

'Jen...' I groaned

She walked over to me with a daring look on her face. 'Maybe you should turn off the heat' she said as she turned off the heat of the stove.

'Maybe you should turn off the heat because I can't handle this' I answered as I pulled her toward me.

She giggled and slid her hands under my shirt. 'Maybe you should take this off then'

'Maybe you should do that.' She didn't wait for a second longer. We satisfy our hunger for each other and the promised breakfast became an early lunch.

Later that afternoon it was time to go to my parental home. Jennifer looked beautiful in a black dress with lace and high heels. I didn't see her like that often, but it surprised me every time how good it looks on her.

I wore black trousers myself, with a white shirt and a Christmas bow tie. Jennifer came to me and wrapped her arms around my neck. 'Ready to go?' she said as she fixed my bow tie.

'I'll be ready if you are'. I stroked my hand through her hair.

An hour later we drove up the driveway at my parents' house. It was Christmas Eve and our family always had dinner together and played some games.

'Colin!' my mother yelled with tears in her eyes as I stepped inside.

I walked to her laughingly and hugged her tightly. 'I've missed you'

She hugged me even more firmly. 'I missed you too, son! I'm so glad you're here...' she glanced at Jennifer. 'That you guys are here!'

'Uncle Colin is here! Uncle Colin!' I heard two enthusiastic girls calling. My nieces Amy and April, the daughters of my brother, came to me and embraced me. 'I've seen the last episode!' Amy rattled enthusiastically.

'Yes? Where are you in the season now?' I occasionally watched an episode once in a while, but I had no idea at which point they were now.

'Emma just told Hook that she is pregnant!' April added. She looked at Jennifer. 'Emma is here too!' she screamed as she ran to Jennifer.

'Ladies, her name is Jennifer' I tried

Amy looked annoyed at me. 'I know that!'

I laughed as I walked into the living room where my brother was sitting with his wife. 'Allen!'

He looked up enthusiastically. 'Colin! You're early!'

I hugged him. 'Yes, I thought let's try something different than coming too late!'

I hugged his wife and my father when Jennifer entered the room. 'Hey!' she said a little uncomfortable.

Allen looked at me and winked. 'To what do we owe the pleasure?'

I felt my cheeks turn red. 'This is Jennifer' I murmured.

Allen gave me a slap on my shoulder. 'We know that!' He walked towards Jennifer and hugged her as if they had been seeing each other for years. 'Nice that you're here, Jennifer!'

Jennifer smiled, still a little uncomfortable. I sat down on a chair next to Allen and Jennifer took a seat next to me. We all talked about how everyone is doing.

Around six o'clock my mother started to cook dinner. I went to the kitchen to help her.

'When are you going to tell?'

I raised my eyebrow. 'Going to tell what?'

'Why you took Jennifer with you after all those years'

'I already told you that? Otherwise, she would be alone'

She laughed. 'Colin, I made you myself. I know better. Now the real reason please'

She knew me too well. I had already expected that she would notice it quickly, but this was very quick. I sighed. 'It's complicated'

'We will definitely be in the kitchen for half an hour, so tell me darling'

I smiled as I stirred through the pan. 'We have always been good friends and lately, we were closer than usual'

My mother had a dirty look on her face and laughed.

I rolled my eyes. 'And we now have a relationship'

Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped. 'Honey, I'm so happy for you!'

Allen just entered the kitchen. 'Happy for him? What have I missed?'

'He has a relationship with Jennifer!' my mother yelled enthusiastically

He smirked. 'Good taste brother!' he said as he hugged me.

'Is everything okay here?' Jennifer asked as she walked into the kitchen. She couldn't say more than that, because my mother jumped to her like an enthusiastic dog.

'I'm so happy for you guys!'

The rest of the evening there was a lot of talking and laughing. Everyone loved Jennifer and it felt like she had been with our family for years. Everything was right that evening. The food was great and the atmosphere was good. Until the first game came on the table...


	32. Chapter 32 - Under The Mistletoe

**Jen's pov**

Christmas with the O'Donoghue family was intense. His mother Mary can cook wonderfully and Colin seems to have that gift too. I still don't understand why he never cooks.

Then there's his father, Con. A very sweet man who is so incredibly proud of what Colin has achieved in his life and what he is doing now. He is very much like him and I am convinced that Colin is just like him when he's getting older.

His brother Allen is hilarious and makes the nastiest jokes you can think of. He has two daughters who are huge Oncers. Allen has been married for years and his wife is a real sweetheart. The entire O'Donoghue family seems to be so incredibly perfect.

Apparently, it's a tradition here that games are being played on Christmas Eve. I love to play games, but I'm so fanatical. 30 Seconds was the first game. I didn't know it yet, but Colin explained to me that you have a card with five words. You must describe these words without saying it. You must try to describe all five in just thirty seconds. His parents formed a team, Allen and his wife formed one and Colin and me.

Colin pulled out a card first and laughed hard. 'Okay, let's go! You put it in a Christmas tree'

'Fairylights?'

He shook his head. 'It shines generally'

'Christmas balls?'

He shook his head again.

'Then give me some more information, dork!' I screamed fanatically.

Allen laughed. 'Their first fight, ladies and gentlemen'

'At the top of the tree'

'The topper!' I shouted

'Yes! Next one! A well-known actor I worked with '

'Time is up!' Allen yelled.

'Seriously, dude? You work with so many actors! ' I hissed

He laughed. 'I always have to get into this game. I meant Anthony Hopkins'

His parents were very good at this game. Con explained everything perfectly and Mary understood immediately what he meant. If that wasn't couple goals, then I didn't know. Soon it was our turn again. This time I was the one who had to describe the words.

'It's a very famous movie. You often do it in the bedroom and a place you go for shopping. Both in one title'

He raised his eyebrow while the rest laughed hard. 'Sex and the City?'

'Yes! A bald actor from Fast and the Furious

'Vin Diesel!'

'The capital of Spain?'

'Madrid!'

'Damn, I don't know this one!' I screamed panickily

'Too bad, time is up!' Allen yelled.

I put the card away. Apparently, everybody was still having the greatest fun. 'So you only have sex in the bedroom?' Allen asked.

I felt my cheeks flushing red. Apparently, this family didn't have any shame at all.

'At least we have sex' Colin sneered back

'Boys... I thought I was the mother of two grown-ups?' Mary tried. Con could only laugh about it.

The biggest fun came when I screamed in the next round that Sydney was the capital of Australia. I was never so good at topography. How am I supposed to know that it was Canberra? The only Australian cities I know are Sydney and Melbourne.

Eventually, his parents won the game and Colin and I ended up last. While his parents prepared something to eat and drink, Allen sat down next to Colin.

'So... a lot of sex, right?' he laughed

Colin gave him a punch with his elbow. 'That's what you get when you're the most handsome brother'

He tried to catch my gaze and winked. I smiled at him and melted from the inside. Everything about this man was so beautiful.

'But you had kissed each other often before? How can you be sure that you don't confuse feelings?'

Colin smiled shyly. 'Sometimes you just know. The chemistry has always been there between us. Both on and off the screen. And I don't know if you have seen her, but how can you not fall in love with a woman like that?'

You could sweep me from the floor. Captain Floor was a ship, but JFlo also started to become one since I was with Colin. My heart was melted and I broke into pieces. He was no longer the sweetest man I knew, but the sweetest man on this earth. I took his hand and leaned over the table to kiss him.

'Okay, that's enough' Allen laughed.

Colin patted his shoulder and stood up to help his parents in the kitchen. Allen took over his chair and sat across me. I felt an overprotected brother talk coming up.

'Jen, I'm really glad you're making him so happy' he began. _Okay, that was not too bad_.

I smiled. 'He makes me happy too'

Allen took my hand and squeezed it. 'I'm really happy for you, but there's one thing I want to say to you...'

 _O God, there it comes_.

'Please be careful with him. Sometimes he is too good for people and so incredibly naïve. That is why he has been hurt far too often.'

'I don't intend to hurt him' I said a bit annoyed.

'No, I know that. It's just a sensitive guy and a really good one. What I meant to say is please keep an eye on him.'

'I think I can manage that'

Colin came back into the living room and raised his eyebrow as he saw Allen's hand on mine. That damned eyebrow! Another family treat.

'First, you stole my guitar and now my girlfriend?' I noticed that he was acting. The big advantage of working with him day in, day out. I knew him better than anyone else.

Allen laughed. 'I wouldn't dare, brother'

'Good, because she's not a Christmas gift'. He gestured to Allen that he had to move back to his own chair. His parents came into the living room with snacks and drinks. The second round of 30 Seconds was about to start.

I picked up a card with five new words. I laughed when I saw them.

'Ready?' I asked Colin. He nodded.

'It's made of latex. Very flexible and thin. Your brother isn't using them anymore' I said as I looked at Allen with a smile.

A grin appeared on Colin's face. 'A condom!'

We weren't able to finish the rest of the card, because everyone laughed.

Colin and I won this round. We played some other games until we were all too tired to continue. Allen, his wife, and Con went upstairs. Colin brought our stuff in his old room, while I cleaned up the stuff with Mary.

'I really love to celebrate Christmas with all of you' I told his mother.

Mary smiled. 'I also really like that you're here, Jen. Colin is very fond of you. He never just take someone with him, so this means something.'

'Why not? You guys are awesome'

'Then people come too close to him. He doesn't give many people that opportunity'

I put the wine glasses on the counter when I felt two firm arms around me from behind. He pressed a kiss on my cheek. 'Did you like it?'

I nodded. I enjoyed every moment with this man.

His mother entered the kitchen. 'I'll see you tomorrow. Good night sweethearts!'

'Sleep tight!' we said in unison.

He turned around and took me in his arms in a firm hug. I buried my face in the curve of his neck. He smelled so good.

'Do you want to go to bed?' he asked softly

I shook my head. I didn't want this hug to end. 'I don't want you to let me go'

'I'll hold you forever'

I giggled. 'Promise?'

'I promise, love'. He pressed a kiss on my hair.

I looked up to look into his beautiful blue eyes. Behind him, I saw a mistletoe on the ceiling in the living room. I giggled.

'Why are you laughing?'

'You're going to see it in a few minutes' I said as I gently pushed him backward.

'Jen... We're at my parents' place. I would love to but we can't do it on the couch right now'

I stopped pushing him back when we were right under the mistletoe. I looked up. He looked at me in amazement, but then did the same thing. He grinned when he saw the mistletoe.

'Now you have to kiss me' I commanded

He smiled. 'With pleasure'

He pressed his soft lips firmly on mine. I opened my mouth slightly and let our tongues fight for dominance. Yes, he was definitely the best kisser. After a few minutes, I gently pushed him away to catch my breath again. Our foreheads were still resting against each other.

'That was...' he began

'I love you'. I finally said it.

His eyes widened and a smile appeared on his face. 'I love you too'

He took me in his arms and kissed the hell out of me.


	33. Chapter 33 - A Buzzing Present

**Colin's pov**

The next morning I woke up without Jennifer next to me. It felt empty without her in bed. I stretched out and got out of bed. I walked past the rooms of my parents and Allen, who were still sleeping. When I entered the living room I saw Jennifer with April and Amy on the couch.

'You should have kissed him then!' April yelled.

Jennifer laughed. 'Actually, I should have done that, right?'

'Why didn't you do it?' Amy asked. She was the youngest of them and didn't always understand the difference between acting and real life.

'The story is written for us and we can't deviate from that' Jennifer explained.

She nodded as her eyes were drawn back to the screen.

Jennifer noticed me in the doorway. 'Good morning!' she said as I approached her and pressed a kiss on her cheek.

'Uncle Colin!' Amy yelled. 'Are you watching with us?'

I took place next to Jennifer. Amy sat on my lap and April next to Jennifer. I wrapped an arm around her and she put her head on my shoulder. The scene where Hook kissed with Emma came and Amy and April started giggling.

'You're kissing so long!' giggled April

My mother just entered the living room. She laughed when she noticed what we were watching. 'Are you never tired of it?'

'No!' Amy and April said in unison.

We let the girls watch the rest of it together, while we went to help my mother with preparing the breakfast. 'I thought Al would help you with the preparations?'

She shrugged her shoulders. 'You know what he's like, Colin. Not a morning person and he can finally sleep a bit longer now that the girls are here.'

I wrapped my arm around her. 'You know what, mom... You sit down on the couch with the girls. Jennifer and I will prepare breakfast.'

'Honey, you don't have to.'

'Just sit down and let me' I said stubbornly as I pushed her toward the couch.

Jennifer and I prepared breakfast, which we enjoyed with the whole family. I enjoyed this kind of small moments with them. I saw them far too little and I often felt guilty about that. My mother was sick for a long time and even then I couldn't be there for her. She doesn't blame me for a moment, but I still feel bad about it.

Jennifer put her hand on mine. 'Are you okay?'

I nodded, but I knew she noticed that it wasn't. I almost had to say goodbye again and it always bothered me. I loved Vancouver, the people there and I have by far the nicest colleagues you could wish for, but it wasn't my home.

After the late breakfast, everyone put their purchased presents under the Christmas tree. When I came in with my full bags my mother shook her head.

'You will never learn, will you?'

'He has enough money' Allen laughed.

I raised a middle finger at him, while I emptied my bag under the tree. Amy and April became increasingly impatient. They were always the ones who unpacked their presents during the day. The adults did this in the evening when the children were in bed because sometimes 'dirty' gifts could be in there. Something that is a recurring joke in the family.

Amy and April played all day with the toys they had received. We watched bad Christmas movies and enjoyed the delicious dinner that my father had made. After dinner, the children had to go to bed and it was time for our gifts.

My mother poured a glass of wine for everyone.

'Sláinte!' we said in unison. Jennifer looked confused. 'Santé is French, right?' she whispered

I laughed. 'Sláinte is Irish for cheers'

'I still have a lot to learn'

I wrapped my arm around her, pulled her towards me and pressed a kiss on her forehead. 'Cheers, Jen' I whispered.

'Sláinte, Colin'

We started with the normal, appropriate gifts. Jennifer received various skin care products and my clothing stock was replenished. After half an hour I wrapped out the first vibrator. I looked straight at Allen and laughed. 'Seriously, dude? What do I have to do with this?'

'I thought, now that you have a girlfriend you can use it on her' he said as he winked at Jennifer.

'Colin doesn't need a vibrator to give me an orgasm' she rebounded.

Allen's jaw dropped and a wide grin appeared on my face. 'You heard her, brother'

'I hear things about my children on these days that I really don't want to know...' my mother said still a bit shocked

Jennifer's next gift was sexy Santa lingerie. 'Thanks, Santa, my lover will be very happy with this' she said as she winked at me. I felt that she was planning something and to be honest, I couldn't wait to find out.

During a short break, they went outside with the dog, while Jennifer and I stayed inside. She sat on my lap with her face towards me. 'Santa, I've been a naughty girl'

I put my hands on her hips. 'How naughty have you been?'

'Very naughty' she said as she grabbed my hand and slipped it under her dress. She didn't wear panties. _She was at my parent's house on their couch and she didn't wear panties!_

'That's very naughty' I groaned

'Do you know what's naughty too?' she whispered

I shook my head.

'Well, there's no one here now, so...'

I interrupted her by pressing my lips to hers. The best kind of kiss is the unexpected, unplanned ones that come naturally like in the middle of a sentence. As soon as lovers lips touch, their souls touch each other at the same time. We just sat there for a moment, looking at each other, saying nothing. It was the kind of nothing that meant everything.

It felt like hours before we could finally go to bed. There was a lot of tension between us and I even felt a bit nervous. Once in my room, I pushed her against the wall and kissed her passionately. She curled her fingers through my hair and her touch send shivers all over my body.

I slowly opened up the zipper of her dress and made it fall down. My hand slid over her naked skin as she took off my shirt. I burned with desire as I pulled her close to me and kissed her again.

My hand moved to her breast as I deepened the kiss. I gently squeezed and massaged them. Our tongues were still fighting for dominance. She moved her hand to the edge of my pants and started to unbuckle it.

I broke the kiss for a second to stare into her beautiful eyes. They were full of lust and desire. I leaned forward and took one of her nipples in my mouth as I gently played with her other breast. She moaned softly.

She placed her hands on my head as I kissed down her body. Then I kissed my way up again after I pressed a soft kiss on her lower abdomen. She moaned again. When I reached her lips we kissed passionately again. I picked her up and laid her down on my bed. I laid myself on top of her naked body. I was rock hard and I wanted her. I needed her and I knew she felt the same way.

She slid my boxer down without breaking the kiss. My hard member jumped out of my boxer. She grinded against it as she moaned softly again. I couldn't wait any longer, but I had to tease her a little. I pulled out the vibrator that I had received that night. Her eyes widened. 'Colin, you don't do that'.

'I do' I said as I slowly pushed him inside her. She moaned with pleasure. When she had almost reached her peak, I took it out.

'You're so mean' she growled

I positioned myself before her entrance and slid slowly inside of her. I looked at her and kissed her softly while I slowly started to thrust. She closed her eyes and moaned softly in my ear. Her moans got louder as I thrust a little faster.

'Quiet, love' I whispered

'I'm trying' she moaned

With one final thrust inside of her, I released myself. I sighed satisfied and kissed her again. I rolled off her and pulled her close to me. She placed her head on my chest.

'I told you we don't need that buzzing present of yours'

I smiled. 'I know, but I had to try'

She curled her fingers through my chest hair. 'I prefer yours'

'I'm glad'

'Colin...'

I chuckled. 'What, love?'

'I wasn't planning on loving you, but I'm happy that I did'


	34. Chapter 34 - It's Not A Goodbye

**Colin's pov**

 _Find someone who makes you realize three things: one, that home is not a place but a feeling. Two, that time is not measured by a clock, but by moments. And three, that heartbeats are not heard but felt and shared._

Jennifer's head was on my chest while she was fast asleep and it was the best feeling in the world. I wish I could explain her eyes and how the sound of her voice gives me butterflies. How her smile makes my heart skip a beat and how every time I'm with her feels so complete.

She slowly opened her eyes and a smile appeared on her face. 'Good morning, handsome' she said, barely a whisper.

'Good morning, beautiful'

Her cheeks flushed red as her smile became even bigger. 'You make me so happy'

I pulled her closer to me. 'Happiness looks gorgeous on you'

We cuddled like that for a while. Today was the day we had to travel back home. Josh and Ginny were throwing a new years eve party and they didn't accept no for an answer.

We went downstairs for our last family breakfast this year. There was a sad tension and especially my mom didn't say much.

'Hey Jen, if your right leg is Thanksgiving and your left leg is Christmas, can I visit you between the holidays?' Allen broke the silence

Jen laughed. 'You wish... and Christmas is over so you have to wait another year for that'

He fakes a disappointed expression as his wife poked him with her elbow.

After breakfast, it was time to leave. I said goodbye to my father and my brother and his family. My mom walked us to the door.

'Do you really have to go?' she said as a tear rolled down her cheek.

I wiped it away and pressed a kiss on her forehead. 'I'll be back as soon as I can' I promised her.

She turned to Jennifer. 'Please keep an eye on him'

She nodded. 'Of course. I'll make sure he's fine'

After a long hug with my mom, I had to say goodbye for the next few months. I felt tears burning in my eyes as we stepped into the car.

Jennifer grabbed my hand. 'It's not a goodbye, it's a see you later'

I nodded. I knew she was right but I had to say goodbye to her at the airport too. She promised her parents to visit them between Christmas and new years eve. She wanted me to come with her, but the plane was already full.

'I don't want to fall asleep or wake up without you' she whispered.

I grabbed her face between my hands. 'Call me in the middle of the night and tell me that you can't sleep without me'

She chuckled. 'It's just a few days. We can handle it'

I stared out the window. I knew we could handle it, but it was going to be some though days without the reason I smile every single day.

We arrived at the airport 'Get home safe, okay?' I said as I pulled her in a hug. She nodded as she buried her face in the curve of my neck.

'I have to go' she said as she let go of me. She kissed me passionately and slowly walked away from me

'Jen...'

She turned on her heel and faced me. I walked over and pulled her in one last hug. 'I hope you know that every time I tell you to get home safe, stay warm, have a good day, or sleep well what I am actually saying is I love you.' I whispered.

She pressed a kiss on my cheek. 'I love you too and I'll be back to you soon. I promise'

'Enjoy your trip love. I'll be there when you get home'

I kissed her one last time before she walked away. It felt like someone ripped out my heart. It was temporarily but I already missed her.

The flight to Vancouver seemed to take a very long time without company. Of course, I had the movies to keep me occupied, but it was just a lot less fun without Jennifer's commentary on every scene. The director comes up in her in that kind of moments. I'm still glad that she made the decision to come back. Things had gone so differently if she hadn't. We weren't a predestined love story, but after all those years we're finally together and I didn't regret it for a moment.

I knew for sure that Jennifer was my soulmate. It's like best friends but more. It's the one person in the world who knows you better than anyone else. That someone who makes you a better person. No, actually they don't make you a better person. You do that by yourself because they inspire you. A soulmate is someone you carry with you forever. It's one person who knew you, accepted you and believed in you before anyone else did or when no one else would. And no matter what happens, you'll always love them and nothing could ever change that.

After what seemed like forever I finally arrived in Vancouver. I picked up an enthusiastic Buckley and went home. It didn't feel complete without Jennifer. 'It's only three days. No big deal. Behave like a man' I told myself.

I grabbed my phone to let her know that I arrived home safely.

 _'Me too! I wish you were here.'_

 _'I miss you like an idiot misses the point'_

 _'Dork! I miss you too. Give Buckley a hug for me and I see you in a couple of days! X'_

A couple of days... it sounded like forever


	35. Chapter 35 - When You're Gone

Day 1 - December 28th

 _You are near, even if I don't see you. You are with me, even if you are far away. You are in my heart, in my thoughts, in my life._

 _Always._

 **Jen's pov**

The first day without Colin. Officially already the second, but yesterday I saw him in the morning. I was used to being alone and I was never so dependent on others, but I missed him. I didn't miss him unbearably, but I missed him. His smile, the blue eyes that drowned me every time, his jokes, his leathery smell, his presence. Everything. To be honest, I couldn't mention anything I didn't miss about him.

Yesterday I arrived at my parents' place. It made me realize how much I had missed them and I'm glad we have been able to talk a lot today. When I told them about Colin they were very happy for me. They knew him a little and asked me regularly if we were dating. I wished for a long time, but now I could finally call him my boyfriend. Boyfriend... It sounds so unreal, but every time I think about it my heart makes a leap.

 **Colin's pov**

Today I realized that I'm an introvert pretending to be an extrovert. Introverts may have strong social skills and enjoy parties and meetings, but after a while wish they were home in their comfy clothes. They prefer to devote their social energies to close friends, colleagues, and family. They listen more than they talk, think before they speak and often feel as if they express themselves better in writing than in conversation. They tend to dislike conflicts. Many have a horror of small talk but enjoy deep discussions.

My house suddenly felt very empty without Jennifer. I had always lived without her, but we hadn't deviated from each other's side for weeks. Fortunately, I still had Buckley around me. I took him with me for a long walk. He always loved it and I knew that fresh air would be good for me. And it turned out to be exactly what I needed.

Day 2 - December 29th

 _There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real..._

 **Jen's pov**

The second day without him. I survived the first 48 hours, but the next 44 hours would be even worse. I would finally see him again around 8 PM on New Year's Eve. I couldn't wait to take him in my arms and kiss the hell out of him. I missed his arms around me, his soft lips on mine, the sweet words he whispered in my ear. Everything.

Since Aiden's business trip I have no longer been away from him than a few hours, but never whole days. It frightened me how dependent I had become of him, but at the same time, I knew he had taken down my walls. We had agreed to send each other a message when we had landed. Furthermore, we would have no contact to see if we would really miss each other. I missed him already when we said goodbye at the airport and with every minute it got worse.

 **Colin's pov**

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment or the smallest act of caring, which have the potential to turn life around. I realized that Jennifer gave me all that. I thought about what she was doing right now. Every minute of the day I wondered how she was doing and what she was doing.

Love makes you do crazy things. Insane things. Things in a million years you'd never see yourself do. But there you are... doing them. The crazy thing I did today? I searched for Jennifer on the internet. At first, I only searched for photos of her. I missed her beautiful smile and twinkling eyes and I thought that a photo could soften the pain. Damn, was I wrong! It only got worse. Eventually, I ended up on various websites and for two hours I stalked my girlfriend on the internet. True story...

But seriously, love is a mental disease and I'm mentally very sick right now.

Day 3 - December 30th

 _Missing someone isn't about how long it has been since you've seen them or the amount of time since you've talked. It's about that very moment when you're doing something and wishing they were right there with you._

 **Jen's pov**

Only a few hours. Time passed so slowly that it almost hurt. I had never been so eager to leave my family. Not because I didn't like it, but because I just missed him. On day one, I said it wasn't unbearable. I take those words back. It's more than unbearable.

Today we celebrated Christmas with our family. A lot later than usual, but it was nice for the distraction. At least, I thought it was a distraction, but in fact, I wanted him to be there. My sister asked all kinds of questions about him and how good her intentions were, it made me feel worse.

We had bought some presents for each other. I loved it but I just wanted him, that's it. All his flaws, mistakes, smiles, giggles, jokes, sarcasm. Everything. It may sound like I'm a spoiled child, but I didn't need anything else right now.

 _You exaggerate things right now, Jen. It's even less than a day from now. You can handle this._

 **Colin's pov**

Today I spent the day with Sean. One of my closest friends. I used to like to see him and do things together, but today was different. I just didn't feel like it. You might not think so, but I'm a really shy person. I don't like to talk about myself. I've never been the popular kid in school. I've been a loner my whole life. Maybe 'loner' is too strong a word, but I've always enjoyed being on my own. My life is like a constant battle between wanting to be alone, but not wanting to be lonely. But I can say there's a big difference between being a loner and being lonely. I'm far from lonely, because of Jennifer. Jennifer is the only person I want to spend every minute with. But right now every hour without her is one hour too much.

 _This loner and introvert don't want to be alone anymore. He wants to keep his girlfriend in his arms and tell him how much he loves her. Only a few hours left to survive._


	36. Chapter 36 - New Year's Eve

**Jen's pov**

It seemed to last forever before it finally was December 31st. The day I would finally see Colin again. It wouldn't be until 8 PM, but that didn't really matter to me at the moment. It was less than 24 hours and with that thought, my heart made a leap.

I was already looking forward to tonight's party. Josh insisted on organizing the party and everyone agreed. It would be a masquerade party, something I always wanted to join in ever since my childhood. It was something mysterious and unpredictable. Just like Colin.

It was a drizzly day with snow, just as New York could be in winter. Snow had brought us together that evening, but I refused to let it separate us now. I had to go to Vancouver. When I arrived at the airport, that what I feared most happened. Flight delayed! Sighing I sat down on a bench. I had to be positive. As long as the flight wasn't canceled, there was hope.

I refused to be alone on New Year's Eve. I wanted to kiss him. Kiss him at 11:59 and don't finish that until 12:01. Therefore, I have a perfect ending and definitely a perfect beginning. That kiss is the only firework I needed.

It became a race against time to be on time. I had promised him to be with him at 8 PM, but I didn't make it. Worst of all is that I haven't been able to let him know that I have a delay. If I was in his shoes, I had gone crazy with anxiety. Once I was home, in his house, he was already gone. I quickly refreshed and prepared myself for the party. A short dress that just covered my bottom. I couldn't wait to see his face and I knew he was going to have a hard time. Literally. He isn't the only one by the way. I wanted his firm arms around me and his naked body against mine. I felt myself getting wet at the thought of that.

Before I left the house, my eye caught a letter on the table. I immediately recognized Colin's handwriting. I didn't know if he had forgotten this or if he hadn't expected me to come home earlier than him. I started reading.

 _'Sometimes I feel out of place, like a sailing ship in space. But if you're on board with me, then who cares if I'm crazy? Even the traffic jam on the roads feels like seconds when I'm with you. And a flat gas-station drink tastes like coffee from Hawaii._

 _Even when I say nothing, you know what I'm thinking. I don't need to say anything, one look is enough and if life becomes too monotonous for us, I pack you up and we just clear out'_

Tears welled up in my eyes as I continued reading.

 _'You're my favorite person. That's quite the compliment given how well you know me. With you I can be myself, I can dream, I can be crazy. Thank you for being my favorite person. I'm happy we met one another._

 _Absolutely no one is allowed to know some things about my life, but I entrust you with it because you will keep it safe. And sometimes we go in circles, sometimes we fight over something trivial but I can't be angry at you for more than five minutes._

 _If I lead you on, you notice it immediately. If I leave myself hanging, then you build me right back up again. Sometimes life feels as heavy as lead but when we're together, everything seems so easy.'_

This man is so incredibly talented. Even on paper, his words are so perfect. I mentioned a polaroid picture of our first day on set. I smiled as I wiped away my tears. There was a spark between us from day one. I turned the picture and the text continued on it.

 _'Times always change and they change us too. You and me, so young on this old Polaroid photo. The last time that we saw each other is far too long ago, but now we'll laugh together as if we had never been apart'_

This man will be my undoing, ladies and gentlemen. Mark my words.

Almost two hours later than planned, I arrived at Josh's party. The home of Josh and Ginny was transformed into a party location. There were a lot of guests. Many people from the set, many friends from Josh and Ginny, but also people that I didn't know or just couldn't recognize because of their masks. The women were distinguishable with their dresses, but all men seemed to wear the same black suit.

'Hey, Jen! You're finally here!' Ginny said as she hugged me.

I nodded. 'My flight was delayed and I'm so glad I'm on time. I didn't want to miss all this!'

I looked around the large living room, but I didn't see Colin anywhere. At least, I couldn't recognize him. I couldn't find him in the kitchen either. 'Are you looking for someone?' Josh asked.

Before I could answer, he laughed. 'Colin is outside' he winked as he passed me.

'How do you... Never mind, I already know!' I said as my eyes shot at Ginny. The role in Once suited her perfectly, she could never keep secrets just like Snow. I loved her anyway. How can I blame her for sharing everything with the love of her life? That reminded me of the fact that I was looking for the love of my life right now and I still hadn't found him.

I moved through the living room, on my way to the backyard. Before I could leave the house, two firm arms grabbed me. 'There you are!' said my favorite voice.

'Colin!' I said surprised while I wrapped my arms around his neck.

He took me in a firm hug. 'I've missed you' he whispered in my ear

'I've missed you too!' I felt tears welling up in my eyes. Not because I was sad, but because this man made me so happy and I was glad to see him again.

The whole evening we didn't let go of each other. Although we hadn't discussed our relationship with the cast and crew yet, nobody was amazed. Adam and Eddy had even expected it and Lana couldn't resist teasing us. Everyone was especially happy for us and that ended our year perfectly.

I sat on Colin's lap with my arms wrapped around him and he with his arms around me.

'I'm going to get the champagne, otherwise I will not be back in time for our kiss' he said around a quarter to twelve

Disappointed I let go of him and stood up. 'Hurry up!'

He nodded with a smile and walked to the kitchen to help Ginny prepare the champagne for the guests.

I turned to Lana and we talked about how the holiday had been. She went to both families with her boyfriend and couldn't wait to get back to work. That was the best thing about this cast and crew, everyone enjoyed it so much and everyone could get along with each other.

At 11:59 PM Lana quickly hurried to her boyfriend. She obviously wanted a New Year's kiss too.

I pulled him beside me on the couch and sat on his lap. He seemed surprised. Everyone started to countdown. Just before the clock hit twelve, I pressed my lips to his. Then I realized that I wasn't kissing Colin...

'Happy New Year!' everyone shouted.

My jaw dropped. I turned my head and looked straight into Colin's face.

* * *

 **A/N: Colin's text is a translation of a German song by the way! It's called 'Lieblingsmensch' sung by Namika. For my Dutch readers: there's also a Dutch version: 'Lievelings' sung by Teske :)**


	37. Chapter 37 - The Promised Kiss

**Colin's pov**

She sat on my lap with her arms wrapped around me and I with my arms around her.

I'm going to get the champagne, otherwise I will not be back in time for our kiss' I said around a quarter to twelve.

Disappointed she let go of me and stood up. 'Hurry up!'

I nodded with a smile and walked to the kitchen to help Ginny prepare the champagne for the guests.

At 11:59 PM I quickly hurried towards Jennifer with two glasses of champagne in my hands. It took me a few seconds to go through the crowd. I saw her pulling a man beside her on the couch. She sat down on his lap. He seemed surprised. Just before the clock hit twelve, she pressed her lips to his.

'Happy New Year!' everyone shouted.

My jaw dropped. She turned her head and looked straight into my eyes.

It's that moment when you can actually feel the pain in your chest from seeing or hearing something that breaks your heart. I always told myself to protect my heart at all cost. I've been through heartbreaks. I've known pain. I've let the wrong people in, who have taken advantage of my trust. I know what it feels like to feel as if everything you do isn't enough. I've spent days getting over someone that didn't care that they hurt me... But because of all that I learned to never allow myself to fall into that trap again for just someone. Just now that I thought you weren't just someone, it happened again. My heart broke into a thousand pieces.

'Colin...' she said confused.

I shook my head and walked to the backyard. I couldn't stand it anymore.

'Happy new year, mate!' Josh shouted in my ear. My face apparently said it all. 'Are you okay?'

I shook my head and continued my way out. The fresh air was blowing in my face. I took a deep breath and filled my lungs with a breeze. I tried to calm down as I slowly exhaled.

'Colin? What are you doing here in the backyard? Everyone is outside for the fireworks.' Ginny asked surprised.

I tried to smile, but I broke. I could feel my insides sink, just like my knees. I sat down on the ground, against the wall to support me. I really thought I knew what heartbreak was and what it felt like. The pain in your chest, knowing that things will never be the same again and the empty feeling. I buried my face in my hands.

'What's wrong?' she said as she sat down next to me and wrapped her arm around my shoulder.

'Jen kissed someone else'

Ginny was as surprised as I was. 'What? Are you sure it was Jen?'

I nodded. I knew it for sure. No one was that beautiful.

'Jen would never do that'

'I know what I saw, Ginny!' I yelled harder than I intended. She didn't deserve that. 'I'm sorry'

She grabbed my hand. 'It's okay'

I laughed as I shook my head.

Ginny raised her eyebrow. 'Are you bipolar or something?'

'No, It's just... You think you know love, you think you know pain, but you don't. You don't know anything and every time it happens again.'

'You have to talk to her. I'm sure she has a reason for this'

'She certainly has a reason' Jennifer said as she walked toward to us.

Ginny stood up. 'I'll leave you two alone'

Jennifer sat down next to me against the wall, while Ginny went inside.

'Happy New Year, handsome' she began

'It's just what you call happy' I sniffed

'Sorry. I was convinced that it was you. I would never kiss another man if I knew you were there too'

'So you would do it if I wasn't there?'

She rolled her eyes. 'No, I want you'

 _Why could I never be angry with this woman for more than 5 minutes?_

'I really thought it was you, Colin. I would never do that to you'

I took her face between my hands. 'Never do that again. Seeing you with someone else is something I don't want to see'

'I really am sorry'

I caressed her cheek. 'It's okay. I have to get used to it. You'll have to kiss other men with acting'

'I still owe you a New Year's Eve kiss' she said as she holds her breath. Her cheeks flushed red.

That's when I kissed her. Without warning, without permission. Without even deciding to do it, but simply because I couldn't have done anything else. I needed that breath she was holding. It belonged to me and I wanted it back.

'Happy New Year, Jen' I whispered as I broke the kiss and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

She stared to my lips for a while. 'I read your letter...' she admitted.

'My letter?'

She nodded. 'Yeah with the polaroid'

I felt my cheeks burning. 'You weren't allowed to see that. I missed you so much that I had to write down my feelings'

'You're the sweetest man on earth, Mr. Irish' she said as she pressed a kiss on my cheek.

We just sat there for what felt like an hour. Her head on my shoulder and my head rested against hers. 2018 didn't start perfect, but I have the feeling that this is going to be our year.

'Can I borrow a kiss? I promise I'll give it back to you' she asked cheekily

'As you wish, beautiful'. I softly kissed her. She lightly swept her tongue between my lips, pressing her warm, soft lips to mine. The most amazing lips I've ever tasted.


	38. Chapter 38 - Baby Talk

**Jen's pov**

The weeks after New Year's Eve went very well between the two of us. The hiatus was over and we went back to work. The chemistry between the two of us was better than ever before. Although we still use the well-known movie kiss, there was certainly more passion than before.

Today, January 26th, it's Colin's birthday. Josh and I had been preparing something for weeks. We wanted to throw a surprise party for him with all his friends and colleagues. As an even bigger surprise, his brother and parents came to Vancouver. During the day we had the difficult task of pretending we had forgotten about his birthday. Something that's difficult for such a friendly person as Colin.

'Good morning, beautiful' he whispered as he pulled me against him.

I pressed a kiss on his cheek. 'Good morning, birthday boy!' I couldn't totally ignore the fact that it was his birthday. Furthermore, I paid little attention to it. I thought it was terrible, but the party tonight would make up for everything.

After breakfast, we went towards the set. It was incredibly cold and we had scenes outside today. I had my beanie and mittens on and five layers of clothing under my coat. I felt like a penguin and I probably looked like that too.

Colin grinned as I stepped into the car. 'If there is a blizzard, then you're prepared in any case. Can you still move or do you want me to roll you?'

'Wait until we are outside for hours. You will regret it.'

'Maybe you forgot about it, but I wear a coat with the weight of a goat.'

I laughed as I rolled my eyes. His humor was incomprehensible sometimes, but strangely enough, he was always funny. He drove us towards the set where an enthusiastic Josh was already waiting for us.

'The dream couple!' he yelled when we got out. He embraced us and we continued our way towards the trailers. Since Colin and I were officially together, we practically shared a trailer. Actually, we already did that when we were just friends.

He opened the door to his trailer. I plopped down on his couch while he made coffee. After a few minutes, he handed me a cup of steaming black coffee.

'You've survived with me for a month' he said as he plopped down next to me. The coffee splashed over the edge. 'Fuck!'

I laughed. 'You're so clumsy'

He tried to clean his blouse with a cloth. 'Tell me something new, Morrison.' When I wasn't paying attention, he pushed the cloth in my face.

'Colin! That's so gross!' I screamed

He laughed as he threw the cloth into the corner of his trailer.

An hour later we were on the set. It seemed even colder than earlier this morning. Colin had put on his coat over Hook's leather jacket. Between the scenes, we did everything to stay warm. Sprinting, jumping, cuddling, you name it.

At the end of the day, we finally got to go inside for our scene with the Captain Swan baby. I had little experience with children, but with babies even less. Colin seemed to be a natural. He held her in his arms and rocked her back and forth. I realized it was a scene, but it was the most adorable thing I had ever seen.

I was in Emma and Killian's bed. It was early in the morning and he had to leave the bed to check on the baby. The only thing he wore was a pair of trousers.

'Hey, little one' he said softly as the baby made babbling sounds. My heart made a leap.

I pretended to wake up. A big smile appeared on my face.

'Good morning, love' he said

I tapped next to me on the bed. He took the baby and laid it between us. For a moment it felt like the perfect family. I could easily separate scenes and reality, but I really wanted this to be real.

'She's perfect ... Just like her mother' he whispered as his eyes shifted from the baby to me.

It wasn't in the script, but it felt like the right moment. I grabbed his face in my hands and kissed him. 'I love you, C... Killian.' I corrected myself just in time.

'I love you too'

'Cut!' the director interrupted. 'You guys are awesome! We're done for today.'

The crew slowly left the set, while Colin buttoned his blouse on the edge of the bed. I approached him from behind and wrapped my arms around him. 'You're so cute with a baby'

He smiled and pecked a kiss.

'Would you ever want it?'

He raised his eyebrow. 'A baby?'

I nodded.

'Yes. I always said that I wanted children before I was thirty, but, as you can see, that didn't succeed so I changed it to forty. Do you want children?'

I rested my head on his shoulder. 'Yes, but it never felt good enough in a relationship'

He caressed my face. 'I hope it ever feels good enough for you'

'It feels good when I'm with you' I pressed a kiss on his jaw. His stubble tickled my lips. 'What names would you give your children?'

He raised his eyebrow again and thought for a moment. 'Colin Junior and Jennifer Junior will do'

'I was thinking about Emma and Killian' I rebounded sarcastically

He laughed. 'I honestly never thought about names. I know that I want children, but I want to enjoy you for a little longer'

I stared at him. 'So you do want to have children with me?' I asked a little surprised.

He curled his fingers through my hair. 'Of course, I want that. We may have been officially in a relationship for only a month, but we have been together for much longer. It doesn't feel like you are just another person. You are the love of my life, Jen.'


	39. Chapter 39 - Surprise!

**Colin's pov**

I just had a conversation about children for the first time with a woman I have a relationship with. Okay, not quite the first time, but for the first time in a relatively short amount of time. The very first time was with the woman I had a relationship 10 years ago. She was the love of my life back then and everything was perfect, until the moment that everything went wrong, our lives collapsed and we grew apart. We still have contact sometimes, but it is too painful. I had never talked to anyone about it, but for the first time, I felt the need to share it with someone. I felt the need to share it with Jennifer.

'Can we talk tonight?' I asked as we walked towards the trailers. Her eyes widened. She was shocked.

'I'm not going to break up with you. There's just something I have to tell you.' I added quickly

She sighed with relief. A load seemed to fall off her shoulders. She grabbed my hand. 'Sorry, I already have plans for tonight'

I raised my eyebrow. 'On my birthday?' I asked slightly disappointed.

She nodded. 'I'm so sorry. I made this appointment a long time ago. I can't cancel it.'

I was a loner, but nobody wants to spend his birthday alone. She kissed me. 'Sorry. Tonight I'll make it up to you, I promise '

I smiled. 'Naked?' I asked cheekily.

'Perhaps. I'll see you tonight!'

Jennifer left with Josh and Ginny. They were done shooting at the same time. I had to do another scene. It barely occurred that I had scenes without her, but they wanted to go a bit more into the story behind Hook. Something I wanted for sure, but it meant more time without her.

At 7 PM my work was also done. On the way home I drove past the McDonalds and I decided to treat myself to a birthday meal. I barely went there. In the last few months, I paid more attention to my health and muscle building. Especially for the sex scene that was planned between Hook and Emma. I didn't like to take off my shirt, mainly because of uncertainty.

I parked my car in front of McDonalds and went inside.

 **Jen's pov**

I looked at my watch. It was almost 8 PM and I slightly started to panic. Where in the world is Colin? His whole house was now full of friends, family, and colleagues, but there was no sign of Colin himself.

'You checked his schedule, right?' I asked Josh.

He nodded. 'Yes, he was the last one on the set. I even did the planning for today myself with Adam and Eddy'

'Take it easy, Jen. He'll show up' Ginny added

'What if he's angry because I said I had other plans? Or that he is doing something else?' I asked still in panic

'Colin doesn't have anyone besides the people in this room. He'll come!' she tried to calm me

She was right. All the people he loved were right here. There was nothing to worry about. Fifteen minutes later, his black Mercedes stopped in front of the house. 'Everyone in your place. He's there!' I shouted.

Unsuspecting, he put the key in the door. He slowly pulled off his coat. 'Buck! Where are you?'

I grinned. Buckley was next to me. He had a hard time not to run straight to Colin with enthusiasm.

He walked to the living room and turned on the light. Everyone jumped from their places. 'Surprise!'

His eyes widened and his jaw dropped. He was shocked. 'W...what is this?' he stammered.

I walked up to him and pulled him in a hug. 'Happy birthday, handsome!'

He growled in my ear. 'I thought you had other plans'

'Wait for it, your gift is still coming' I whispered in his ear.

He smiled as he left me to greet the rest of the guests. He even became emotional when he saw his family. They couldn't celebrate his birthday for 5 years, so this day was extra special for them.

I was talking with Josh and Ginny as I felt his warm and firm arms around me. 'Thanks, Jen!' I felt his warm breath along my cheek.

I smiled. 'You must also thank Josh. Our party planner helped me tremendously!'

He walked towards Josh and wrapped his arms around him. 'Thanks, mate'

'You are my best bromance, I can't let you down!' Josh said dramatically

Colin raised his eyebrow and pouted his lip. 'Your best? So you have more than just me?'

'Oh Colin, I just love you!'

Laughing, they fell into each other's arms. These two are the biggest dorks on this earth, but also the sweetest men you can wish for.


	40. Chapter 40 - A Difficult Confession

**Colin's pov**

What started as an ordinary day, ended in a very nice birthday party. I hadn't celebrated my birthday for so many people for years. At least not with all the people I loved in one room. Even my brother and parents were there. Jennifer had asked them when we were in Ireland to celebrate Christmas. I didn't notice anything.

It was far after midnight when most of the guests had already left. A number of cast members decided to stay for a while. I was sitting on the couch next to Josh and Ginny was sitting on his lap.

'Did you like it?' Ginny asked with a thick tongue. Josh laughed. Ginny barely drank, but when she did, the alcohol quickly did his job.

'I liked it very much! I really needed this'

Jennifer plopped on my lap and wrapped her arms around my neck. 'I still have a present for you' she whispered

'Too late Morrison, It's no longer his birthday!' Josh said as he looked at his watch.

She shrugged her shoulders. 'You don't have to be a birthday boy to get presents and maybe I'm talking about a different kind of present.'

'Okay...' Josh began as he stood up with Ginny. 'Guys, we have to go. They want to make love!' Josh shouted. Jennifer started to laugh and I felt my cheeks flushing red.

Jennifer escorted them outside while I started to clean up. She hugged me from behind while she rested her chin on my shoulder. 'Did you enjoy the evening?'

I turned around and nodded. 'I don't know how to thank you'

She pressed a kiss on my lips. 'You don't have to thank me. I'll do anything for you and you deserved this'

I curled my fingers through her long blond locks. 'You're the best'

She smiled. 'I know!' She kissed my cheek and helped me clean up. Within half an hour the biggest mess was cleared up and we sat on the couch with a glass of wine.

'This afternoon you said that you wanted to tell me something' she began

I knew she wouldn't forget that. Jennifer always knew everything and barely forgot anything.

'I don't know if this is the right time, Jen'

She moved closer to me and put her hand on my knee. 'You can tell me anything'

I put my hand on hers. 'I know, but this isn't just anything. It's pretty intense'

Her eyes widened. 'Are you seeing someone else?' she asked sadly

I caressed her cheek with my thumb. 'Of course not' I tried to convince her.

'If there's no one else and you haven't cheated on me, then I can handle everything. Whatever you're going to say '

I sighed deeply. 'about ten years ago I had a relationship and... we were engaged' I began

'I've also been engaged before, that's not a problem, is it?' she cut me off

'Jen ... It's not about the engagement.'

'Then what is it about?'

'She... she was pregnant'

Her jaw dropped. 'So you're the father of a child that I haven't known about for years?' she asked angrily.

'No... I should have been that'

The expression on her face softened. 'What do you mean?'

'She had a miscarriage...' I stared at my feet and tried to control the tears in my eyes. I had never talked about it and I didn't expect it to have this impact on me.

'Oh god... Colin...' she said as she wrapped an arm around me. I rested my head against hers and felt a tear slide down. She wiped it from my cheek with her thumb and caressed my face.

'Why didn't you say this earlier?'

I shrugged my shoulders. 'I never talked about it to anyone. I just couldn't do it'

She pressed a kiss on my head. 'Did you split up for that reason?'

'Yes. It was too confronting. Too painful. It just didn't work anymore. We were both depressed and we couldn't help each other'

'And you never talked about it?'

I nodded. 'My parents and brother know about it, but we never had a deep conversation. They still think that I've gone to a psychologist'

'But you didn't do that'. _This woman knew me too well._

'Talking about it makes it real. Too real. But now that I'm getting older, I notice how much impact it has on me. You'll always wonder what it would be like if she was still there'

'Your ex-girlfriend?'

'No, the baby'

'It would be a girl?'

I nodded and felt a tear on my cheek again. 'We had just found out'

'How did it happen? What caused her to have a miscarriage?'

'A deviation in her uterus caused it. She never forgave herself'

'Did you?' she asked

'Yes. It wasn't her fault '

'But if you couldn't talk about it with anyone, why with me?'

I sighed. 'It felt good to say it. After our conversation on the set about having children, I had to share it with you. Sooner or later you want children and you just had to know'

'I'm glad you told me. I'm sure you would have been a great father to her.'

I smiled weakly as she pressed another kiss on my cheek. She took my hand and slipped it under her skirt. 'Do you want your present as a distraction, Mr. Irish?'

I grunted as I pulled her on my lap with her face towards me. 'You're impossible, Morrison'

A smile appeared on her face. 'I know the best ways to cheer you up'

She certainly knew how to do that and that's what made her so special to me. She's the only one who I wouldn't mind losing sleep for, the only one who I can never get tired of talking to, and the only one who crosses my mind constantly throughout the day. She's the only one who can make me smile without trying, bring down my mood without the intention to and affect my emotions with every action. I can't explain with just words how much she means to me. She's just the only one for me.


	41. Chapter 41 - Settled For Less

**Jen's pov**

 _A few months later_

'Please welcome my on-camera wifey, Jennifer Morrison!' Colin yelled from the stage to announce me.

The first convention of the year was a fact. I love to do conventions because it's the best way to get to know the fans better. Especially the ones with Colin are my favorite. We always have a good laugh together and he's just an amazing actor and person.

'Hi Colin!' I said as I embraced him. 'Hi everyone!' I said to the crowd as I sat down on my stool.

'What's the news, Colin?'

He laughed. 'Just having a good time'

We turned to the left for the first question. A cute little girl, barely 6 years old, was standing there. 'My question is for Killian. Are you missing Milah?'

Colin smiled. 'Yeah, of course, I'm missing her. She was my first love and I was out for revenge for centuries. Until I met this woman next to me' he answered as he poked me with his elbow.

'What was the funniest moment together on set?' the girl on the right asked.

He looked at me and chuckled. 'For her, it was definitely the Wish Hook scene. I thought she was gonna wet herself'

I rolled my eyes. 'You're always saying that! You just can't forget about it, can you?'

He shrugged his shoulders. 'Don't blame me. I'm just incredibly funny'

I laughed as I tried to answer her question. 'You know, working with Colin is a blessing. He's always there to make people laugh and there's not a day going by without laughing.'

'I agree'

The crowd laughed and so was I. 'You agree with you being funny?'

'Yeah'

'Since you both know your characters so well, have you ever had a moment when you got a script and your character did or said something that you struggle to understand why your character would do that and how do you handle that?' the next girl asked.

'Such a deep question' I exhaled deeply

'It's a good one' Colin added

We both had to think about it for a few minutes. 'Emma is just complicated when it comes to loving someone, because of her past and all the people who let her down. I think I totally understand everything she did or said during the seasons. Maybe she should have given Hook a chance a bit earlier. He did everything for her and she was very... unkind to him.' I started

He nodded. 'I think Eddy and Adam did a great job with the writing. Every line seems to suit the character. Sometimes I miss the cheeky, flirty Hook, but I do get why they changed that on him.'

'What's the best thing about working at Once Upon A Time?'

'That would be a whole list...'

Colin chuckled. 'Yeah, you always have the biggest and poetic answers so go ahead. I'll agree'

'Everyone is just great. We're like one big happy family. I'm able to work with my best friend every single day' I said as I looked at him. _God if only they knew that he was more than just my best friend..._

'and the storylines are great, the locations are perfect...'

'I agree with, Jen'

The whole crowd started laughing again. 'No honestly, I agree with her' he tried but they couldn't stop laughing.

The questions went on and on for a while. It always amazes me that some people are traveling all over the world to meet us. The Oncers are so dedicated and loving that I love to make some time for them. Colin and I went backstage for the break in between the conventions.

He pulled me into a hug. 'When are we going to tell them?'

I shrugged my shoulders. 'I really don't know. I love what we have now. Our little bubble.'

He nodded. 'I know, I love that too. But don't you think we have to tell them sooner or later?'

'Yeah, but I prefer to tell them later. I just want to enjoy you, us, everything, without the opinions of everyone.'

I felt his soft lips on my forehead. 'If that's what you want, then I agree'

I laughed. 'You always agree with me, O'Donoghue'

He stuck out his tongue. 'Let's get some Starbucks. I'm craving for a coffee'

I acted like I was hesitating for a moment.

'O, come on. You never say no to a coffee. Especially if it's one from Starbucks'

I rubbed my chin. 'Well, if you put it like that, then I would love to get some coffee with you'

He raised his eyebrow. 'Seriously, are you quoting a scene right now?'

'Yeah!' I laughed as I pressed him towards the door.

'I really hope there's not a bus, Morrison' he said laughing as he pressed the door.

I chuckled. 'Dork!'

We tried to reach the closest Starbucks as unobtrusively as possible. Mission impossible, of course. Everyone knew that we were there at that moment, so in no time there were a lot of fans around us. We rushed back as quickly as possible.

'You have to make a sacrifice if you want a good coffee...' Colin sighed as he sat on the couch in his dressing room. I sat down next to him. We sat there for a while in silence.

'Since the time I was with my parents, you and I haven't actually spent a day without each other' I began

'Do you mind?' he asked.

I shook my head. 'No, but it just surprised me. It never worked in previous relationships'

He grinned

'What?' I asked irritated

'You keep saying that it didn't work, you were busy and all that kind of excuses. I think you didn't want it. You didn't need to be with someone all the time, until now.'

He hit the nail on the head. I had never been as deeply in love as I am now. Colin changed something in me, in a positive way. I don't understand why I have ever settled for less.


	42. Chapter 42 - Dear Future Husband

**Colin's pov**

After a few hours of waiting it was time for the afternoon convention. Days like this were very exhausting, but I really loved to do it. Jennifer had a convention on her own before this one, so the last hour went by very slowly without her.

'Speaking of handsome man... Please welcome my on-camera hubby, Colin O'Donoghue!' she shouted to announce me. I walked onto the stage. 'You were lucky I was right there, Morrison' I said as I sat down on the stool for the second time that day.

The fans started with easy questions about the seasons, episodes, progress between Emma and Hook and how we think about Captain Swan. Until a shy, young woman took place behind the mic. 'My question is for both of you. I already passed the age of twenty and I'm still single. Do you guys have any advice for girls like me?'

Jen smiled. 'It takes a strong person to remain single in a world that is accustomed to settling with anything just to say they have something. Being single isn't something bad. Your time will come but you just have to be patient.'

This woman always had the perfect answers to questions like this.

I nodded in agreement. 'I completely agree with her and you know what... Someday someone is going to look at you with a light in their eyes you've never seen. They'll look at you like you're everything they've been looking for their entire lives. Wait for that and don't settle for less just because you want to be with someone.'

'Thank you so much' the girl answered.

After the convention, we went backstage again. I was starving. 'Shall we go eat somewhere to celebrate our anniversary?'

'I don't know... I don't want it to be like Starbucks earlier today. Maybe we can order something and eat it together in your room?'

I smiled. She always knew how to convince me. 'That sounds even better. But on one condition...'

'And that will be?' she asked suspiciously

'You have to stay the night' I answered cheekily

She wrapped her arms around my neck. 'And what made you think you deserve that, O'Donoghue?'

'Because I'm the best boyfriend out there and because I know you want to stay'

'Says who?'

'Then tell me you don't want to stay'

She sighed while a smile appeared on her face. 'Okay, you're right. I want to stay.'

'Meet me at eight, in my room' I whispered. I pressed a kiss on her cheek and left.

 **Jen's pov**

I was nervous about my date with Colin. It didn't make any sense, of course, because I had known him for years and we had been together for six months. I knew him better than anyone else and he knew me, but I was still nervous. Probably it was because I was so in love with this man. Head over heels.

I went through the clothes that I had taken with me on this trip. It wasn't much, but I was glad that I had decided to take a party dress with me. Not that there was a party planned, but I always took it with me just in case I needed it. This was such a moment that I was very happy with that decision. Colin had only told me that I had to be in his room at eight, so I had no idea if he would wear his comfortable clothes or a suit.

I went to his room a few minutes before time. Unfortunately, it was a floor below mine. I knocked at his door, which was immediately opened by him. He stood there in black pants and a dark blue shirt. I loved it when he wore blue, especially when it was dark blue. It was beautiful with his bright blue eyes. It made them even pop out more than they normally do.

He absorbed me from head to toe. 'You look gorgeous, Jen' he said as he guided me inside. I hadn't been in his room yet, but it was very tidy. I knew he was a very neat person, but that even his hotel room would be tidy was a pleasant surprise.

He guided me to the small table in his room, with a bottle of champagne on it.

'Champagne?' I asked surprised

'We have something to celebrate' he said, pouring the glasses with champagne

He raised his glass and so did I. 'To the beautiful time we have had and the great time that is yet to come'

I hugged him and felt his strong arms around my waist. I put my head on his shoulder and sighed. Being in the arms of the love of your life is the best feeling ever. It feels like you're safe. It feels like no one can hurt you. You're under his warm embrace. Feeling his muscles around your waist, your body being pulled closer to his. The feeling is indescribable. When they say it's the best feeling ever, they aren't kidding. Because in that moment, when you're sharing body heat, there isn't a place you'd rather be or a single thought that crosses your mind that doesn't involve him.

'Are you okay?' he asked

I nodded. 'I'm just so happy with you. Sometimes I'm afraid it's just a dream and that I can wake up at any moment'

He pressed a soft kiss in my neck. 'Does this feel real?'

I moaned

'And this?'

I nodded.

He pressed a last kiss on my lips. 'Then you aren't dreaming, love'

'You didn't have to stop...' I growled disappointed

He grinned. 'Do you always start your dates with sex?'

'Just with you'

A smile appeared on his face. 'Good.'

We ordered our dinner from room service. It felt like our first date again. I noticed that he was a bit more uncomfortable than he normally is.

'We're actually really weird...' I said laughing

'Why?'

'We've been together officially for half a year, but actually, we've been together for a bit longer. Why are we nervous now?'

He grinned. 'Maybe that's a good thing, otherwise, it would be boring soon'

I nodded in agreement. 'But I can't imagine that I'll ever think you're boring'

'You won't say that again when we are old and shriveled'

'Even when you're old and shriveled I will like you.'

He laughed. 'I'll always like you. It took us a while to find each other, but here we are'

'Dear future husband. I have stumbled across a bunch of lames in the process of finding you. Now that we've finally met, I'm going to slap you in the face for taking so damn long. With love, wifey'

He spit out his wine when I finished. 'Dear future husband?' he laughed

I nodded, more seriously this time. 'You make the future less scary for me. I can actually see one for the first time in my life.'

He smiled as he laid his hand on mine. 'You're the finest, loveliest, tenderest and most beautiful person I have ever known and even that's an understatement'

I felt my cheeks flushing red. 'No future wifey?'

'Okay, let me do that again because I got it wrong'

I sighed as I rolled my eyes. 'All those references today...'

He coughed. 'Dear future wifey. I just want to tell you that I will never lie to you, cheat on you or mess with your heart...' he started

'I will be your protection, your listening ear, and your safety when you're feeling down. I will love you, I will cherish you, I will honor you, respect you and I will never make you feel like you're not wanted'

There was a silence between the two of us. 'Better?' he asked

'Colin...' I couldn't say anything else. 'You're...'

'The best future husband ever, I know' he cut me off with a smirk

I nodded as tears were welling up in my eyes. 'It almost sounded like a vow'

'Actually, it is a vow. I vow that I'll always love you and...' he paused

'And what?'

'And I vow to still grab your butt even when you're old and wrinkly' he said cheekily

I smiled, stood up and sat down on his lap. 'Promise?'

'Promise'


	43. Chapter 43 - Pool Party

**Colin's pov**

I have learned a lot the last couple of years. I learned that things don't always turn out the way you planned or the way you think they should. I have learned that there are things that go wrong that don't always get fixed or get put back together the way they were before. I've learned that some broken things stay broken and that you can get through bad times and keep looking for better ones, as long as you have people who love you. I can sum up everything in three words: life goes on.

In life we do things, some we wish we had never done and some we wish we could replay a million times in our head. But they all make us who we are and they shape every detail about us. If we were to reverse any of them we wouldn't be the person we are, so just live, make mistakes, have wonderful memories and always remember that when something bad happens you have three choices. You can either let it define you, let it destroy you or you can let it strengthen you. It's up to you.

Sometimes you just have to remind yourself that it'll all be okay. Maybe not now, maybe not tomorrow, but one day. Remind yourself that things have changed and that they changed for a reason just like people change for a reason. You have to let go and move on. It's going to be hard and you're going to feel lonely, but hold on. Maybe tomorrow is going to be the best day of your life. I'm living the best days of my life right now, with Jennifer.

'Good morning, handsome!' Jennifer said as she walked into the living room while wearing my shirt. She kissed me with her soft lips.

'Good morning, beautiful!' I still got butterflies even though I've seen her a hundred times.

She sat on my lap and laughed.

'What's so funny?' I asked as I raised my eyebrow.

'Josh just sent me a message'

'Oh god, do I want to know?'

She nodded. 'It's not that bad, I just don't know if you'll like it'

'Tell me, I'm all ears'

'He invited us to a pool party today'

I swallowed. I didn't like to be shirtless in front of people who weren't Jennifer

She caressed my face. 'Don't be so insecure, Colin'

I smiled faintly. I always tried not to be insecure, but it's just who I am.

She lifted my chin. 'Stop being unhappy with yourself and stop hating your body. You have to love yourself and just be happy with yourself. You're perfect.'

'I am not, Jen'

'You are perfect to me, Colin. I love who you are and I love your flaws and imperfections. They make you 'you' and 'you' is pretty amazing'

I smiled as I rested my head against hers. She pressed her lips to my hair and trailed them down my face to reach my lips. When she reached them she gently slid her tongue between them. We kissed long and passionately and I pushed the thoughts of my insecurities out of my mind. I focused on her smell, her touch, her warmth and the pulse of her heart. We were holding on to each other as she still sat on my lap. Eventually, she slightly pushed me back.

'I love you. Do you know how much I love you?' she said, barely a whisper

'As much as I love you'

I decided to join her at the pool party. After all, it was a hot summer day and I could use some refreshment. The fact that it was a private party for the cast made it more bearable and also more fun. No uncomfortable conversations with new people, but just familiar with people we know.

We were the first to arrive at Josh and Ginny. The next hour, more and more people came in. Sebastian was also invited, Jennifer's ex-boyfriend. I was hanging on the edge of the swimming pool, while Jennifer talked with Sebastian on the sunbeds. I felt a stab of jealousy going through my body.

'Don't you trust her?' Meghan asked as she swam towards me.

'I do trust her'

'But?'

'She loved him'

Meghan wrapped her arm around my shoulder and stared at Jennifer and Sebastian. 'She loves you now. She already loved you when she was with him'

I turned my head in her direction. 'She did?'

'Oh, come on, Colin! Everyone notice that she is madly in love with you. It has never been different and she really doesn't give up on you. Certainly not for him '

'Thanks, Meg. I really appreciate it'

I swam to the poolside where Sebastian and Jennifer were sitting on their sunbeds. I pushed myself up on the edge and sat down on it with my legs in the water, my back facing them.

'Shall we have a drink together this week? I'm still in Vancouver for the time being' I heard Sebastian's voice behind me. I rolled my eyes.

'Eh...' Jennifer clearly didn't know what to say. 'I'm not looking for a date at the moment.'

'I thought you were always open for a date?' he asked in amazement.

'I have a relationship, Sebas. I don't think it's appropriate to have a drink together'

'A relationship? You made some progress. Who is the lucky man?'

'Me' I replied as I turned to look at him

'Ah Colin, that doesn't surprise me. You're okay with the two of us having a drink?'

I raised my eyebrow. 'Actually, I'm not. You have enough time to talk right now'

I pushed myself into the water again. I trusted her for one hundred percent, but I couldn't stand him. Josh, the little child he was, threw a ball right next to me in the water and jumped into it himself.

'Come on honey, let's play a game!' he shouted as he threw the ball at me again.

After a few times throwing to each other, I noticed that the sunbeds of Jennifer and Sebastian were empty. A weird feeling crept on me. _Where were they?_

I tried to swim towards the edge when a ball from Josh hit the back of my head and I ended up under water. 'Seriously, dude?' I snorted when I came up again. There was a loud laughter around me.

Suddenly I was blinded. It took a while before I realized that some hands were covering my eyes. A lady jumped on my back. When I heard her giggle in my ear, I knew immediately who it was.

'Jen?'

She ran her hand through my hair. 'The one and only'

I put her down and turned to look at her. 'Where is Sebastian?'

She smiled. 'He's talking to Lana and Emilie.'

'Are you going on a date with him?'

'Of course not. I am with you. Why should I date someone else?'

I shrugged my shoulders

'Colin, don't be so insecure. I love you'

'I love you too'

She pushed herself up on my shoulders and wrapped her legs around my waist, while she kissed me deeply. I felt her center against my crotch which reacted immediately. She moaned in my mouth.

'Easy, tiger. You have to wait until we get home.' she whispered in my ear

'Can't we find a quiet spot?' I groaned

She slid her hand in my swimming trunks. 'Perhaps, but what fun would that be?'

'Jen, please...'

'Be patient'


	44. Chapter 44 - The Ugly Truth

**Jen's pov**

The feeling of being curled up in his arms with our fingers intertwined and the soft feel of his breath in my neck can never be put into words. I can, however, tell you that it is where I belong and it's in his arms that I feel at home. My home is where Colin is.

While Colin was still in bed, I cleaned up the house. Yesterday he came home late from a shooting day for one of his new films. Where I had taken a step back in order to catch my breath, he just took steps forward, working even harder than he already did. Sometimes I was afraid it would all be too much for him. Acting is his passion and he is so damn good at it, but during the last few days, he seemed more tired than ever. In fact, he was exhausted and I was worried about him.

I opened a drawer and noticed a pile of paper that needed to be sorted out. My eye fell on a crumpled letter and I immediately recognized the handwriting. My jaw slightly dropped and I lowered myself to a chair. I unfolded the paper and began to read.

 _'Dear Jennifer,_

 _I look at myself in the bathroom mirror. I'm okay. I finally have a plan and a solution to my problems. Killing myself is the only way and I'm going to do it tonight. What I did to you was wrong. So damn wrong and I can't forgive myself about it. I thought I was better, but I'm not. I tried to get stable. You helped me to get stable for a while, but the fact is that I'm not stable at all. I never was._

 _Seeing someone slowly lose interest in you is probably one of the worst feelings ever. I know it hurts and that you're reading this now trying to figure things out. You didn't want to give up but sometimes you just have to. I don't blame you for anything, but I need you to know that you deserve more than he's willing to provide._

 _Sometimes you've got to run away to see who will run after you. Sometimes you've got to talk quieter to see who's really listening. Sometimes you've got to step up to fight, only to see who's standing by your side. Sometimes you've got to make the wrong decision, only to see who's there to help you fix it. Sometimes you got to let go of the one you love, just to see if they love you enough to come back to you. Promise me that you won't settle for less. All I want for you is to be happy._

 _Maybe one day we'll find that place where you and I could be together. We'll catch our dreams within the waves of change. Smile for me, just one last time, and believe that we'll ever meet again. Until then, I'll be missing you._

 _I love you._

 _\- Aiden'_

Tears rolled down my cheeks. This was Aiden's farewell letter. I always wondered why. Why did he not want to live anymore? Was it the rejection or was there more that I knew nothing about? I didn't know why all this time. Everything was based on suspicions, but I had no certainty and that killed me from the inside. Now I knew for sure. There was more in his life than I knew about. I thought I knew him, but he turned out to be a stranger to me.

The tears kept coming. I cried for Aiden. Of sadness, but also of relief. Relief because I finally knew why he did it. He had mental problems. Not that it makes it less bad. It remains terrible.

'What is going on?' Colin asked still sleepily

I couldn't look at him. He had lied to me. The man I gave up everything for and that meant the world to me had lied to me. It wasn't the first time someone had lied to me, but that _he_ was the one who did it, tore me apart.

'You've lied to me' I sobbed

'Please let me explain'

'There is nothing to explain'

'Jen, please'

'What do you want to explain, Colin? That you kept the farewell letter hidden from me? That you've lied to me?' I shouted

'Please, calm down'

'Calm down?' I snorted. 'How could you do this to me?'

'I didn't lie, Jen. I kept the letter hidden to protect you' he said calmly

'You lied when you said there was no letter.'

'Jen...'

'You made a vow, Colin! A damn vow!' I shouted. 'You said you would never lie and never mess with my heart...' my voice broke

There was a silence between us.

'And... you did both' I sobbed

'Jennifer, I'm so sorry'

He never said my entire name. 'Sometimes sorry is not enough'

'If I could turn back time, I would never have done it. I'm really sorry' he said, taking my hands. I noticed that he was trying to control his tears.

'Don't be sorry. I was the one who trusted you. My mistake, not yours'

My words hit him like a sledgehammer. 'You can still trust me...'

I shook my head. 'If you want me to trust you, just be real and honest with me'

'Everything I said was real and honest. Believe me'

'I can't, Colin' I said, taking my hands out of his. I put the letter in my pocket and left Colin there alone. I needed time. Time to think about what I wanted in life. Time to process everything. Time to grieve my broken heart.


	45. Chapter 45 - An Old Friend

**Colin's pov**

I can't change what is done, I can't go back in time, I can't try to change the hurt feelings or mend the broken hearts. All I can do is learn from my mistakes and hope I will never regret anything as much as I do now. I saw the sadness in her eyes but I didn't know what to say. I couldn't think of anything to say that would take her pain away so I kept on saying in my head, _I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry._

The truth is that I really regret what I did. It felt like the right thing to do at that moment, but I should have known better. She had the right to know the truth, no matter how hard it is. It could have made her grief easier, but it also could have made it so much worse. I did things out of love for her. She had so much pain at the time that I couldn't handle it to hurt her even more by letting her read his letter. Maybe I should have destroyed it, but I couldn't do it and actually, I'm glad I did not.

I arrived on the set early in the morning. It's been two weeks since Jennifer left me. I have no idea if we are still together or if she even wants to be. The last two weeks felt very uncommon. Of course, I saw her on the set, but nothing like we were before. I parked my car and walked towards my trailer where my makeup artist was waiting for me. An hour later I was transformed into Killian Jones and walked towards the set.

'Good morning!' I said when I walked towards Josh and Jennifer

'Irish man, you're finally here!' Josh shouted enthusiastically as he patted me on the shoulder. Jennifer smiled but said nothing.

Josh sighed. 'I don't know what's going on between the two of you, but do something about it.'

'Silence on the set!' a crew member shouted as we took our positions.

'Cameras are running! Action!'

The scene was emotionally pretty intense. Killian would almost die in front of Emma's eyes, again. A knife was pressed on my throat.

'Killian, no!' Jennifer shouted

'Emma, don't! You can't help him. Please think about the baby' I heard Josh say

'Well, Captain, what is it going to be. Your life or the savior's?'

Jennifer shook her head. 'Please...' she begged as tears ran down her cheeks.

I smiled faintly. 'Take care of her' I said as I nodded to her belly.

'Killian, don't do it. We find another way'

'We both know that there is no other way, love'

'Please...' she tried, sobbing

'My life' I said to answer the question

'Is she really worth your life, pirate?'

I chuckled. 'She's tough. She tries to hide it. She's difficult. But if you make an effort, she is worth it. She's worth every bit of effort and I'm willing to give my life for her' I said as Killian but I actually meant every word of it. Jennifer was worth it.

The last thing I heard was yelling and sobbing. At least, that's what the script said. I grabbed my throat and fell to my knees.

'Cut! Add some blood on him' the director commanded

My make-up artist added some make-up and fake blood to make it look as real as possible. 'Your face is so wonderful to work with. Even fake blood looks good on you' she said laughing as she stood up. I smiled but felt someone looking at me. I looked up and looked straight into Jennifer's eyes. She blushed and quickly turned her head away. I clearly felt the affection.

'Everyone in his position again!'

She ran to me and pulled my upper body slightly upwards. 'Killian...'

I caressed her face while I moaned in pain. 'Emma...'

She kissed my forehead. 'Please, I can't do it without you'

 _I can't live without you_ , my head said. 'You are strong, Swan'

'I'm not strong without you' she said in tears as she slid her hand over my throat. In real life, it looked strange, but with the special adaptations for the magic it looked much more realistic

She pressed her lips to mine. A feeling I had missed for a long time. I slightly opened my mouth and slid my tongue over her lips. She shuddered, but she didn't push me away.

'Cut!'

'What did you do?' she whispered annoyed

'I'm sorry. I thought...'

'You thought what? That you could let your tongue slid into my mouth after what you did?'

'Jen...'

'No, Colin!' She stood up and walked off the set.

Josh walked over to me. He gave me a hand and helped me to my feet. 'What is going on?'

'She's mad at me'

Josh rolled my eyes. 'I didn't know that yet, thanks'

'I hid something for her that I should never have done. She probably never forgives me '

He tapped me on the shoulder. 'You know Jen. She loves you. It will be okay'

I shrugged my shoulders. 'I have no idea what else I can do. I have tried everything'

'I know something. I heard from Ginny that she is going out for dinner tonight with Rose. Why don't you surprise her during that dinner? Show that you care about her. Women love that'

I nodded in agreement. 'You're right. Thanks, mate'

Josh questioned Ginny about Jennifer's appointment. He found out where she was going to eat and at what time. Ginny was also not allowed to know anything, because she probably couldn't keep her mouth shut. I knew she was going to eat around six at her favorite Italian. I had a shooting day until eight, so I could be at the restaurant just before she left.

After the last scene, I hurried myself to my trailer. I quickly changed clothes and picked up the flowers I had bought for her and the letter I wrote. The eyeliner was still on my eyes, but I didn't care. I had to go to Jennifer. The traffic was horrible, but I was at the restaurant by 8.30 am.

I got out of the car with the flowers and saw her just come out of the restaurant. As expected, she wasn't alone. Josh told me she was going to eat with Rose, but this was definitely not a woman. I immediately recognized Sebastian. My breath stopped in my throat. I swallowed hard.

They walked out laughing.

'Jen. I missed this' I heard him say

'Me too' she admitted.

He smiled and bent forward to kiss her.


	46. Chapter 46 - Hotel Room

**Jen's pov**

I'm hard to love. I'm difficult. But when I give my heart to someone, I give my whole heart and I never really get it back entirely. Sebastian was very special to me and I realize that feelings that come back are feelings that never left.

His lips touched mine and it felt incredibly good. After all those weeks, I needed love. Lots of love. Sebastian had always been good to me, but we didn't have enough time for each other. I never completely got over him.

I parted my lips from his when I heard someone smashing a car door. I looked around and saw Colin's car. 'Oh god, Colin' I whispered. I realized what I had done. Even worse, I realized that he was probably here to surprise me.

'Let him be. He doesn't deserve you' Sebastian replied while he leaned forward to kiss me again

'Don't. I... I'm sorry. I will always love you Sebas, but Colin means everything to me. I can't do this to him. Not again'

He sniffed. 'Then why don't you live with him anymore?'

Tears welled up in my eyes. I rested my forehead on his shoulder. 'I don't know' I sobbed

He pulled me in a hug and rubbed my back lovingly. 'Shall I take you home?'

I nodded as I buried my face in his neck. No matter how guilty I felt, Sebastian felt so familiar, so nice, so good.

With an arm around my shoulder, he guided me to his car. My eye fell on a bunch of flowers next to his car that had probably been thrown to the ground. I noticed a letter. As curious as I was, I walked towards it. I took out the envelope and saw my name written on it. 'Colin...' I whispered almost inaudibly. Despite the fact that I was angry, he didn't deserve this. I do know that he had the best intentions and did things this way because he loves me, but it made me upset.

I put the letter in my coat pocket and sat next to Sebastian in the car. He put his hand on my leg and squeezed softly. 'Are you okay?'

I nodded. 'Yes, I'm okay' I lied

He moved his hand to my face and turned it slightly so that I had to look at him. 'You're not okay, Jen. I know you'

I laughed faintly. 'You know me too well'

'Shall I take you to Colin?'

My eyes widened. 'Would you do that for me?'

'Yes of course. You know what I think about him, but if it makes you happy I'll take you to him.'

Where did I deserve all those sweet and loving men? I started to think more and more that it was my fault that relationships didn't work out. I stared into his blue eyes. They weren't nearly as beautiful as Colin's, but they were blue enough to drown in them. I put my hand on his face and caressed it with my thumb.

'Every woman is lucky to have you, Sebas'

He smiled as his cheeks flushed red. 'Not everyone thinks that way'

I knew he meant me. 'Then those women are incredibly stupid'

'You can say that'

'Is that stupid woman allowed to make it right?'

He nodded.

I rested my forehead against his. 'Would you ever forgive her?'

'I already did' he whispered. He tilted his head a little to the right and pressed his lips to mine. He opened my mouth slightly with his tongue. Our tongues fought for dominance and we kissed each other with everything we had. After a while, I broke the kiss and leaned back to pull myself together.

I looked at him. His lips were swollen, his shirt tucked out of his trousers and his hair was a total mess. I wrapped my arms around his neck and looked into his hungry, blue eyes.

Instead of driving me to Colin, we were driving to his hotel. When we entered his room he touched his lips to mine and pushed me against a table. My hands are everywhere. On his shoulders, the back of his neck and in his hair. The only one I was thinking about was Colin. He broke our kiss. We just stand there for a few seconds with our foreheads touching

'Something wrong?' Sebastian asked concerned.

'No' I lied

Sebastian looked relieved. He walked me backward until the backs of my knees were pressed into his bed. He laid me down on my back and his hand was tugging at my dress. He pulled it over my head. I shiver in the cold air.

He pulls off his shirt. My fingertips ran over the smooth muscles of his abdomen. My lips were following the same path. My body burns where he doesn't touch and burns where he does.

The next morning I woke up next to him. I didn't realize where I was until I turned myself around and faced him. He was still asleep.

Nausea crept inside me. The only thing I could remember from yesterday evening was that I was in bed with Sebastian and that we were intensely kissing. After that, everything is black. I looked at my phone hoping for a message from Colin, as he did every night for the past two weeks. There was nothing on my screen.

I opened a new message. 'I'm sorry about last night.' Before I knew it I sent the message.

I got a thumbs up as an answer. _What have I done..._

'Can we talk tonight?' I typed

'Fine'

I sighed. He was mad or even worse... disappointed.

'Good morning' I heard next to me

I turned around and faced him again. 'Good morning' I paused.

'Did... Did we... You know...' I stammered

'Have we had sex?' he filled in for me

I nodded. I was afraid of what he was about to say. He raised his shoulders. 'Almost. You fell asleep'

 _Thank god. Thank the universe._

I tried to look as disappointed as possible, but I was actually very relieved that nothing happened between us. He lay down on me and pressed his lips to mine. Yesterday it seemed to feel so good, but there was nothing left of it now. I felt his hardness against my thigh. He groaned in my ear as he began to move softly against me.

'Sebas...'

'God, I was so turned on last night. I want you. I want to feel the inside of your body. Making your body scream in the grasps of ecstasy as my fingers touch you. I want to caress your breasts, your stomach, your legs... Everything. I want your tongue to taste my body. Don't let me down, Jen.'

My eyes widened. This was exactly why I left him. I have to admit that the sex was amazing, but it was always about him and what he wanted.

He kissed my neck. 'I want to hear you moan my name again as your reaching your peak. I want to enter you and fuck you harder'

The nausea became worse. I used to like his dirty talk, but it was turning me off right now. It made me realize how lucky I was to have Colin. Of course, he made mistakes and maybe he's not perfect, but he's human. The human I love most, the human I can't live without.

'I don't want to, Sebas. Please get off me'

He growled. 'You're unbelievable, slut'

Tears welled up in my eyes. He never called me something like that and I was always sure he would never do that. I stood up and dressed myself as I tried to hold my tears.

'Jen, I'm sorry' he said eventually

'Don't be. I thought you were my friend, but after all, you're nothing different than all the other guys'

'I'm different. I was just disappointed'

I sniffed. 'No, you didn't get what you want and that's why you get angry. I'm leaving' I said as I grabbed my stuff.

'Where are you going?'

'I'm going to the man I belong with'

* * *

 **A/N: But who will be the man she belongs to? ;)**


	47. Chapter 47 - Love Is Forgiveness

**Colin's pov**

There is a part of me that is desperate to know if my absence has done any damage to you. That there is a possibility that you too, experience long restless nights due to the thought of me. That your heart is broken in the same places as mine. I want to know that I'm not the only one hurting from this. I want to know that I actually meant something to you.

I don't think I will ever meet someone that could really compete with you. I could see all sorts of people, and no matter who they are or what they say, they can't capture my attention quite the way you can. I could talk to all sorts of other people, yet I always find myself thinking about how they're not quite as charming as you, or they don't make me laugh quite as genuinely. I know people always say your first love is the person you compare everyone to, but maybe they've got it wrong. Maybe the person you compare everyone to isn't your first love, but your true love. Your soulmate.

It's like that moment when you're driving and it's pouring down rain, you drive under a bridge and everything stops. Everything goes silent and it's almost peaceful. Then you finally get out from under the bridge and everything hits you a little harder than before. You were my bridge.

I was still in bed and stared at the ceiling, lost in my own thoughts. At Josh's party, she had sworn never to meet Sebastian. Of course, she is an independent woman and she can decide for herself what she does and I probably didn't mind if it was just going out for dinner, but it wasn't just that. There was more going on and the truth hurt. I lost her.

I looked at my alarm clock and saw that it was only 9 o'clock in the morning. The sunlight slowly crept into my bedroom, but it was still dark enough to stay in bed a bit longer. She wanted to talk to me tonight and I wasn't looking forward to it. I was afraid of what she had to say to me.

I heard Buckley running back and forth nervously downstairs. He often had those crazy moods so I didn't pay any attention to it. A few minutes later I thought I heard him coming up the stairs. 'Bucks, go downstairs!'

The door handle went down softly. I sighed. 'You should have become a guide dog, Bucks.' I expected my enthusiastic labrador but looked straight into Jennifer's face.

'W... what are you doing here?' I stammered in surprise

'I had to see you...' she sobbed

I sat up in bed. 'What is wrong? Did something happen to you?'

She sat on the end of the bed. 'No, I just don't know'

'What don't you know?'

'What I have to do. My life feels so worthless without you, but at the same time I am so incredibly angry' she sobbed

 _She felt the same way._ I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her towards me to calm her down.

'I stayed with Sebastian last night'

My world collapsed within a minute. 'Oh...' was the only thing I could manage to say

'We didn't have sex' she added quickly

I curled my fingers through her blonde hair. 'I'm glad to hear that'

She looked at me. 'Really?'

I nodded. 'I wouldn't be able to handle it if you had done that'

'Me neither'

'What happened, Jen?'

She sighed deeply. 'I went with him to his hotel. We kissed and...'

'And what?'

'And we have been lying naked in bed'

'Oh...' I said again. Trying to hide my disappointment.

She caressed my face. 'Nothing has happened, I promise.'

I smiled. 'I trust you.'

'I'm sorry'

I raised my eyebrow. 'You're sorry? I am the one who should be sorry.'

'I forgive you' she said softly

'What... why?' I asked surprised.

'You did hurt me, but I forgive you. There's no use to fighting the one I love'

'Are you serious?'

She nodded. 'I forgive you. I mean it. I love you'

'I love you too' I said as I pulled her towards me and kissed her forehead.

'I've missed you' she whispered against my neck.

'I've missed you too, love'

She gently pushed me backward and lay down on me. She curled her fingers through my hair and pressed kisses all over my face.

I grinned. 'What did I do to deserve this?'

'Being you. The man I love.'

I pressed my lips to hers. 'Hm, do I taste a bit of Sebastian there?'

'Asshole!' she laughed as she slapped me.

I caressed her face as I stared deep into her eyes. 'I'm sorry for everything. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I should have known better.'

She nodded, smiling. 'We all make mistakes. Being with Sebastian made me realize that I don't want anyone else but you. You always treat me so well and with so much love and you are always there for me. You are my boyfriend, but also my best friend and I don't want to lose that because of one stupid mistake'

'I'm so glad you're back'

She smiled. 'Me too'

I sat up, making her sit on my lap. I searched with my hand in the drawer of the bedside table.

'We haven't used condoms for a while now' she grinned

'I'm not looking for that.' I searched through the drawer until I found what I was looking for.

'Ever since we met, I've known that we're special. That the way we talk and laugh around each other is different than everybody else. That I will never meet anyone I can trust as much as I trust you. And I think most people search their whole lives for what we've already found'

She smiled. 'I think you're right'

'Shh. Let me finish, love' I whispered

'I love you. I am who I am because of you. You are every reason, every hope, and every dream I've ever had. No matter what happens to us in the future, every day that we are together is the greatest day of my life and I'll always be yours.' I continued

Tears welled up in her eyes. 'I love you too'

I opened the little box I'd grabbed from the bedside table. 'Jen, will you marry me?'


	48. Chapter 48 - The Big Answer

**Jen's pov**

You know you're in love when you can say anything to the person and you know he won't laugh at you. When you can see his face when you close your eyes. When you can still feel his arms around you holding you tight long after he is gone. When you can still taste his lips after you have said goodbye. You can tell you're in love when you miss him before he is gone. When his voice lingers in your ears. When his presence eases any pain. When his name sends chills down your spine. When he is the only thing you can think about. You know you are in love when you can see all his hopes and dreams and his soul when you look into his eyes. When he calls you at four in the morning to say 'I love you'. When tears stain not only his shirt but also his heart. When he is hurt just because of these tears. When even a simple chore done with him can become a lasting memory. Ultimately, you know you are in love when you can't imagine living without him, and can't figure out how you live before you knew him. When he fulfill every need and without him you are incomplete. The love of him completes your heart and mind.

Tears welled up in my eyes. 'I love you too'

Colin opened something he'd grabbed from the bedside table. 'Jen, will you marry me?'

My jaw dropped. Did he really just do this? I blinked because I couldn't realize what was happening.

'If you don't want this or think it's too early, please say it'

I had been quiet for too long. 'Colin, I...'

He smiled faintly. 'I understand'

'No, let me finish now. I just want to spend every possible minute of the rest of my life with you.'

He raised his eyebrow. 'You do?'

I nodded. 'So my answer is yes. I want nothing more right now than marrying you'

A huge smile appeared on his face. He grabbed the ring from the box and slid it on my finger. It was the most beautiful ring I've ever seen in my life. I pressed my lips to his. I've never been so happy. I've never felt this way before. I'm so in love with this man.

I prefer to stay in bed with him all day, but work had to be done. The smile stuck on my face and nothing could change that. When we walked towards the trailers together, Josh already ran into us.

'I see my plan has worked out!' he said proudly

Colin grinned. 'Not exactly. The dinner was with Sebastian'

Josh was startled. 'Sorry, buddy. I really didn't know that'

He patted Josh's shoulder. 'It ended well, that's the most important'

'So you are together again?'

I nodded as I played with the engagement ring on my finger. Josh didn't notice and wrapped his arms around us. 'I'm so happy for you guys!'

We continued our way to Colin's trailer and he opened it. His trailer had also become a bit of mine. Only when he wasn't on set, I spent time in my own. I sat down on the couch and grinned.

Colin turned around and raised his eyebrow. 'Why are you laughing?'

'Actually, it all started here on this couch'

He knelt in front of me and took my hands in his. 'It all started when I saw you for the first time, but...'

'I was with Sebastian, I know' I interrupted

He looked at my hands and caressed the top of them with his thumbs. He played with my engagement ring.

'Is there something wrong?' I asked

He shook his head. 'No, why?'

'You are so calm'

He sighed and looked at me. 'This morning was very impulsive'

Disappointment overtook me. 'Do you regret it?'

'No, of course not. I just wanted it to be perfect and it wasn't. It's just a normal day now '

'Colin, it was perfect for me' I said as I grabbed his face between my hands. 'Even if you had asked me in the bathroom I would have said yes'

'Let's celebrate it tonight at the cast night' he suggested. I nodded in agreement and pressed my lips to his.

We did some scenes for the rest of the day. Everyone was ready at the same time on Friday and that meant that it was cast night. Every week it was somewhere else and this time we had rented something because we had a little break after this week.

I tapped my wine glass to get the attention. Colin wrapped his arm around my waist. 'It might be cliché, but I want to thank you all. We are so close to each other that we are a second family. A family that I almost wanted to leave, but fortunately I could stay longer. Many things have changed, but many things have remained the same. Ginny as our mother and Josh with his fart jokes, to name a few. Colin and I have always been close, but during this season we finally fell for each other '

I looked beside me and stared into his bright blue eyes. A smile appeared on my face.

'I have never been in love so much and I would like to announce that another married Once-couple will be coming soon'

Lana seemed to be the first to realize what had been said. 'O my god, you are getting married!' she shouted enthusiastically as she hugged me. The rest followed quickly and everyone was happy for us. The champagne bottles were opened and everyone drank a lot, except for Colin.

'So, Mrs. O'Donoghue, what drink are you going to take now?' Lana shouted in my ear

I laughed. I was clearly drunk and I didn't care at all. 'I want it all!'

'You heard Mrs. O'Donoghue, she wants it all.' Lana thought for a moment and laughed. 'I also want it all!'

I turned around and smiled at Colin. He shook his head, laughing, and continued talking to Sean and Andrew. I ordered a Coke for him and walked with Lana to the men.

'A Coke for Mr. O'Donowhoo' I said with a thick tongue

Sean laughed hard. 'For whom, Jen?'

'Colin'

'You said something else. I didn't understand you' Lana teased

'I'Donowho' I tried again

'You don't know who?' Sean and Lana cried with laughter

Colin rolled his eyes with irritation, handling the Coke from me. 'Thanks'

I wrapped my arms around his neck. I wanted to hold him, but I also wanted him to hold me because I didn't know how much longer I could stand. He wrapped his arms around my waist. 'Drunk too much, Morrison?'

I nodded. 'Mr. Obvious'

'Don't be so cheeky to your fiancé. I still have to bring you home'

I grinned. 'You will never leave me'

He smiled and grabbed my hand with the engagement ring. 'And this reminds you of that'

I rested my head on his chest. 'I can't wait to be married'

'Me too, love'

'Mr. and Mrs. O'Donoghue. Sounds perfect, right?'

He smiled as he caressed my cheek. 'So you can pronounce it'

I pressed my lips to his. 'How can I forget the most beautiful surname? The surname I want to carry with me for the rest of my life'


	49. Chapter 49 - This Empty World

**Colin's pov**

You need to understand that I'm damaged. I get triggered easily. I have struggled with things. There are nights when I'm curled up on a ball on the floor and I won't talk to anyone. I will shut you out. I'll have trust issues for a while, because everyone has always left, cheated or chosen someone else. I will need reassurance. I will need you. I will need you to keep choosing me. Before you think I'm always happy, that I will always be positive, that I will always be smiling - know the reality before you get too involved. I'm an overthinker, an introvert. I keep my feelings on the inside because that's the safest place to hide.

It didn't happen often that we had a short break. Of course we had weekends and free time around Christmas and in the summer, but otherwise, a day off was almost impossible.

We decided to leave for a week. Just being away from all the daily chaos and the unpleasant events of last weeks. We immediately made it a useful trip to find out things for our wedding. We hadn't planned a date yet, but Jennifer couldn't wait to arrange things. Our parents were very enthusiastic and very happy for us. Only my brother Allen thought that we were going too fast. Maybe he was right, but I knew Jennifer for years. If it feels good, it's okay, right?

'Now you can finally see it!' she exclaimed enthusiastically as she put the key in the front door. She always talked about her apartment in New York, but I had never been there. I traveled through the United States for conventions but never had the chance to discover everything. I was used to Europe and couldn't get used to the American culture.

Her apartment was beautiful. Jennifer once told me that she wanted to be an interior stylist and I could clearly see why. She was good at it. In contrast to my messy but homely house, this looked perfect. 'It's beautiful, Jen'

She grinned. 'I know you don't like interiors from magazines, but this is not bad, right?'

I nodded as I walked to the window and stared out. She had a beautiful view of the city, while the traffic rushed underneath us. She wrapped her arms around my waist from behind. 'I know you like peace and quiet, but believe me when I say you get used to this'

I only now realized what a career this woman already had behind her at a relatively young age. I was only two years younger, but I was just at the beginning of my career. Jennifer had been successful for years and that had clearly paid off. Money was never a problem and she got offered job after job. Not that I'm jealous, I admire it.

'Are you going to tell me what's wrong?' she asked irritably

'It's just because of the traveling, that's all' I lied

'You never have troubles with travel unless we go to Europe'

She knew me too well. How could I forget that?

'To be honest, I don't know what's wrong, Jen'

'How can you not know that?'

I sighed as I sat down on the floor with my back against the wall. I buried my face in my hands.

'Colin?' she asked worriedly

'Do you know that feeling when you're not necessarily sad, but you just feel really empty?'

She shook her head. 'No, but tell me about it'. She sat next to me and wrapped her arm around my shoulder. Such an extrovert person as Jennifer would never understand how I, an introvert, feel right now.

'It's like having no emotion at all'

'But you always have emotions'

I sighed as I rolled my eyes. 'I meant that I'm not feeling happy nor sad'

'Aren't you happy with me?' she asked disappointedly

I caressed her cheek with my fingers. 'Of course, I am. It's just... since I've told you about what happens to my ex-girlfriend, it suddenly feels very real. I have hidden it for years, but it's the real pain I feel now'

I laid my head on her shoulder and she rested her head against mine. She curled her fingers through my hair. 'Why do you never talk about your feelings? You can tell me anything'

'I don't want to bother you'

'Colin Arthur Geoffrey O'Donoghue!'

I grinned. 'Since when do you use my entire name?'

She took my hands in hers. 'You can bother me anytime, idiot. I don't want you to suffer on your own. When it seems like there is no one left to run to in this empty world, you can always come to me.'


	50. Chapter 50 - Just You And Me

**Jen's pov**

Life is like a piano. White keys are the happy moments and black keys are the sad moments, but both keys are played together to give sweet music. Just as love is like playing the music. First, you must learn how to play by the rules. Then you must forget the rules and play from your heart.

I looked beside me and smiled. Colin was stretched out on the couch with his hair in all possible directions. His head rested on my lap. I heard a soft snoring in combination with a quiet breath and it calmed me down. I sighed. He was sleeping so peacefully that I almost forgot how much trouble he carries with him.

I curled my fingers through his soft hair. Many women would envy his soft, voluminous hair in combination with his clear blue eyes. I stared at his face and couldn't help but smile. I always believed that the perfect man wouldn't exist, but Colin is very, very close. He may not be perfect, but he is perfect for me and that is what counts most.

'You're staring, Morrison' he muttered as he opened his eyes

I pressed my lips to his forehead. 'You will soon have to come up with another pet name'

'Wifey will do'

I sighed with happiness. 'I still can't believe all this'

He grabbed my hand on his stomach. 'Me neither. Sometimes it feels like you can wake up every moment from a dream. A damn good dream'

'You're more like a nightmare' I teased him

He raised his eyebrow and started to tickle me. 'Dare to say that again!'

I managed to grab his hands. I entwined my fingers with his. 'You are the best nightmare'

He grinned. 'I'll take that as a compliment'

My fingers slipped through his hair and he closed his eyes again.

'I wish we had more of these moments' he said, barely louder than a whisper

'Just you and me' I added

'Exactly'

He sighed as if too much happiness was trapped inside him. He opened his eyes again and stared at me. 'We can also get married now'

My eyes widened. 'What do you mean?'

He sat up, grabbed my hands in his, and looked at me. 'Just you and me. Together.'

I smiled. 'Colin, we shouldn't rush. I want nothing more than be your wife, believe me, but I want a real wedding. With people we love, a beautiful cake and a dress.'

'You're right. I'm sorry'

I stroked the top of his hands with my thumbs. 'I'm not leaving. Not now, never'

He leaned forward. 'You're stuck with me' he whispered in my ear.

My hand slid over the back of his head, through his soft hair. 'That's all I want. Just you and me. Always'

He gently pushed me backward on the couch and lay on top of me. He moaned in my ear as he took my earlobe between his teeth and played softly with it. A groan escaped my mouth.

He kissed his way across my cheek to my mouth. He carefully parted my lips with his tongue and searched for mine. He took my hand and put it over my head. He squeezed it gently, while his other hand slid under my shirt. I trembled under the touch of his cold hand on my warm skin. He separated his lips from mine.

'Are you okay?'

I nodded. He always asked me if I was okay with the things he did. I trusted him completely and knew he would never hurt me. 'Your hand is just very cold, that's all sweetheart'

He moved the hand over my head to my face and caressed my chin with his thumb. 'Just when I think it's impossible to love you more, you prove me wrong'. The way he looked at me at that moment made my heart melt.

I pressed my lips to his. I felt his hand slide under my shirt towards my breasts. He unclasped my bra and squeezed my breasts gently. 'I need you now' I growled in his ear.

He pressed a kiss on my cheek. 'Not yet. You have to wait a little longer, love'

My hands slid under his shirt over his back, his abdomen, every place I could reach was touched. My hands reached his ass and I pulled him closer to me. His hips pressed firmly against me. His belt stung my belly.

'Pull it off' I growled

'As you wish' he whispered as he unbuckled his belt. He sat up straight so he could pull his pants off. I pulled him on top of me as quickly as possible. He grabbed the hem of my shirt and pulled it over my head. I did the same with his shirt. I covered my breasts with my arms, but he carefully pulled them away.

'You are beautiful, Jen. They are beautiful' he said, grabbing my breasts and gently squeezing them.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him into a kiss. My fingers slid over his muscular abdomen and his hairy chest, while our kiss became more passionate. He pressed his weight on my body and I felt his hardness against me.

His hand slipped into my thong as he stroked my breast with his other hand. I moaned with pleasure when his fingers teased my clit. 'Please, Colin'

He grinned. 'Not yet'

'Come on!'

He pressed his lips to mine. 'Be patient'

My hands pulled at the hem of his boxers. He smiled as his lips rested against mine. He took off his boxers and my thong followed quickly. My body shivered but felt warm when he lay on me again.

'I can't be patient anymore, Colin' I groaned desperately as I stroked his hardness with my hands.

'Me neither'

He placed himself in front of my entrance and I felt him slowly sliding into me. He gently thrust in and out. He balanced himself with one hand, while the other rested on my cheek. Soon we both reached our peak. His body collapsed on me. He buried his face in my neck as I curled my hand through his hair.

He pressed a kiss on my cheek.

'I still get those stupid butterflies'

I smiled. 'Me too'

I rolled away from him and put on his shirt. He sighed as he lay down on his back. He was still naked and I had a perfect view of his body. I had to restrain myself from jumping on top of him. 'Stay with me' he begged with his puppy eyes

I ignored him and walked towards the piano. I knew he would have a perfect view of my buttocks. I sat on the bench in front of the piano and let my fingers slide over the keys before I started playing. He sat up with a fascinated expression on his face.

I didn't notice that he got up, but suddenly I felt his warm arms around me from behind. He took a seat behind me, leaving me between his legs. He was still naked and I felt his hardness against my lower back.

He sucked softly on my earlobe and pressed kisses in my neck. I tried to concentrate, but I quickly failed. He lifted me off the bench

'Colin!' I squeaked

He put me gently on the piano and stood between my legs. 'Have you ever had sex on this piano?' he asked cheekily

'No, but I guess that is about to change now' I whispered against his lips

He nodded. 'You can count on that, love'


	51. Chapter 51 - With You I Have Everything

**Colin's pov**

 _I understand. I understand why people hold hands. I'd always thought it was about possessiveness, saying 'this is mine'. But it's about maintaining contact. It's about speaking without words. It's about I want you with me and don't go._

 _Jennifer is my best friend, my other half, my laughter and my sadness. She is my love, the warmth in my heart and the happiness behind my smile. That's exactly why I can't lose her because if I ever lost her I would simply lose myself._

I woke up early the next morning. Jennifer was still sleeping, so I decided to unpack my suitcase. My life felt so unreal at the moment. If you told me last year that I would have a relationship with my best friend within a year and would marry her, I would have laughed. I would have laughed at you very, very loudly. Life can be strange and unpredictable, but I certainly don't complain.

I noticed a pile of bridal magazines on the table. I leafed through them and saw several wedding dresses. Some were circled and others had large crosses through them. Probably I wasn't even allowed to see this, but I was too curious.

Today we would pick the wedding rings. Jennifer knew a very good jeweler in the center of New York where she really wanted to buy them. Fortunately, we both wanted the same thing: beautiful but simple silver rings with an engraving on the inside. And to be honest, it's not about the rings, but about the commitment that you are making to each other. The ring only symbolizes it.

I felt warm hands on my hips while a small body was pressed against mine. She pressed a kiss on my cheek. 'Good morning, handsome' she whispered.

'Goodmorning, sunshine. Did you sleep well?' I asked as I turned and looked at her.

'I always sleep well when you are lying next to me'

I grinned as my thoughts drifted off to yesterday. I had lost count of how many times we had sex, but I do know that it was amazing.

I pressed my lips to hers. 'Ready for a second round?'

She tapped me on the shoulder. 'I'm still sore from yesterday, so we won't do it anymore this week, O'Donoghue'

I pouted my lip. 'Maybe just not today?' I tried

'Perhaps... If you act like a good boy' she teased.

We had breakfast together and went to the center of New York. It was less crowded than I expected and I didn't mind it at all. The last thing I wanted was to be spotted with Jennifer while we were picking our wedding rings.

We entered the jeweler. When I looked in the first display, I was already startled by the prices. I wasn't in the position to complain about my salary, but I didn't earn as much as Jennifer.

'Jen, don't you think more than a thousand dollars is a bit expensive for a ring?'

She shook her head. 'We are going to carry them all our lives. They may cost quite a bit, right?'

I smiled faintly. I realized that a wedding was expensive, but for the prices of these rings you could organize a whole wedding. I looked at her and saw a huge smile on her face. I wrapped my arm around her. 'You really like them, don't you?'

She nodded, smiling. 'Since I was a little girl, I wanted to have a ring like that'

I pulled her against me and pressed a kiss on her hair. 'Then we pick these'

Her jaw dropped. 'Don't you think they're too expensive?'

'Yes they are, but it's your dream and we only experience this day once. We can do some crazy things, right?'

She pressed her lips to my cheek. 'I love you so much' she whispered. 'I love you too'

We ordered the rings that Jennifer had been dreaming about for years. It was an expensive buy, but I would do anything to make her happy. Together we strolled through the streets of New York. I started to see why she liked this city so much. It was hectic, but it had its charm.

'Can't you sing during the party? I love your voice' she grinned

 _'But one thing is for sure, with you I have everything!'_ I sang, laughing

She laughed and wrapped her arm around my waist as I wrapped mine around her shoulder. _'A happily ever after is the way these stories go!'_ we sang in unison

As we walked through the park towards her apartment, the sun began to shine. I grinned. 'How typical'

'What is typical?'

 _'We will always find the sun'_ I hummed


	52. Chapter 52 - The Last Preparations

**Jen's pov**

 _A few months later_

 _I swear, I will do anything to keep you happy. I'll take care of you when you're sick. I'll cuddle you when you're cold. I'll tell you funny stories when you're sad. If you need to bitch, I'll listen and bitch with you. I'll cook for and with you. I'll sing to you when we're on long drives. If you want to go traveling, you know I'll be right by your side. We can do absolutely crazy and adventurous things together._

 _It feels like everything in my life has led me to you. My choices, my heartbreaks, my regrets. Everything. When we're together my pasts seems worth it, because if I had done one thing differently, I might never have met you. You changed my life without even trying, and I don't think I could ever tell you how much you mean to me. I can't imagine what things would be like if I hadn't met you._

'Ahh!' I yelled as my pen flew through the room. He flew right past Colin's face who just opened the door.

'What's wrong?' he asked worriedly

I buried my face in my hands. 'I can't talk about it. Not with you, not right now' I murmured

He knelt beside me and took my hands away from my face. 'You can tell me anything, love'

I turned on my chair so that I could look at him. I took his face between my hands. 'Tomorrow is our wedding and I don't know what to write for our vows'

I was about to burst into tears. I had to write kind and loving words about the man I love so much, the man I'm about to spend the rest of my life with and I don't know what to write. It's like my head has a complete blackout.

He put his hand on my knee and stroked my hand on his face with the other. A tear rolled down my cheeks. He gently wiped it away. 'Love is one of those crazy things that no matter how hard you try, you just can't find the words to express what you're feeling on the inside'

'So this is exactly what makes me angry. You can express yourself perfectly and all I get is a total blackout'

He grinned. 'It's usually the other way around'

I smiled through my tears. 'It's just your fault'

He wiped the tears from my cheeks, grabbed my face between his hands and pressed a soft kiss on my forehead. 'Feelings never do make sense. They get you all confused. Then they drive you around for hours before they drop you right where you started'

I smirked. 'Did you just quoted Blair Waldorf, Mr. Irish?'

He nodded proudly. 'What I want to say is don't overthink everything. You know what you feel and I'm sure you'll make a perfect vow tomorrow. Tomorrow will be a perfect day. Our perfect day'

'Can I read yours?' I asked cheekily

'No way, Morrison. You have to wait until tomorrow'

He stood up in front of me. I wrapped my arms around his waist while I was still sitting on the chair. 'Please?'

'Jen... Even if you say something cliche like 'I love you more than words can define' it's more than okay. It's not about what you say, it's about your intention.'

'How did you do it?'

'How did I do what?'

'Prepare your vow' I sighed

'I didn't'

My jaw dropped. 'You didn't?'

He shook his head. 'No, I didn't prepare anything. I know what I feel for you and I want it to be pure. Not like some script I've studied'

I rested my head against his muscular abdomen. With his hand he curled through my hair.

'Are you in doubt? If you think we have to take things slow, then we can also postpone the wedding.' I heard the concern in his voice

I lifted my head and stared into his blue eyes. 'No, of course not, idiot!'

'Are you sure?'

'Colin, I want to be with you forever. I want to love you forever and grow old together. Why should I be in doubt?'

He grinned.

'What?'

'See, you can express your feelings. You just put too much pressure on yourself '

I stood up and wrapped my arms around his waist and pressed my body against his. He moaned in my ear as my hand rubbed his crotch.

His hand slipped under my shirt towards my breasts. I put my hand on his to stop him. I brought my lips closer to his ear. 'Just wait for tomorrow, O'Donoghue'


	53. Chapter 53 - The Day (Part 1)

**Colin's pov**

 _When we are born, the soul we are given is split apart and half of it is given to someone else. Throughout our lives, we search for the person with the other half of our soul. Very few ever succeed._

 _I am blessed that we have met. In a sudden moment, warm within your loving glare, my soul said 'You've found your missing half!'_

 _When this happens, it is said we have found our soulmate. We are happy and at peace. When we shared ourselves, we were engulfed in eternity, dancing in a timeless universe. I am truly blessed because on that day, my heart recognized you as a part of its own._

Today was the big day. Our big day. Six years ago she walked into my life, I actually walked into her life, and since then we were inseparable. What started as a close friendship ended in so much more. Two people who do everything for each other. Two people who want to be together for the rest of their lives. Two people who are getting married today.

This morning we had already taken our wedding photos. We were both very nervous, but Jennifer's presence made it more bearable for me. The ceremony was about to begin. The room was full of family and friends and behind me was our good friend Christina Perri to sing the song for the ceremony.

She squeezed my hand gently. 'Are you nervous?'

I nodded and smiled faintly.

She smiled. 'You're the most beautiful couple I know. This day is over before you know it, so you have to enjoy it.'

She stepped back and grabbed the microphone. She smiled at me one last time before she started the song.

 _'Heart beats fast  
Colors and promises  
How to be brave  
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall  
But watching you stand alone  
All of my doubt, suddenly goes away somehow'_

The door opened and Jennifer appeared with her father. She looked beautiful in her white wedding dress. Her hair was raised with a braid with pearls in it.

 _'One step closer'_ Christina sang as Jennifer took a step closer to me.

 _'I have died every day, waiting for you  
Darling, don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years  
I'll love you for a thousand more'_

The world stood still for a moment. It was just her and me in our bubble. The most beautiful smile in the world appeared on her face.

 _'Time stands still  
Beauty in all she is  
I will be brave  
I will not let anything, take away  
What's standing in front of me  
Every breath, every hour has come to this_

 _One step closer_

 _I have died every day, waiting for you  
Darling, don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years  
I'll love you for a thousand more. __And all along I believed, I would find you  
Time has brought your heart to me, I have loved you for a thousand years  
I'll love you for a thousand more'_ _  
_

She reached the aisle. Her father shook my hand, kissed Jennifer on her forehead and handed her over to me. It was like a movie, but it certainly wasn't a movie this time. This was our day, our moment, our wedding. She smiled as she grabbed my shaky hand and stepped onto the aisle.

 _'One step closer  
One step closer_ _  
_ _I have died every day, waiting for you  
Darling, don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years  
I'll love you for a thousand more. __And all along I believed, I would find you  
Time has brought your heart to me, I have loved you for a thousand years  
I'll love you for a thousand more'_ _  
_

I nodded gratefully to Christina. The officiant smiled at us and coughed before he started his ceremony. 'Today is a celebration. A celebration of love, of commitment, of friendship, of family, and of two people who are in it for forever.' I peeked beside me and smiled at my mother who wiped a tear from her cheek.

'You don't need a ceremony to have a marriage. And when you think about it, the whole thing is kind of weird, right? You're standing on a stage, looking fancy, holding flowers and being stared at by pretty much everyone who has meant anything to you in the past thirty-something years. So why do we do it? Why this moment?'

He paused for a moment.

'Despite all of our differences, love is what we all share. No matter who we are, where we've come from, what we believe, we know this one thing: love is what we're doing right. That's why these two beautiful people are standing here. That's why all of you are here. Just to watch them stand up here. We have all loved in our lifetimes and in this moment, we're reminded that the ability to love is the very best part of our humanity.'

The officiant's gaze went through the crowd before he continued. 'All of us here have their own love stories. Some are short, others long. Some are yet unwritten, while others are just getting to the good part. There are chapters in all of these stories that are sad or disappointing and others that are exciting and full of adventure. Even though love is so incredible, words fail us when we try to explain it. That's just the way it is with love. It's meant to be felt, not described. So, Jennifer, Colin told me about your little problem with your vow. Don't worry!' The crowd laughed and Jennifer gave me a fake-angry look but smiled eventually.

'But trying to describe love is one of our favorite things' he continued. 'We use the words we have to write stories, and poems, and songs about love. And even though we describe love in different ways and even though love can look different from one person to the next, we all know it when we see it. And we see it here, right in front of us.

So today, we have some words about what love is, coming from two people who are very much in love at this moment. Colin, Jennifer told me that she doesn't want to be first, so that makes you the first one to say your vow!'

I swallowed. This was the moment and I felt like I could have a break down at any minute. I grabbed myself together and sighed. 'How can I explain my love to you when I have no barrier to feel your love? How can I tell everyone about my love to you when I have no words for your love? You taught me how to love and how it feels like to be loved again. You taught me that a lover can also be your best friends. My love for you is simple and deep with affections and every single day I'm so happy that I've met you and that you've stayed in my life. All I want is to be with you and to love forever.'

I slid the ring on her finger. She smiled as I saw the tears welling up in her eyes. 'Jennifer, you can say your vow' the officiant said.

She sighed as she stared into my eyes. 'Colin, loving you is something that comes easily from my heart and the reasons to love you more for your kindness. Your love keeps me strong and brightens me every day and I can't be myself without you being close to me. You always hold me when I am feeling down and you always be there when I need you the most. All I want is to love you forever and to grow old with you.'

She slid the ring on my finger. I needed to hug her. Just to hold her in my arms and enjoy the feeling of her body against mine. I wanted to hold her and never let her go.

'Jennifer and Colin, you have expressed your love to one another through the vows you just made. It is with these in mind that I pronounce you husband and wife. You have kissed a thousand times, maybe more, but today the feeling is new. You are no longer simply partners and best friends, you have become husband and wife and can now seal the agreement with a kiss. So today, your kiss is a promise. Colin, you may kiss the bride.'

I pressed my lips to hers. On the lips of the woman who was my best friend, my soulmate and my lover, but now also my wife.


	54. Chapter 54 - The Day (Part 2)

**Jen's pov**

His arms were wrapped around my waist as we rocked gently back and forth. I rested my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. I wanted to enjoy this moment as much as possible. In the arms of my true love, my husband, dancing at our wedding.

I felt his soft lips on my forehead and smiled. 'Have you had a good time?'

I opened my eyes and looked at him without taking my head off his shoulder. I pressed a kiss in his neck. 'Of course. It was perfect'

'Colin, may I borrow your wife for a dance?' I heard my father's voice

Colin nodded. 'Of course!' He handed me over to my father, who smiled at me proudly. 'I'm so happy for you, honey. After all those years you have finally found the perfect man'

I smiled and put my arms around my father. I saw Colin dancing with his mother next to me. I closed my eyes again, but when I opened them a little later, he was gone. Behind me I heard the music stop. I turned around and saw Colin standing on the small stage with a microphone in his hand.

He smiled at me. 'I know you wanted me to sing this evening and you know how much I hate to do this, but today I want to make an exception for you.' He placed the microphone back in the stand and grabbed his guitar.

 _'I can't unfeel your pain  
I can't undo what's done  
I can't send back the rain  
But if I could I would  
My love, my arms are open'_

He opened his eyes and stared at me with a smile.

 _'So when you feel like you can't take another round of being broken  
My arms are open  
And when you're losing faith and every door around you keeps on closing  
My arms are open'_

I covered my mouth with my hands. This was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for me.

 _'I can't uncry your tears  
I can't rewind the time  
I can't unsay what's said  
In your crazy life  
My love, my arms are open'_

Tears welled up in my eyes

 _'Ooh, and when you're cursing at the sky  
And thinking, "Lord, you must be joking"  
My arms are open  
And, and when you're looking in the mirror  
Thinking "Damn, my life is over"  
My arms are open_

My arms are open  
My arms are open  
My arms are open  
My arms are open

So let me do to you  
What you've always done for me  
And let me be the ground  
Underneath your feet'

His voice gave me goosebumps all over my body. My knees became weaker and weaker after every word he sang.

 _'I can't unfeel your pain  
I can't undo what's done  
I can't send back the rain  
But if I could I would  
My love, my arms are open, arms are open_

So when you feel like you can't take another round of being broken  
My arms are open  
Oh, and when you're losing faith and every door around you keeps on closing  
My arms are open

My arms are open  
My arms are open  
My arms are open  
My arms are open

I will be standing here  
I will be by your side  
You'll see me loud and clear  
With my arms open wide  
I will be standing here  
I will be by your side  
You'll see me loud and clear  
With my arms open wide

My arms are open'

He continued to play on his guitar before the song ended. He jumped off the stage with a loud applause. Tears rolled down my cheeks as he walked towards me and took me in his arms. I buried my face in his neck and inhaled his familiar scent. _  
_

'Why are you doing this to me?' I sobbed

He wiped the tears from my cheeks. 'Was it really that bad?'

'I was able to keep my tears all day and now you've ruined it' I smiled through my tears

He pulled me against him and rubbed my back. 'Sorry, love' he whispered in my hair

We stood there for a few minutes. Our bodies against each other, his head against mine and his strong arms wrapped around my body.

'You are irresistible in a suit' I whispered in his ear

He raised his eyebrow. 'Says the woman walking around in a beautiful dress'

'I think you're even more irresistible without a suit' I added cheeky, totally ignoring what he just said

He pressed his lips to my ear, making sure I got goosebumps all over my body again. 'You'll have me all night without this suit, Mrs. O'Donoghue' he whispered

Every end of my body became weak. 'You couldn't handle it'

He smirked. 'Perhaps you are the one who couldn't handle it'


	55. Chapter 55 - The Night

_People think a soulmate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soulmate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soulmate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet because they tear down your walls and smack you awake._

 **Colin's pov**

After the guests left, Jennifer and I went to the hotel room above the party location. There was an uncomfortable silence between us in the elevator.

Jennifer smiled. 'It's almost like it's our first time' she said as she looked into the mirror and fixed her hair

I wrapped my arms around her and looked at her in the mirror. 'It's our first time as husband and wife'

She rested her hands on mine and closed her eyes as I pressed a kiss on her cheek. 'I don't want this day to be over'

I nodded. 'Me neither, love'

She turned and I noticed the well-known naughty look in her eyes. She untucked my shirt out of my pants and let her fingers slid over my abdomen. 'Hm, Jen... not here' I managed to say

'Colin, it's in the middle of the night and everyone is asleep. I'm allowed to touch my husband' she giggled

I laughed because of her thick tongue. 'You're tipsy, Jen'

She indignantly placed her hands on her sides. 'No, I really want to be in bed with my husband right now'

I raised my eyebrow

'Naked' she added while her hands were shoved under my shirt again. She pressed her lips to mine and kissed me passionately.

A ping sounded as the doors of the elevator opened. 'We have to get out' I muttered between kisses.

She pushed me out of the elevator, without separating her lips from mine. I rummaged through my pocket to find the pass to our room, while Jennifer unbuttoned my shirt. She wrapped her arms around my bare waist and stared at me.

I raised my eyebrow with a smile on my face. 'What?'

'You make me so happy' she whispered

I pressed my lips back to hers. 'You make me happy too'

I finally found the pass that gave us access to the hotel room. I opened the door and saw a beautiful room with a huge bed and a bubble bath. Jennifer seemed completely forgotten what we were doing. 'We're going in that bath!' she said enthusiastically

'Jen...' I tried as disappointed as possible

She opened the tap to fill the tub with water and then turned around to face me. She put her hand on my crotch. 'Don't worry, I won't forget you'

 **Jen's pov**

I pulled off his jacket and shirt as quickly as possible and threw it on our bed. My hands slid over his warm, muscular abdomen. With my fingers, I followed the contours of his muscles that formed small blocks on his abdomen.

He smirked. 'Is it good enough?'

'It's perfect' I said as my hands slid to his belt. I unbuckled it and let his pants slide down his legs, so he was able to step out of them. He stood half naked in front of me like a God, only in his boxers, while I was still wearing my wedding dress.

He had a puzzled expression on his face. 'Jen, I don't know... this is much more complicated than a dress and a bra...' he stammered.

'Try it. If you want me, you have to help me out of this dress' I said teasingly

He fumbled with the tiny buttons on my back but finally managed to release me. I stepped out of it carefully and laid the dress next to his suit on our bed.

'I can breathe again!' I sighed. It was a beautiful dress, but it was certainly not comfortable.

He pulled me towards him and slid his hands over my breasts. His hand on my back tried to unclip my bra. I felt his shaking hands and it took him longer than usual, but eventually, my bra fell to the floor.

'I forgot something!' he shouted. I was shocked by his loud voice

'What did you forget?' I asked surprised

He bent over and lifted me up like a real bride. 'Colin!' I squeaked, but I knew he would never let me fall on the floor. He walked towards the filled bath and put me in carefully before he joined me.

'At least you could have taken off my panties and your boxers...'

A grin appeared on his face. 'What fun would that be?'

I started pulling on his boxer to make clear that I wanted more. He took it off and threw it over the edge of the bath where it landed on the floor with a splash. He did the same with my panties.

'Much better' I said as I placed myself between his legs and leaned back against him.

He grabbed my shoulders and started to massage them down my arms and back up again. He smoothed his hands down my sides, around my waist and back up to move my hair to one side so he could kiss my neck. Even the warmth of the water couldn't stop the chills all over my body.

His hands moved up to my breasts. My body tightens as he pinched my nipples between his fingers. I felt his breath on my face and it turned me on even more. His hands moved downward and a wave of tingles washes over me. I felt his hands between my legs, gently massaging me as I lean back into him. I felt his hardness against my lower back.

He parted my lips carefully as he slipped a finger inside me. He began to move his hand in a rhythm, slipping a finger in and back out. My body shuddered against his. I rested my head back onto his shoulders as I still felt his hardness against my back. The silence between us drove me crazy.

I turned around to face him as I ran my hand over his erection, paying special attention around the sensitive tip. He wrapped his arms around me as a moan escaped his mouth. He pulled me in closer to kiss me. I wrapped my legs around his waist which made me felt his erection beneath me. I moved my hips to touch it but didn't let him enter me yet.

'Damn, Jen...' he moaned

I couldn't resist him any longer. I let him slip inside me. Feeling him there made me moan a somewhat inaudible word that was only meant for the two of us to hear. He breathed harder and the water listed from side to side as he moved inside me.

We kissed gently as he wrapped his arms around my body.

'I love you, Jen...' he paused to press kisses all over my face

'...for all eternity'


	56. Sequel - Unexpected

_'Colin has disappeared without warning. His car is gone, and no one has seen him for days. Jennifer's friends assume that he has left her and their children to start a new life, but Jennifer refuses to believe that. Their marriage was a happy one, and Colin isn't the type of man to abandon his family. No, something must have happened to him - Jennifer is sure of it and she'll do whatever it takes to find him and bring him home.'_


End file.
